Saturday, November 23, 2013

what happy people do :))))

“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
Happiness is one aspiration all people share. No one wants to be sad and depressed.
We’ve all seen people who are always happy – even amidst agonizing life trials. I’m not saying happy people don’t feel grief, sorrow or sadness; they just don’t let it overtake their life. The following are 21 things happy people make a habit of doing:

1. Appreciate Life
Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
2. Choose Friends Wisely
Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed.
3. Be Considerate
Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with.
4. Learn Continuously
Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving.
5. Creative Problem Solving
Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right.
6. Do What They Love
Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.
7. Enjoy Life
Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future.
8. Laugh
Don’t take yourself – or life to seriously. You can find humor in just about any situation. Laugh at yourself – no one’s perfect. When appropriate laugh and make light of the circumstances. (Naturally there are times that you should be serious as it would be improper to laugh.)
9. Forgive
Holding a grudge will hurt no one but you. Forgive others for your own peace of mind. When you make a mistake – own up to it – learn from it – and FORGIVE yourself.
10. Gratitude
Develop an attitude of gratitude. Count your blessings; All of them – even the things that seem trivial. Be grateful for your home, your work and most importantly your family and friends. Take the time to tell them that you are happy they are in your life.
11. Invest in Relationships
Always make sure your loved ones know you love them even in times of conflict. Nurture and grow your relationships with your family and friends by making the time to spend with them. Don’t break your promises to them. Be supportive.
12. Keep Their Word
Honesty is the best policy. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones.
13. Meditate
Meditation gives your very active brain a rest. When it’s rested you will have more energy and function at a higher level. Types of meditation include yoga, hypnosis, relaxation tapes, affirmations, visualization or just sitting in complete silence. Find something you enjoy and make the time to practice daily.
14. Mind Their Own Business
Concentrate on creating your life the way you want it. Take care of you and your family. Don’t get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t get caught up with gossip or name calling. Don’t judge. Everyone has a right to live their own life the way they want to – including you.
15. Optimism
See the glass as half full. Find the positive side of any given situation. It’s there – even though it may be hard to find. Know that everything happens for a reason, even though you may never know what the reason is. Steer clear of negative thoughts. If a negative thought creeps in – replace it with a positive thought.
16. Love Unconditionally
Accept others for who they are. You don’t put limitations on your love. Even though you may not always like the actions of your loved ones – you continue to love them.
17. Persistence
Never give up. Face each new challenge with the attitude that it will bring you one step closer to your goal. You will never fail, as long as you never give up. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. We are always happiest while pursuing something of value to us.
18. Be Proactive
Accept what can not be changed. Happy people don’t waste energy on circumstances beyond their control. Accept your limitations as a human being. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire – rather than waiting to respond.
19. Self Care
Take care of your mind, body and health. Get regular medical check ups. Eat healthy and work out. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of water. Exercise your mind by continually energizing it with interesting and exciting challenges.
20. Self Confidence
Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. After all no one likes a phony. Determine who you are in the inside – your own personal likes and dislikes. Be confident in who you are. Do the best you can and don’t second guess yourself.
21. Take Responsibility
Happy people know and understand that they are 100% responsible for their life. They take responsibility for their moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. They are the first to admit when they’ve made a mistake.
Begin today by taking responsibility for your happiness. Work on developing these habits as you own. The more you incorporate the above habits into your daily lifestyle – the happier you will be.


Monday, November 4, 2013

I say that I CAN

It's November and lo and behold a month before December, the month we are all waiting for. I love the soothing feeling that Christmas songs bring me, it makes me feel sentimental/ emotional clothe with anticipation. I'm not a kiddo anymore, but most certainly, looking forward to the Yuletide season gives one the vitality and the energy to live on, especially when your brain and body cells are slowly shrinking in number. These months make me feel excited for the year to come, and yes, I claim it that year 2014 is the YEAR of CHANGE.

The Year 2013 started it all when I did one daring and audacious move, one which I kept contemplating whether I'll do it or not for the past two to three years. Much to my amazement, I was able to survive and let it go, even if I was rather dumbfounded and flabbergasted with the results. I did not get what I want, but I just tried to think that I gained more than I lost. Life is too beautiful that I can't afford sulking and crying and fretting over something which I can never have, nor something which I can never rekindle. 2013 being the year of courage enabled me to have grace in defeat, and in the long run, making me reign victorious even then.

And yes, I just did another bold move, which is to finally say "NO" on my job preference form- this time with full conviction. Honestly, I do not know yet where I will go. Who knows where I will be landing next school year. But what is there to fear? The fear of the unknown is something which cowers us humans being; hence, impending our abilities to stretch ourselves to the limits and unleash our potentials. Perhaps this change will be good for me. A change of workplace, culture, people who I will be dealing with- this all means growth. And yes, I embrace and welcome change and growth, which I may never fully have if I remain stuck in the same workplace. I am more excited than fearful, and I am loving the feeling.

I am happy that I am slowly doing things outside my comfort zone. It's true that you can never play it safe in life. Recently, I just experienced selling bags to my friends, relatives, and colleagues, and in less than three weeks time, they're almost sold out! Now I have one more bag left, and I am planning to order and sell bags again. This time, I might even sell bracelets! I also accepted being a Connect Group Apprentice in our church, which means I am being trained to be a leader/mentor to our other worship service attendees. Indeed, life could not get any better than this. I am happy for all the blessings which keep coming my way. If not for the trials which sharpened me before, I would never experience such joy which overflows. Truly, I learned to appreciate life's simply joys and littlest blessings, because I knew how it is to be in terrible and heartbreaking pain.

That in all things God may be glorified. My life is a continuous work in progress. But I fear not because I know I have people who care for me genuinely, I am blessed with so much, and I have a God up there who always lifts me up during my heavy fall. Life may be full of imperfections, but all the more it makes life such a wonder, as I cherish the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride of life. I would make do of what I have, and use the gifts given to me to bless the people around me, and the world. I know, I can do anything. I just have to believe! :)

I welcome all the changes and new things that will happen this 2014. I am most ready. I know, I always CAN. :)

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Nelleiram's Shoppe now open! Selling Marikina made bags!

It's been a while since I posted something here in blogger. And now I'm back and I want to promote my business: trendy and affordable Marikina bags! I just started an online business called Nelleiram's Shoppe, and I'd like to promote it thru this site.

Marikina bags are famous for being durable, affordable, but at the same time, trendy and stylish. With that, you will not regret buying one. For those who are interested, pls check my fb account: Ellen Marie Llabore. The album  Nelleiram's Shoppe Batch 1 is open to the public. :) (Link:

Here are the pictures of the bags I'm selling:

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I have a dream :)

"Don't let life randomly kick you into the adult you don't want to become." - Chris Hadfield

Ever since I was child, I have this dream- a dream inside me that will never expire.

I want to be a writer. I live this dream by writing poems, essays, articles, and blogs. Writing is in my blood, in the air that I breathe, in the words that I speak. But there's more to life than simply putting my thoughts in paper.

I want to be more than just a random writer. As time passes by, my dream elevates to a higher plane. I dream of publishing a book of my own, and it is a dream that I do pray will come true.

I envision that one day, I will finally have a book of my own. I seriously want to become a children's book writer, having been inspired by one of the talks I attended months ago. Since then, I was agitated and eager to make that dream come true.

But my fears and hesitations are my stumbling blocks. How will I make that happen when I don't even know  how to start? When I don't have the necessary connections, will that dream of mine still be a reality? And so most of the time, I'll get stuck, and just dream on.

However, most of the things we now perceive do begin with ideas. One simple idea will spark it all. That passion for writing will be my source of hope and my inspiration to live the dream.

It may take me three, five, ten years before that dream finally happens. But who knows when it will be? As long as the passion is burning and kept aflame, I know and most certainly believe, I am bound to have it.

For now, I will just write and try and try and try. Even if I falter, stumble, get rejected, and make mistakes in the process- I will go on. I may lose ideas and get tired, but I will stand tall and get by. I am certain, that I will not leave this world without realizing that dream. I will, most assuredly. I want to be a writer and that will never change. It is my heart's desire and I will move my life to the path that I truly yearn for.

And if you just see, it then you can do it. Believe, work, and make it happen. Someday soon, the victory will be mine. I claim it. :)

Monday, September 16, 2013

love is a choice

Sometimes there are no happy endings. No matter what, I’ll be losing something, someone. But maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what temptations or obstacles stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.

-          Love the One You are With” Emily Giffin

            These days, the definition of love is very varied, and sadly sometimes, to the point that it is idealized. Love is compared to a fairy tale, akin to having flutters and butterflies in one’s stomach, fantastic, and magical.  But love, as beautiful and amazing as it is, has its ups and downs. Truth be told, love is never perfect, and you can’t always expect sweet and melodious music playing as the background. Still and all, even with the imperfections, shortcomings, and flaws, you still love and that is a choice you decide to make.

            In love there will be days when you will have fights and disagreements- petty, trivial, serious and grave. Even so, no matter how difficult and troublesome it is, you both make up and reconcile, because you believe that love is worth fighting for. As the song goes “I won’t give up on us, even the sky gets rough”, and despite the hassle and bustle of the relationship, you are willing to give love a go, and you decide to stay and make amends, because it is simply not worth giving up.

            No matter how much we try, there will be times when we will fail in the eyes of the one we love. Sometimes it’s intentional or maybe a result of the circumstances. And when this happens, love allows you to be humble, to forgive, to forget and not to hold grudges. True love does not harbour any bitterness and does not seek revenge. With that, love is willing to start all over again and again  - anew, afresh, even better than ever.

            With the imperfections that come with humanity is the thinking that someone may still be better out there. Even with the idea that someone is way handsome or prettier, more intelligent, more successful, more caring and sweet, the moment you promised to love the person you are with, you make all efforts to guarantee he/she is the one, and no one else will ever be. Truth is, there will really always be someone that seems to be better than the person you love. But love is also about sticking with the person you promise to love forever, even if you are old, wrinkly, overweight, toothless, and gray. Sadly, infidelity happens because we allow our discontentment to devour our system. It’s then that we start to look for someone else, without realizing that we already have the 80% of what we are looking for, and still wander searching for the missing 10%. Loyalty does not come easily. It is sometimes a painstaking process one has to endure with all the temptations hovering around. Loving the one you are with is an effort we all have to make. We stay in love and in the relationship because we choose to. It is always a product of choice and not of circumstance.

            And when the spark and magic starts to fade away and die down, what are we supposed to do? Is it something to mope about, to be embittered, and to soon leave? The reality is the magic and spark of love is likewise a product of our actions- with consistent and persistent effort. This applies to male and female alike. When the harmonious music decreases in volume, maybe it’s time to make our own music. Which goes to say, we make an effort to make the music, spark, and magic keep blazing and aflame, even with the test of time, and all the obstacles couples have to go through.

            At the end of the day, love is always a choice. It is not just a feeling, for there will always be a time when feelings mellow down, although may not necessarily change. We stay in love because we want to and have to constantly live by the promise we make the day we allow ourselves to fall in love. And love gets more beautiful that even if you fall out of love, you stand up and decide to stay, because you know that love is not just about feelings, but of actions. Love is a verb we have to act upon- everyday, as it goes in the wedding vows: through sickness and health, richer and poorer, till death do us part. Now that is the magic of true love as it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Monday, August 19, 2013

A glimmer of hope in the midst of darkness

Is there still hope for the Philippines? That is a question every Filipino has in their head. A question in which the answer is undefined up to now.

Recently, we have just experienced the catastrope brought about by the incessant rains of the typhoon Maring. On the side, there are issues on pork barrel, corruption, and proper allocation of the people's funds. While everyone was praying that the rain would cease and the floods will subside, I just cannot help but think: we experience the same scenario every year, there was Ondoy, Habagat, and Maring. And every year, it gets worse. But why are there floods and landslides every year? Or maybe since time immemorial, tracing it back up to the time where our memory serves us right.

We should not ignore the fact that part of the flooding and landslide is due to the negligence and abuse of people. We cut down trees and do not replace them, we devastate the mountains, we convert more farmlands to subdivisions, we throw trash insensibly. We are never responsible for our own actions. And when mother nature takes its course, its wrath is always destructible. So here we are, still left in this seemingly hopeless situation, the vicious cycle goes on and on.

On the other hand, everyone who's wishfully thinking can't help but hope that our politicians also be responsible for the funds entrusted into their hands. Those are people's money, and we the common folk, who work tirelessly, expect that the money being deducted from our salary will be put into good use. And an example of a proper allocation of that fund will be the facilities we can use in times of emergencies like this- rubber boats and other life-saving equipment which are not substandard, medicines, evacuation centers, and relief goods. Add up to that, since we do not wish to deal with all the hassle of the floods from time to time, maybe a better road and flood system would be deemed helpful and essential. People want a temporary solution to these perennial problems, and the government should not keep their heads cool on matters like this.

The pinpointing goes on and on. The issues of corruption and dishonesty prevails, just like as many cities and provinces continue experiencing the outpouring flood. When will the water level go down? Or will it subside and then appear again? Will the strong winds of corruption and dishonesty keep on bashing our country like that of a typhoon? Will it keep devastating lives, depriving the populace of what they rightfully deserve, a right to a good life? And when will it ever stop, or maybe be lessened, or will it ever be?

The gloominess when a typhoon wreaks havoc is a metaphor to the real situation of our country. Winds will do shake and break us, so as the issues in the government, that comes to and fro. The people experiencing flooding, struggle to be saved, and so are we, the Filpinos, from this depressing state of corruption and dishonesty. We want to have light after this bleak storm, and we just cannot wait for the sun to shine again, and be back to our normal lives. Filipinos want to be freed from that misery, as ideal as it may sound. And lest we all act, from the common folks, to the middle class, the noveau-rich, and those who are part of the government, the same question will still be hovering on our heads.

Is there still hope for the Philippines? Let's not just hope that there is hope. We should act to make things hopeful for us, to yield positive and good results. In our own ways we can. There is always a call to move, and to make bold and courageous actions. We should not wait, as the time is now. No more cursing, loathing, denial, and pointing of fingers - lest we do not want a total wipe-out ala Noah's flood before the Philippines can start a new.

Monday, August 12, 2013

I am Titanium :)

The expectations that society give can really be overwhelming, drowning, and excruciating. At the age of 20-21, they expect you to graduate, which is pretty normal, and should really be the case. After you land a good job, save for yourself, help your parents in the process, people will start bugging you the perennial question of whether you are in a relationship or not. If you are, congratulations, people are happy for you, but wait, there's more, they will ask you "so when are you going to get married?" And if not, then brace yourself, you'll be bombarded with "Why not?" Let me rephrase it "Oh What's wrong with you, yadda yadda yadda." Sometimes people will even have the temerity to say "So don't you feel lonely that you are single." And here comes the "life threatening" statement, "It's hard to grow old. You are not getting any younger. The clock ticks, fast!" As if getting into a serious relationship is as easy as ABC or 123.

Seriously speaking, those expectations can be frustrating and nerve racking. I mean, what the hell is wrong with being single? Even Ramon Bautista would say, "there's nothing wrong with being single. There's no problem, really. You just allow the comments of the people around you to get into your head, and that creates a problem." I am not saying that being in a relationship is problematic, either. Come on, don't you feel happy when you see people in love. But if you want to be in a relationship like that, what's the need to rush?

For 3 years this has been an experience I am battling with. And honestly, it was nightmarish. I feel frustrated because I see couples around me who are very much in love. Some of my friends are getting married and having kids (they married early though). There are times when I will cry out of frustration and even question myself if something's wrong and I would feel the hole, the gap, the space, the missing link. I felt I was incomplete. I would date and meet guys, expect that the person I have been long waiting for will love me, chase him in the process. But then life can really be hard on you, because if it won't, you will never learn. As time goes by though, I had a change of heart and perspective.

I know I still need to be in love. But now, even if people would bug me, I would just shrug off my shoulders and smile. I'm still young, beautiful, smart, what the hell is wrong with me? Nothing. I am not incomplete. I am living my life according to how I want it. I have good friends, a stable job, a family who supports me, a God who never leaves me, a promising life is ahead of me. What else can I ask for? Yes, my life is not perfect. But I will not allow my being single to make me feel less of a woman. I am who I am. This time, nothing and no one can ever shake me. "I'm bullet oroof, nothing to lose. Fire away.. fire away."

A serious relationship is not meant to be rushed. So I meet guys along the way, and just be happy I met them. This time, no pressure. No expectations, at all. Better? Yes, it is. You don't get hurt even if you met a lot along the way and still there's no prospect. A good friend of mine once told me, just go and continue what you are doing right now. Go out, enjoy, sail, meet more people, girls and boys alike. Out of the many encounters you have, who knows, you'll meet that "one."

So I've dated and tried, and didn't work out. Try again. Never stop believing. Life is a work in progress. You fail, you commit mistakes. You learn. You're better. People will judge you and mock you for they feel the delay of your love story. At times I would even be lambasted by saying, you are already too open and friendly, and still no one falls for you (with a cruel laugh). Painful? Yes it is, most certainly. But crestfallen? No. I've guarded myself. I just take good note of the harsh things they said. After all, even with all the good that you do, people will still have something negative to say about you.

And a relationship for me, is something serious. I don't play games. I want to get married, to the right person. To someone who loves me and is more than ready. To someone who will fight for me and will stand by me. I want to marry a man who stands firm in his belief and in his principles. And whilst on my journey to finding that love, I am making myself the "right woman" for the right man. Marriage is a commitment as well. You need a stable job to feed the baby and raise a family. Sometimes, it's just not about love. It's also about commitment, maturity, and responsibility.

Time can tell when I'll find that love. After all what happened in my life, I learned to toughen and make myself numb to what people say about me. I realized I don't always have to listen to them. It's a cruel test. You make yourself deaf because you don't want them to get the hell out of you. But when you are able to do so, you can hold your head up high and say:

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up.

So shoot me down, I won't fall
cause I am Titanium! :)

Saturday, August 10, 2013

invisible invincible

Life is somehow on the rocks recently. I wish I could say it's a breeze, but there's just so much to be stressed about. I'm not complaining really. This time I will be narrating the facts, because they happen for real. Still and all, I try my best to keep it cool.

I started the school year telling myself that everything will be fine. For the first few months, it is. As time progressed, well, things sort of changed. I still love my students, but they do get the hell out of me sometimes. They are little angel-devils. Don't be deceived if they are cute and oh so loving. They are mischievous, but yeah well yeah, you love them still. Talk about unconditional love, maybe I'm good at that.

With great power comes great responsibility, so as much as possible, I avoid committing myself to extra school work, lest I want myself exhausted, drained, and dead (just exaggerating). I don't volunteer myself and I shrug my shoulders off when there's a meeting or gathering. I guess instead of loving where I'm at, I'm starting to be more detached, numb, and sometimes...cynical. This is not good.

There's just so much expectations from work. Morning meetings, Character Formation, Excellent Teaching, Discipline, Diligence, Responsibility, Prudence, Modesty (I am never super modest, believe me!)....and all those other virtues you can ever think of. I am not perfect though, and their expectations sometimes do frustrate me. Oh I can never really attain perfection and I am not inline for beatification. I have flaws, and I love it. As time goes by, I learned to create my own identity, and what people say about me, will never define who I am.

A source of consolation is my friends at work. Yes I do have them. We share the same sentiments and rants. And they keep me going when the going gets tough. I laugh, whine, scream, with them. And if there's a reason why I still go to work, I guess it's because of them.

These days I barely meet my other friends though. Because of what happened recently (Read my previous blogs, hoho), I started to let go of them, slowly. Time can tell when I will see them again. They are all busy, though. And I know time is our greatest opponent. The same goes for my college friends. I'm not gonna let them go, because as for me, they are the most genuine of all. These are the people who love me and accept me for who I am, who are excited for my successes, and will comfort me during my downtrodden moments. If all else fail, they listen but never judge. It's just I seem to be more laid-back compared to them. They all get busy from work. I bother them to give me time, but then again, our time never matches perfectly. We can find time, maybe, but not know. In times like this, I know, I have myself to depend on. And God is also there.

Good to know that I still know to set my priorities straight. I still join connect groups (an activity at the Feast), I am starting to attend Thursdays worship service again and I am back to writing. I miss the adrenaline rush of an ever busy life, but I guess God wants me to chill a bit. I just don't want to stay at home most of the time because I'm the time who wants to make the most out of my life. In fact, as early as now, I scheduled my summer trip already. And I am bringing my family to Bohol this time. Cheerssss! Something to look forward to, indeed.

And I still have this uncertainties as regards to work. Maybe next year is the perfect timing to say Goodbye to the school where I served for three-four years. Sad to say, even if I tried, I know it is not the place where I see myself retiring. As early as now, I have to decide where I am going- Scholastic, Science School, International School, or abroad. The decision is mine to make, and God, I just hope You will help me see where I can be my best self, and simply be happy. :) In my heart, I know, the moment I resign from work, it's gonna be liberating. So why am I restraining myself to be happy? Sometimes though, there are foolish mistakes you make. I have to learn to go out of my comfort zone.

Whatever happens in my life though,  I know it's for the best. I make my own decisions, but with guidance from my friends, family, the people who care, and God, I know I'll finally find my road to happiness. I may not be perfectly contented with what I have, but I am still thankful  for all the blessings that come my way. And at the end of the day, I will say, "thy will be done." In due time, all will be well. And I am willing to take even the steepest step, if that road will lead me to where my heart will be at home.

Friday, August 9, 2013


You are almost perfect for me. A dream I'd always want to be a reality. A star I'd always like to reach.

But sometimes, what seems to be perfect, may be too far-fetched, out of reach, or never too good for you at all.

That is what loving you did to me.

I was hurt more than I can imagine.
I cried silently. No one knows.
That when I look at our old friendship photos, I know I have to tell myself "gone were the days."

But I know, too, I don't have to dwell on that too long.
I have to slowly, but surely let you go.
Though in my weirdest fantasies, I will still picture you having a change of heart.
That you will finally have the guts, and will chase me.
I know that in reality, you won't.

All this time, all along, I have been loving you "on my own."
That it was an unrequited love- something that can only be true in my dreams.
I can't always go back to the past. The only thing left for me to do is to move forward.
No matter how painful it is, I just have to let you go.
You never really cared in the same way that I do.
You never really love me, as much as I love you.
What can be more unbearable than that?

With you I learned how to love secretly.
I learned to keep everything in my closet.
And I learned to gather my courage, and fight for what I want, too.
I learned the true meaning of love.
I learned how to be a fool out of love, just once.
And yes, I knew how to give my all, and wait, even in vain.
I knew how it is to let go, even if it's you that I have been waiting for so long.

Because I thought I could not live without you.
I was always afraid, that the moment I let it all,
the moment it didn't turn out as expected,
I will die a cruel death, deep inside.
Surprisingly, I survived.
I still am very much alive.
My life goes on and on and on, even if it means not having you around.

There will be times you will bump into my memory.
That can't be helped.
As time goes by, maybe I will finally move on.
And just smile, for all my foolishness. Yes it was.

Someday, I know, someday.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

room for change

A lot of things, which are so drastic and whirlwind, happened in my life lately. As I look back, I am still aghast, perplexed, and sometimes flabbergasted. Still and all, I try to rise above the challenge and pick up the pieces. That's the best thing to do given the situation. I may be downtrodden by then, but then again, I cannot stoop any lower anymore. Hence, I choose to stand tall, learn my lesson, and move forward as I try my very best to be strong and happy.

Losing a friend you value so dearly is not easy. At times I still feel my heart breaking, aching, and even yearning for him. But maybe after everything that transpired, it is best to distance myself from him, as I know, there are things which I can never really have. Sad to say I went overboard, and this is what I got from stepping outside the boundaries. I braced myself and did things irrationally. I was just hoping for the best, hoping it will stop all my assumptions, daydreaming, and sometimes nightmares. I thought it will be a nirvana for me, but things were so ephemeral, being unrequited, I was left still on my own. After all, it was just "one sided" and maybe my plain foolishness and stupidity. It is always, and will always be wrong to assume and expect. However, there are emotions that will intrude and can never control. Therefore, I have to let go. There is also a limit to my stupidity. I gave up instead of chasing pavements. It is painful. The long wait was all along a wrong move. But then again, I have learned.

Even if things did not go my way, I kept telling myself I do not want to be bitter or cynical about it. For people who were so sympathetic as to the turnabout of things, they felt overly concerned for me. I thank them. But I do not want to judge the person. After all, he was special to me. No, this is not part of my idiocity, this time, I'm pretty sure I am logically thinking and weighing things. It was not his fault, not even mine. We were both honest about how we felt. It was just, there are things we cannot force. Thus, the truth both set us free.

Yes, it was liberating. This time, I won't wait any longer, in vain. Is it difficult to accept that after all the praying and hoping, it was all for nothing? Yes it was. Terrorizing, agonizing, my heart was drenched in blood, for a shortwhile. not because the feelings were shortlived. In fact, it has been there hiding inside myself, a skeleton in my closet. But what can I do but just accept and move on? Reality always bites, and maybe this time, it gobbled me, slapping me hard, till I was awaken from my dreamy state.  It is beckoning me "hey girl, time to wake up. Go rise from the mud and move on." 

Was it shameful? Not really. I did what I think was best and right, even if apparently I was at the losing end. Still, I would like to say I am not a sour loser. I have nothing but acceptance, no matter how it kills me. For crying out loud, it is never easy to accept defeat, especially when it entails letting go of the person you hold on to for so long. But maybe fate has other plans for the two of us. It may never be destined by the stars, if there is such a thing. I tried to put all my efforts and best foot forward, it did not work to my advantage though. "I gave my all, but I think my all may have been too much." I fell for the wrong person, not because he may not be worth it, but because he really cannot feel the same. 

Right now is no longer the time for moping. I can never change what happened. In reality though, there were times when I want to turn back time, when everything was just smooth and carefree, when there was nothing special for him. I wished that I just didn't cross the boundary, and just killed the emotions while it was on its infancy. It bloomed so much, but perished because it simply has to. There were moments when I am sad for what I lost, a valuable person, a most cherished and treasured friendship. But of course I know I cannot hold on to the same things for so long. It was a habit I got used to, which I have to learn to outgrow from now on. I know he's just there. Perhaps one day when I am able to bury all the emotions deep in the ground, I can face him again, and smile, talk, joke around without feeling anything at all- may it be hurt, liking, or hopes. Now it is just me and my God, facing the battle on my own. I wholly welcome the change that is happening in my life.

And when a door closes, they say another one opens. Who knows what is in store after this painful experience? It may be another opportunity to succeed, to learn, to grow, to mature, to be happy, to gain, to meet more people, and maybe even to find a new love. I am starting anew. I let go of the fears and even of the pains of the past. It may be a scene that keeps on playing on my mind, but I believe I am embracing the liberty of it all. I am free from the manacles that have long bounded me. I am not keeping or hiding anything anymore. I don't have any regrets because there are no longer things which are left unsaid. And now the only thing left for me to do, is to continue living an amazing and happy life. 

He will always be special. But that's just it. I am living a new life. I am stronger, tougher, braver, and wiser than ever. I know that it is prudent to let him go and forget all what I have for him. The victory will be mine, too. Even if it's not him, in another form maybe, with another person. And this time, I believe, I am preparing myself, and soon more than ready to love again, wholehearedly. :)

Saturday, August 3, 2013

so what if "di ka crush ng crush mo?"

Friendzoned. Broken Hearted. Devastated. Taken for granted. A fool out of love.

Sino ba kasing nagsabing madaling main-love?
Siguro sa taong gusto ka din at mutual ang feelings niyo, piece of cake! Go!

Pero what if di ka talaga crush ng crush mo?
Bakit nga kaya?

Sabi ni Mr. Ramon Bautista, ang mga dahilan kung bakit hindi nanliligaw ang mga lalake ay:

1. Nahihiya ako bumili ng flower.
2. Globe ka, smart ako.
3. Ayaw sa akin ng friends mo.
4. Ayaw ko sa friends mo.
5. Ang layo ng bahay mo.
6. Andami kog  karibal na pogi.
7. Hindi ako makapagsalita pag andyan ka.
8. Baka magkanda leche-leche lang ang friendship natin.
9. Irereject mo lang ako.
10. Hindi naman kita ganoon ka gusto talaga. :(

Painful di ba? Traumatic? (Talaga?) But remember, sabi din ni Mr. RB, this is a haiku of a broken heart:

E ano ngayon
kung ayaw mo na sakin?
Hu hu hu... hu hu

Pag sinabihan kang di pa ready, ayaw sa inyo niyan. Imaginin niyo ha, pag si Aga Mulhach ang nanligaw, ready o hindi ready, re-ready yan kasi gusto niya e. 

Hindi ako naniniwala sa fate, destiny, at soulmates. Ang mundo ay binubuo ng mga pangyayaring random na kaganapan. Bahala ka sa buhay mo.

At sabi naman ng friend ko na si Kat. M:

"You dont let the person you like slip away. You effin fight hell to be with him/her."

"If you meet the girl/man of your dreams,  "WAIT! DI PA KO READY, MAGLALANDI MUNA AKO FOR LIKE THREE MORE YEARS, WAIT KA LANG DYAN AH!"? No! You make sure that no one else will have a chance to steal them from you...  you make sure na ikaw ung pipiliin nia. There are millions of people on Earth and finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with is like finding a needle in a haystack. And when you do, will you let it go?"

Think about it. And there's a lot of guys out there who will be willing to love you NOW.

And will you still waste your effort and emotions on a person you know you'll be a sure and sour loser?
We all accept the love we think we deserve.
Let's reverse the situation, let's think we deserve someone way better. :)

Pero, Paano nga ba ang gagawin para maka get-over kapag unrequited love ang peg ng buhay mo? What's the best technique para makamove-on ang wasak na wasak na puso?

1. Kung hindi mutual ang feelings natin. Pwes, gagawin kong mutual. Ayaw ko na rin sa'yo.
2. If you can't move on, move on some more.
3. Huwag ipagpilitin ang sarili sa kanya, lalo na kung obvious namang "one way" ang pagiibigan.
4. Wala ng dapat alamin pa. Forward ang direksyon ng buhay.
5. There's more to life than that person. End of story, Period.
6. Rebound: pwedeng new pet, new special someone, or anything that will make you happy.
7. Revenge: Just be happy. Live an awesome life. 

And no matter how difficult it is, worry not, everything will be okay. As they say,  "if it's not okay, it's not yet the end."

And when one door closes, another window opens. 
There's more to life than love.

“TANDAAN: your mind is your weapon. Pagyamanin natin ito at magiging handa tayo sa gulo na dulot ng paghihimagsik ng puso at bird.” 

We can do it. We just have to think, we can.

And at the end,

Hindi ako crush ng crush ko. 
Eh ano ngayon?

Natuto ka naman, di ba? And now, you are even stronger than before. :)

Sunday, July 28, 2013

talk to him and find out what he feels

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO... My colleague, Lara and her best friend started going out after Lara professed her feelings for him. I actually prodded her to do so, since I think something’s going on between them. After the “confrontation,” Lara and I thought all is well as the guy said they will take it one step at a time. We were happy and contented about the results by then.
Just when I thought that everything was smooth sailing between them, Lara said she started to have doubts when the guy acts “sweet” when they are together, but different when their friends are around. To assess things, she had a moment of silence to just test if the guy will try to communicate and reach out. The guy didn’t. Nevertheless, she still communicates with him from time to time.
I know my friend is still holding on, and I told her that if a guy loves her, he will move mountains for her. But we can never tell if he’ll ever be ready for her. What should I say to my friend? Do you think she should confront him, given their “confusing” status? Or should she take his silence as a sign that he’s not just into her, and maybe move on? I know it’s difficult for her, the guy being her best buddy, but I don’t want her to further hurt herself either. - MAE

CHICO SAYS… Yes, I agree that a guy who likes a girl will move mountains, among other things, just to “own” a girl that he fancies to make sure he marks her as his and sends other suitors a warning to stay away. So when a guy is non-committal about where a girl stands in his life, it is rather odd. Sorry for the generalization, but it’s the girls who are usually more purposely vague about how they feel. Men like you or they don’t. That said, I’m not saying that he doesn’t like your friend. But one thing is clear, there is a reason why he’s acting this way. It could be that he’s not really into her, but it could be one of many reasons as well. I suggest your friend gets to the bottom of things. She needs to know why he wouldn’t be as demonstrative with her when his friends are around. Sometimes it’s just a matter of Pink’s song “Just Another Reason,” where to the guy everything’s fine, but to the girl, their relationship just disintegrated into irretrievable decay. They’re pretty new into the relationship, so it’s quite normal for there to be lapses in communication. They don’t speak the same language yet, so it’s very easy to misinterpret each other’s words and actions. It’s very crucial that they actually say the words, as opposed to merely reading each other. They need to talk. It is step one to finding out if they just need a little fixing, or if it’s finally kaput.

DELAMAR SAYS... It sounds like the guy is trying to be ‘polite.’ It’s as if he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings and so after she professed her feelings he just went with the flow and let things happen as she wanted it. In a relationship, though, you want to be wanted by the person you want. You don’t want someone who will only want you as long as you want him. You want someone you know is present at the other end of the relationship, loving you as much as you love him.

This test of silence she gave him leaves too many questions. Go direct and ask him if he wants to be in a relationship with her or did he feel forced into it? Tell her to ask him point blank. And should the answer be NO, be mature enough to accept it without retaliation. After all, we all have to go into a relationship willingly. Of course, it’ll hurt but at least she’ll find out if the guy is really hers or not. If he isn’t, have a good cry about it. Mope as long as she needs. And then? Well, move on, hopefully to someone who will want and love her as much as she wants and loves him.

GINO SAYS... As with any other relationship what I always suggest is communication. I think that no harm can come from talking to the other person about it. You can speculate about it all you want but whatever it may be, the only way to really find out is to talk about it.
Think about it this way, if you talk about it now your friend might still be able to fix it. If they don’t see eye to eye, then they can part ways earlier and avoid the situation getting deeper and more painful.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

taking chances

Life is one big gamble that we humans play, for nothing is ever certain in this world (perhaps except change). Unfortunately though, happiness can never be found by playing it safe. Truth of the matter is, the most successful persons in the world all have something in common- they go out of their comfort zones, try the unexpected, and make risks.

                They say one would never know unless he tries. It may be doomed to fail - one may be bound to cry, to stumble, to fall on their knees, to bend and all. But what can be even worse than simply sitting down and never trying at all? Even if you played the game well and gave all the dice but still lost at the end, it is far better than waking up in the middle of the night because it bugged you that you never take the risk. Losing is always part of doing the unexpected, but when you know you did all that you can, it still gives that feeling of happiness that you gave your best , even if you did not get what you really wanted.

                Maybe it is human nature that we are afraid of failure. Who would want to get hurt anyway? Unless one is by nature born a suffering martyr, one would not succumb himself to sure death. But all those who willingly and daringly faced the unknown and uncertain and survived will most likely thrive in life. Why? They are more than ready to undergo painful sharpening and they are humble enough to learn the hard way. They are aware that experiences, no matter how throbbing and traumatic, will surely make a better person out of you. They want to try and to take risks, because they are eager to learn, no matter what it takes.

                And who says one is going to lose forever anyway? Perhaps after a hundredth attempt, one may bag the winning streak. And when the win is there for the grabs, it is such a victorious moment one will cherish for all eternity. It may be difficult during the first attempt, may be heart breaking on the succeeding ones, or soon a person may almost be pushed to give it up; but in trying in trying again and again, one will surely succeed, even if that success is far different from what is expected.

                One may give his best and may not be enough or been too much. There’s no use to blaming oneself either. If this may offer further consolation, the world is round. Who knows, tomorrow one’s luck will be different? We can never tell when the odds will be finally in one’s favor. But dreams do happen because we believe and we are certain that it will be a reality, and we do everything in our power to make them happen.

                At the end of the day, it’s not just solely in winning, but in doing one’s best and in doing everything with love, purpose, and passion. That way we live life with no regrets. We have no one to blame and we only have memories to look back to with fondness, as we go for what we wanted even if the world is against you. As we go through one failure to another, surely we have with us the greatest trophy life can ever give- our mistakes transformed as learning experiences. Rest assured that all those are never put to waste, as we learn to be the best because we once know how it is to lose.





dearest friend

I was browsing at the files on my computer when I found this one. I was surprised that I actually wrote such note. It has been a long time and I didn't even remember that I did write this letter. If truth be told, there are memories worth holding on to, if that will make us feel better, or maybe offer further consolation. For the time being; however, there are things worthy of setting aside. I can never bring back the time



Dearest friend,


I’m on the midst of doing something important, but out of nowhere your face flashed onto my mind like lightning so I can’t help but blurt it all out through writing.

To cut the story short, I simply would like to ask you if you’re doing well. I haven’t talked to you for quite a time and though I haven’t  done so, I wish all are in good terms.


It’s been so long since we last talked about how our lives have been. I’ve been missing our blabbers and rants about how life is simply going on. Well, you may find this so emotional or so sentimental of me but maybe this is my way of showing affection for the people I care about. Having you around and knowing you’ll always give a comforting pat on my back makes things easier for me. But since our communication lines are hazy nowadays, sometimes I feel clouds hover above me. It’s true, you have been my source of refuge lately. Let’s say that it was quite a habit that I got used to, and I was caught off-guard and unprepared that I have to deal with some trivial matters (that I consider  bothersome) on my own.


Well, to make it more direct, Thank you. I want to thank you  because you always make me feel life is simply happy with having a friend around. Thank you because you always teach me how to look at life in a brighter perspective even if you have your own worries to ponder over. Through the years, when I was left alone (or I feel I was), you were always there to stand by me. You know very well from the start that I was a cry baby, but I always felt that you will not mock me for my weakness, because you were there to simply understand. Finding someone like you nowadays is not easy, as it will be  like looking for a hidden treasure, but even if my world is topsy-turvy, I guess I’m still lucky that God gave me a friend like you. Well, I hope you’ll never change and you’ll remain to be the person I know. Maybe you won’t,but instead you’ll change for the better since I’ve always known you to be true and sincere.


I’ve had a number of friends and for the time being, not all of them are lucky enough to withstand the test of time. And though we haven’t really talked much lately, I still fervently pray that you’ll be one of those few friends I can (keep) treasure forever. Time may be our opponent sometime because of our busy schedules, but as for me, no matter how pre-occupied I am, that will never mean that I love and care for you less. In fact, I’ll  remain to be that one friend you can count on, rain or shine,thick or thin, from beginning to end.


I’m sorry if this letter is making your eyes sore from reading much. I’d like to joke about it, maybe that’s the quirks of having a friend who’s crazy about writing. To end this novel-length letter, I hereby send you my wishes of good luck, goodwill, love, and blessings. I’ll continuously pray that all what you asked for be given, and if there are times that you can’t help but despair; you  know where to find me. Technology is always one gift that allows us to get closer (so let’s take advantage of it). I bid farewell for now, but I know (and I believe!) I’ll see you sooner (I hope!). Cheers and keep smiling, and of course,  congratulations, kudos, keep it up! I’m extremely jubilant for all your achievements lately!


Always, always, and forever and always

(exaggeration intended)

your naughty and overly persistent friend,

- Ellen Marie



Why am I writing this?

Just guess!

Hahaahahah! ^^,

Take care!

the big girl bids goodbye to fairy tales

The Big Girl Bids Goodbye to Fairy Tales

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.” – Taylor Swift

                Shakespeare once wrote that “The Course of True Love never did run smooth.” In the process of finding that love, we craft the grandest love story in our imagination only to be left bewildered by the harsh reality of love. It was, is, and will never be a piece of cake. At times, it can be a pain and the neck. Our dreams suddenly were shaken, vanished, and crushed into bits and pieces. It’s only then that we started to let go of the myths we hold on to for so long, and the little girl within us starts to die. As it is love is not always about finding the prince charming in times of distress. Or maybe there is really no fairy God mother who will help us find that one true love. When pain strikes our heart, loud and hard, reality knocks us off our feet and we begin to embrace the fact that love is not always, a fairy tale.

                More often than not this is a bitter pill to swallow. Who would’ve want a prince charming, one such being described in the fairy tales we grew up with? But as we struggle to find love, and eventually grow older and wiser, we start to look at everything in a different light. True love happens when it’s bound to happen, but it takes one brave action as well. It takes a woman of character and integrity to find the right man, and playing the “damsel in distress drama” might be useless. A woman who has the mature outlook and perspective in life knows what her dreams, purpose, and passion are and she is living it up day by day. It’s not always about waiting for the “knight in shining armor riding in a white horse” coming to save her and drive her to a castle far-away.

                But even if life turns sour and love seems so difficult to find, there is always a reason to hope for and hold on to. The little girl within us may die after the devastating outcomes brought about by harsh life, but the spirit will never expire. The tears shed are never useless as through pain we are sharpened and toughened, hopefully in a good way. Pain comes with a purpose, whatever that reason is, despite it being difficult to comprehend. It’s just that the little girl dreams and fantasizes, and the big girl hopes, prays, and makes it happen. She learns her lessons from her mistakes and slowly lets go of the ideal and cling on to what’s real and achievable. Still and all, whatever adversities she faced, this will never diminish her belief in herself as she already realized her worth. This means she is no longer the princess in waiting, but a well-grounded woman.

                Is it still worthy to look for a prince charming nowadays? Maybe yes, maybe no. But I guess Prince Charming is just an ideal instilled to us and an over attachment to it may lead to delusions and further hallucinations. Why look for the ideal prince charming when I can find a real man? No one is perfect. But sure there is the "right" one.

                I guess from time to time it’s still good to go back to the child in us and believe in fairy tales. But this is real life- we grow, we learn, we make mistakes, we mature. We realize that we need to distinguish the difference from fantasy and reality. And when the tough gets going and the going gets tough, we learn to both accept and let go. Accept that there are things which are never meant to happen and people in life we can never ever have. Till then we can confidently tell ourselves “I’ve grown up. I’m no longer a little girl. My experiences enabled me to learn and polished me to become better.”

Sunday, July 21, 2013

dating a boy vs dating a man (copied)

When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.
“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  - Psychology Today
So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.
I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.
  1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
  5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
  8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
  10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013


Ain’t a wise man, for foolish decisions have been made

To love, to let go, to wait, to stay, to linger

To hold on to for so long

Even with the uncertainties

And the odds of losing is even greater.


The game has been played.

And the risks became greater than the gains.

And the question that’s left

Should one give up

Or keep on chasing the unreachable?


The signs were nowhere

The silence becomes definite

Deafening one’s soul and core

Left alone.Wondering.Bewildered.


And when you’re in this crossroad

Comes the death of the inner soul.