Thursday, January 10, 2019

a love to keep

I am in awe of your love for me
and like the sun's rays
your love shine its light upon me
warming my heart and soul
nourishing my very core.

Yours is the love that never ceases
Stronger than the current of the seas
I was left shaken, as if a volcanic eruption
maketh me feel your love is intense.
Typhoons and earthquakes may wreck havoc,
but there you are, still with a love that's unabated.

And looking at you, I know
that this is the love I have to keep.
For the strength of your love
is enough to weather all the storms.
Side by side, as we hold on to each other,
the whole world we shall face and conquer.




Saturday, December 8, 2018

The Journey to Love

A classic saying goes that "the course of true love never did run smooth," and finding the right one for you, so to speak. They say, it's akin to finding a needle in the haystack. It's a journey to the unknown, often times leaving you perplexed, wondering, bewildered.

Finding the right one may entail several trial and errors. If you are lucky enough, he may be your first and last. But what are the odds that you will be the lucky one? In a world where "no label relationships" and "not into serious relationships" abound, what are the chances that you will find true love in an instant? It is never an ABC, and sometimes, you might end up telling yourself, "I think I have more chances in winning the lottery!"

We may feel despair, loneliness, isolation, betrayal. There are many emotions that will lurk and cripple your very core. Doubting yourself during these trying times is not far from happening. After trying to go through several dates and countless rejections, it is surely not easy to get back on your feet. When the heart is crushed, our mind and body somehow undergo this state of "paralysis." At this point, it may be harder to see the colours in our life.

But, this may just be a phase. As cliche as it may sound, time will heal the wounds. After going through several heartbreaks, one may give up, may park the quest for love in the meantime, or let the heart rest until it is ready. Whatever the choice is, what matters is, to give the heart ample time to heal and recover from pain, until it can finally wholly welcome love again.

We cannot really tell how many heartaches you will have to go through before true love will find its way. One cannot really fathom the mystery of love, and how it will be lead to you. But despite the pain of rejections and the fear of the unknown, there is one thing that we hope for. If you have been through painful heartbreaks, I hope you will let your heart heal and still believe in the beauty and power of love. It is a rocky road and path, one that is venturing to the wild. It may take some time  and maybe you will grow tired that you are no longer waiting, but at least, give it a chance and believe that it will come. No matter how dreary and weary, just trust in the process that it will happen. Allow life to surprise you and maybe one day, when you are no longer waiting or hurting, it may pass by you. And it may never leave you again.

But all this will happen, if you still believe and if you open your heart to the beautiful possibilities of still finding love, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

A love so true and beautiful

There will come a point in your life when you will grow tired and weary of chasing after people who can't love you in the same way that you do. It is just but pointless to cry over an unrequited love, more so, to search for answers and reasons why there are people who are not meant to stay in our lives. When we stop questioning and simply just embrace life's uncertainties, and be more optimistic that things do not happen at the present because a better future awaits, we are giving ourselves one big favor- that is to fully enjoy the moment and just accept life as it is, with imperfections and all.

For in reality, at one point in our life, there will always be that one great love that we wished we could have ended up with back then. We may have spent countless nights wallowing in tears, in agony, longing to be with that someone. That may be a time in our life when all we think about is the rush of emotions and perhaps, the wrecklessness of our youth. Our heart is a tide that keeps racing, wanting to find its way to the shore. For whatever reason we did not end up with that someone, know that, wherever you are at the present time, is always for the best.

In the end, life does not always give you what you want, but it will give you what you need, what is right, and what is best. A love so true and beautiful is our calm in the midst of a storm. It is finding serenity after going through a rough patch of heartaches and hearbreaks. It may come when you least expect it, but it will finally give answers to your heart's lingering questions. It is the love you rightfully deserve and have waited for, and will give you the certainty in the midst of a world full of doubts and skepticism.

This love is well-formed and is true. It is not perfect, but is the kind of love you have longed for and believed that is worth waiting for. This is the love that will not make you question your worth, for finally, this will make you feel secure. And in the arms of this person, you will have no fears, for all those you will cast aside and face the world head on. For the longest time in your life, finally, you will never feel alone, and with the love of this person, you will find your home.

It may take some time before this love will find its way to you. But know that, if you have experienced the pangs of rejection, it's not the end of the world. Every rejection is a redirection. And this redirection is a journey to a promising and more glorious destination. When you finally found that love, there might be days when you will look back at the painful past, but it may no longer sting that much. There may be a little wistful feeling as you look back. But your heart will be more thankful instead at where you are lead to. Is there still room for pain and tears for the love that was not yours, once in your life? Those are just bygones. What matters most is the one you are with now. For with the love that is real and is given in the perfect time, only happiness and hope abounds. Your heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude for the blessing that you have, and with finality you can say, "I am fully happy at where I am right now. And past is past."



Thursday, August 2, 2018

#FinalLenFoundSAMone

Lately, I have not been posting much because of work. As a teacher, there is indeed so much on my plate and maintaining this blog has been out of the loop. But if there is one thing that I am excited about, it is our upcoming big day on December 2019! I find time to search for cpncepts and pegs and I cannot contain my happiness every time I get to talk to our coordinator. At the moment, I just want to enjoy every single step of the preparation phase. I will be a bride chilla and avoid stressing myself out of the things that are beyond my control. 

As an OFW bride, perhaps one of my biggest worries is how to plan and ensure that the preparation will be smooth. I am grateful that my groom is hands on and as OC as I am! Usually, brides will do all the planning and will pay more attention to details, but even before we started planning out, Sam has been very vocal that he wants to be greatly involved in the preparation. In fact, since I am working here in Indonesia, Sam will be the ones mostly in charge of doing the leg work! Haha! Sorry, mahal. But thank you for making sure everything is in place. I couldn't be any happier knowing that I did not only find the one my soul loves, but I also got a team mate in him. 

It will still be a year and a few months before I bid goodbye to my single days. Each day, I cannot hide the fact that I am closer to that day when we will finally exchange our I dos. And for every day that I am with my love, I always thank God for the greatest gift He has ever given me. 

Let us enjoy this journey together, my love! 

Monday, June 18, 2018

When you were vulnerable

I love you, is an easy thing to say
perhaps when it's all sunshine
and not a cloud was gray.
I love you is as natural as breathing
when all seems to go your way.

But I learned to love you more
not when you are wearing your best smile
Instead, I knew I love you even more
when I saw that teardrop falling from your eyes.

It was on that moment that I yearned to hold your hand
And make you feel warm and secure
Just as you always do
whenever your hands clasp with mine.

I wanted to calm your weary heart
vanish the fears away
by whispering words to ease your pain
while our fingers are tightly intertwined.

Maybe love reveals its truest self
when someone is at his weakest state
And I don't need you to be an everyday superhuman
Instead, I want to know what's your kryptonite.

And while I can't promise to work magic on your fears and hesitations
Nor bury deep your troubles and frustrations instantly
What I am certain is I will be there
As you face this world full of the unknown
You will never hurdle those battles on your own.

And I learned to love you more
Not because you are perfect
Instead, I loved you more each day
for you aren't afraid to show your frail and delicate side
which is unbeknowst to many.

For in trusting me with your susceptible self,
I have internalized that love does not only love for perfection
But accepts one's flaws, blemishes, weaknesses and struggles
As if they were your own.

I love you even more today
That amidst the welling eyes
It's not your fear that I see
But a love made strong and beautiful
Once upon that time when you are vulnerable.





Thursday, April 19, 2018

I am enough

Looking at my facebook feed lately can be both entertaining and sometimes frustrating. Surely, I get to be updated about friends and relatives what abouts. I get to be informed as to the latest buzz anywhere around the world. But that's actually at the surface level.

There are times when I am not fully entertained by what I see in social media. Truth be told, there are many and countless days that instead of feeling happy about what I see, I end up feeling frustrated. In reality, I think, this is what social media is all about, portraying a life that is seemingly perfect, until you dig in to the deeper truth behind every post. Jealousy, envy, insecurity can creep in once you see someone who is way prettier, sexier, or more successful than you do. How come he/she is able to afford such travels? How can she maintain that look and body at that age? Oh dear, he/she has a new car/ house (again). And here I am drowning in work. Not a pound lighter, not a penny richer.

Until then that I realised that you have to be learned to be secure on your own, regardless of what you have or do not. After all, the pressure kicks in if you see life as a constant competition. In reality, no matter how hard you work, there will always be someone better than you. No matter how beautiful you may be, there will always be someone who you feel is way superior than you in looks (and in body). It's easy to feel a tinge of jealousy and wallow in self pity after browsing thru your feed. But the real question is, "will you let it get into you?" Will you be affected or rather shrug it off?

At the end of the day, life is all about acceptance and setting of realistic expectations. The sooner you accept your current status or situation, the better. You will be able to let go of ill-feelings and you won't harbor an ounce of bitterness towards others. Besides, those people are not at fault if they have such abundance in life. I can still clearly remember what our preacher said years back  that sometimes "God will let you see how He is blessing other people." I believe He does not intend to make us feel down or bad. Maybe, it's a way of Him telling, "if I can bless these people, so do you." And if ever you still don't feel any better, just remember this: "everyone lives according to his/her own timeline," and "comparison is the thief of joy."

I know it's hard not to fret or compare. But will it add a day to your life if you worry about things you do not have at the moment? Of course, it will not. It will only stress the whole out of you, and turn you into a grumpy monster. So when I am tempted to compare, maybe, I will breathe deeply and proclaim with conviction "My time will come. Maybe not now, but in due time, it will." I believe that hardwork and pure intentions will always be rewarded at the end. You just have to be open that there is an ocean of blessings that await you.

And when you are tempted to sulk into loneliness and despair, I hope we all take time to remind ourselves, that while beauty and riches offer happiness, not all those are bound to last forever anyway. Let our security be not tied to things that are superficial and ephemeral. Beauty will fade and money can be gone (especially when mishandled). While it is good to invest in those things, I hope it will not make us lose sight of what really matters- good health, a sincere, contented and thankful heart, and a mind that's always focused on the good things, no matter what life throws on you. Those are life's priceless treasures. Those are what will really count. When you finally fully internalise what that means, it's then you can proclaim: that "I am enough."

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Why I don't regret studying hard

For all students out there with endless rants about the educational system, their teachers, assignments, exams, projects, and anything about school; may this post enlighten you.

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It has been a long while since I have finished schooling. And though being a student is really an uphill climb with many obstacles, it is surely one journey I did not regret taking and I would say I take pride finishing. I do not write this to brag about my achievements (if you can call whatever I have accomplished as such), but I am sharing this to you merely to share why I never regretted studying hard.

Wayback in high school, I was never the cool girl. While most of my classmates would go to malls and hangout together, there I was, (as killjoy or as pathetic as it may sound to you) going home early most days, with all my books and notebooks in my bag, to study. Yes, as boring as it may sound to you, my life revolves around school and studying. Like most students out there, I get pressured on most days, too (especially trying to secure my position as one of the top 10 students and my scholarship), but as difficult as it may be, I somehow believe back then (young as I may be), that if I persevere and never give up, I shall see the silver lining after all those dark clouds. It took me lots of long nights studying and putting extra efforts on my school work. My mantra was "hindi pwede ang pwede na," and if I can do something excellently, I will. I was your typical nerd and awkward high school girl. I bet, no one would really remember me, if  I had not been smart back then! And while for others, I may not seem to enjoy my highschool life because they feel I was a late bloomer, somehow it did not bother me. Eyes on the prize, I will always tell myself. All I think of was, to get good grades, to be a good student, and on top of it all-time to make my parents proud.

And so I graduated Highschool and here comes college life. While for others it may be a time of added independence, for me, all that I felt were added challenges. I studied in a State University, and I realized, that even if I was one of the cream of the crop when I was in high school, the competition was tougher in college. We were coming from different schools, and I have lots of smart, confident, and outspoken classmates. Somehow, I felt my confidence wither when I am with them. And though I am not competing with any of them, I want to be at par with them, at the very least. Instead of feeling down, I somehow took it as a motivation to strive better. So like how I was in high school, I kept on studying. I took notes well during discussions and listen to my professors. I painstakingly made reviewers during exams because it helped me remember things. But sometimes, even if you gave all your best, the odds will not always be on your favor. There were times when I got bad grades, too. There were times when I  will be caught off guard when a professor throws me a question. There were many times as well, when I feel I was not doing enough, that all this hardwork and effort is not going anywhere. Still, I just kept going, like any student does. Whaf kept me going was when one of my professors back then said, "this too shall pass." And yes, though the nights seem long when I am studying for an exam, preparing for a report, or writing my paper, I know that if I kept going, I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That was four long years of studying in college, plus atleast half a year spent for reviewing and preparing for the licensure exam. I was literally living for school, leaving our house as early as 5:30 am and going home late because there are many things to accomplish. My friends and I are not party goers, and you would see most of us gathered together, with our handouts. We had group study sessions and we hang out at the library. There were days when we would drop by a nearby mall to atleast relax, eat some snacks, or play games, but you can literally count the number of times we did those things. And while for others this may not seem fun and may really find my life monotonous, still I didn't care. I wanted to graduate. I wanted to have good academic standing. I wanted to make my parents proud. And so, my eyes were set on all the things that motivated me.

Long years of studying and sometimes sacrificing my social life (and even the chances of dating and getting a lovelife back then), but still I think it was all worth it. While studying well entails  means giving up or sacrificing some things in life, I still believe, that it was the very reason why I learned discipline and hardwork. I would never learn the value of excellence and doing your best in everything you do if I just dilly dally on my school work. I had the good friends that I had today, because we are united and have a common goal in mind- to march and receive our diplomas on graduation day, together. While solely focusing on school life means I will be missing some happenings with some old friends, I know that the time and effort spent on studying hard is never wasted (You can always make up for the times you missed after you graduate!).  I am the professional I am today, because of the discipline and responsibility instilled to me when I was studying. You become the person you are because of your habits and what you have invested in life. So if you want to reach your goals, you have to be willing to disappear for a while, as they say.

College days and the Licensure exam are finally over, and though I am far from being "big time" and "rich," I can happily and proudly say that I am enjoying the fruits of my labor. Some of this includes: buying the things I do not have back then, going to places I have never been to, and eating at restaurants I can never afford before (because when you are a student, you have a very minimal allowance). Now that I am at this point of my life, sometimes I will gladly look back and say, I'm glad I did not give up. I'm happy I knew my priorities. And all these I did not achieve on my own, my parents, first and foremost, were my inspiration. They deserve all the good things in life because they sacrificed so much for me and my brother. My college friends, were also the persons who made the load lighter and bearable. It helped knowing that you are not alone on that diffficult journey. Also, our teachers, mold us into the persons we are today, and I will be forever indebted to them for imparting knowledge and skills I will be using for life. And most of all, God, has been my shelter and fortress all these years. During those trying moments when I was student, I believe and hold onto Him, for it was written: The pain that you are feeling is nothing compared to the joy that is coming.

So if you are a student who is tired and who feels like giving up, think of this time in your life as a preparation for the real world out there. If you think schooling is hard, the world of employment is a tougher place. You have to be ready to face that jungle kind of world. Besides, no one says life is easy. And if you want something, you have to exert effort and find ways to get it. No one gets to the top of the mountain without passing through a difficult terrain or trail, and same goes with life. But I tell you dear students, if you persevere, if you work hard and smart, if you study well, for sure, God and your teachers will definitely see your efforts. It may take some time, but if you just keep going, believing, and praying, your hardwork will eventually pay off.

For now, enjoy the journey. Listen to your teachers, obey your parents, be a good friend to your classmates, and learn as much as you can. And one day, you will somehow find yourself missing your school days, when all you have to do is just go to school and learn. As you look back at those younger years, I am sure you will be at peace with yourself, knowing you made it this far. And if you are able to survive the challenging world of schooling, what else can you not conquer? Yes, you can achieve things as long as you set your mind to it. That's what  I did when I was a student like you. For all its worth and for being the person I am right now, I would confidently and contently say, I never regret studying hard.