novermberealizations

When I try to reassess myself the past few months, I realized that I came to change for the better. I used to be this real shy, insecure, fearful, doubtful girl who's always hiding inside her shell. I'm afraid to meet more people, take brand new risks, and try out things which I never have done before. Though it's true that much is still to be improved, it also is not easy to change things overnight. Hence, as the year is about to end (1 more month to go),I know there are still more things to add in my self-improvement checklist.

What I am happy about lately is how I learned to love myself all the more. I used to think that thinking lowly of myself is humility, apparently it is just downgrading myself, making me believe as if I'm dirty and small. It's only then that I learned that you cannot expect people to love you unless you truly love yourself. I've been looking for that love and fulfillment somewhere and someplace else, but at the end of the day, it's always you who will save yourself. It's a sad fact of life that most of the time, you can only count on yourself as people have their own businesses too- they do have the same troubles, pains, frustrations, and worries that we cannot afford to add up as their burden.I'm not saying that we really will be forever alone, but sometimes, we all have to be alone to cherish all the more the feeling of having company. That's why I learned to enjoy my moments of solitude because I know for a fact that I am not forever alone. Someday soon, my one true love will come into my life, and even if there will be ups and downs in that relationship, I can feel it in my heart that it is worth the wait.

I also learned to be more talkative and sociable. Thanks to my newfound community- The Feast. Through The Feast, I was able to share my talents, meet more people, improve on my relationships with people, love and value myself, work on my attitude and behavior, and most importantly be closer to my creator. All these I had in one organization. I never really felt this light before, and honestly, everyday, I look forward to attending our worship service and our caring group meetings. I also look forward to meeting more people and extending a helping hand to different forms of outreach activities. I used to be really bored of life lately, but now, I felt that 7 days a week is not enough to do all the things in my checklist. The world is now mine for the taking that I can do so much. This time, I am not afraid. I have someone up there who will back me up.

So even if I failed in my relationship recently, I am not really down in the dumps. I'm glad that I was given the grace to learn, to move on, and to pick up the pieces no matter how distressing the situation is. As I am always telling myself, I am no longer questioning why things end up that way. All I have right now is an enduring, open, grateful,and understanding mind. As it is, trials do come to shape us to the person we want to be. Besides, if we fail today, that is an opportunity to examine ourselves and strive to be better the next time around. Life is one big roller coaster ride, full of excitement and thrill, and instead of being devoured by fear and paranoia that we might fall, we can always raise our hands, shout at the top of our lungs, and enjoy the one hell of a ride.

The curtains of year 2012 are about to close, but I am not really leaving yesterday behind. If some areas of my yesteryears are full of bitter and painful memories, I will use them as a source of inspiration to do better. It may be easier said than done, but I will try everything so that I won't end up doing the same mistakes, again and again. At the end of the day, I thank my Almighty Creator for everything that happened because despite all the obstacles, He has still blessed me abundantly thus far- in my relationship with family, friends and others, in my career, in my studies, and in my financial life. I am still praying for that love, though. But I am open to all the possibilities and claiming my victory as early as now. And even if I get hurt before, I will carry on because nothing just happens. Today I can say with conviction I love my life and I would like to live a hundred years, and I am happy for being me.

Let's all be strong dear friends. God will also answer our prayers.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."