Dear God

 Dear God,

First of all, I want to thank you for all the blessings. I am alive and well, and during this time of Pandemic, to be healthy is indeed a great blessing. 

But I won't deny it, my heart is troubled and full of anxiety. You see, my worries, now that I am a mother, are different. Most of it are because of finances. 

Never have I imagined that I will be at this point in my life when I will feel small and worthless. When I was still a single woman, money was never a problem for me. Not that I am rich back then, but because when you are still single, you are free from responsibilities. 

Please don't get me wrong, Lord. I love my child, I love my family. They are my inspiration. But I can't help but get frustrated that I cannot even give my child the life I think he deserves. I am nothing but a regular employee. I have no riches to be proud of. There are no titles to attach to my name. In short, I am a nobody. Perhaps, when I die one of these days, no one will even remember me. That is how ordinary I am.

Not that I am dreaming of becoming famous or being recognized. But is it wrong to aim or to hope for a life better than just getting by day by day? Is it wrong to hope that there will come a day when I can finally live in a house we call our own, or finally be able to ride our own car, without worrying about the hassles of commuting? 

Oh, Lord. They say when we lift up our burdens to you, it will lighten our load. While I know that it will not remove our worries miraculously, I just want to let you know that I feel so down. I just want to cast my cares and anxieties to you, as I pray for a better life. Lord, my finances are so tight, what I have is just enough, but I want to open myself to the floodgates of your blessings. I believe you are an ever generous God. And I am not just here to wait, I will work for it, because I know I can. You have not gifted me with talents and skills for nothing. So Lord, please help open doors of opportunities for me and my family. I still pray that my husband will finally learn to let go of his comfort zone, and seek opportunities elsewhere. They say with you, nothing is impossible, and so while for humans, it may be unrealistic to expect financial gains in a short time, I put my trust in you, that next year, we will not be in the same situation. 

A house we can call our own. A car. A better life for my family. All these I lift up to you, Oh Lord. I am tired, I am worried and weary. But my hope and confidence in you will never falter. Because in a world full of uncertainties, you are the only one I am sure of.