invisible invincible

Life is somehow on the rocks recently. I wish I could say it's a breeze, but there's just so much to be stressed about. I'm not complaining really. This time I will be narrating the facts, because they happen for real. Still and all, I try my best to keep it cool.

I started the school year telling myself that everything will be fine. For the first few months, it is. As time progressed, well, things sort of changed. I still love my students, but they do get the hell out of me sometimes. They are little angel-devils. Don't be deceived if they are cute and oh so loving. They are mischievous, but yeah well yeah, you love them still. Talk about unconditional love, maybe I'm good at that.

With great power comes great responsibility, so as much as possible, I avoid committing myself to extra school work, lest I want myself exhausted, drained, and dead (just exaggerating). I don't volunteer myself and I shrug my shoulders off when there's a meeting or gathering. I guess instead of loving where I'm at, I'm starting to be more detached, numb, and sometimes...cynical. This is not good.

There's just so much expectations from work. Morning meetings, Character Formation, Excellent Teaching, Discipline, Diligence, Responsibility, Prudence, Modesty (I am never super modest, believe me!)....and all those other virtues you can ever think of. I am not perfect though, and their expectations sometimes do frustrate me. Oh I can never really attain perfection and I am not inline for beatification. I have flaws, and I love it. As time goes by, I learned to create my own identity, and what people say about me, will never define who I am.

A source of consolation is my friends at work. Yes I do have them. We share the same sentiments and rants. And they keep me going when the going gets tough. I laugh, whine, scream, with them. And if there's a reason why I still go to work, I guess it's because of them.


These days I barely meet my other friends though. Because of what happened recently (Read my previous blogs, hoho), I started to let go of them, slowly. Time can tell when I will see them again. They are all busy, though. And I know time is our greatest opponent. The same goes for my college friends. I'm not gonna let them go, because as for me, they are the most genuine of all. These are the people who love me and accept me for who I am, who are excited for my successes, and will comfort me during my downtrodden moments. If all else fail, they listen but never judge. It's just I seem to be more laid-back compared to them. They all get busy from work. I bother them to give me time, but then again, our time never matches perfectly. We can find time, maybe, but not know. In times like this, I know, I have myself to depend on. And God is also there.

Good to know that I still know to set my priorities straight. I still join connect groups (an activity at the Feast), I am starting to attend Thursdays worship service again and I am back to writing. I miss the adrenaline rush of an ever busy life, but I guess God wants me to chill a bit. I just don't want to stay at home most of the time because I'm the time who wants to make the most out of my life. In fact, as early as now, I scheduled my summer trip already. And I am bringing my family to Bohol this time. Cheerssss! Something to look forward to, indeed.

And I still have this uncertainties as regards to work. Maybe next year is the perfect timing to say Goodbye to the school where I served for three-four years. Sad to say, even if I tried, I know it is not the place where I see myself retiring. As early as now, I have to decide where I am going- Scholastic, Science School, International School, or abroad. The decision is mine to make, and God, I just hope You will help me see where I can be my best self, and simply be happy. :) In my heart, I know, the moment I resign from work, it's gonna be liberating. So why am I restraining myself to be happy? Sometimes though, there are foolish mistakes you make. I have to learn to go out of my comfort zone.

Whatever happens in my life though,  I know it's for the best. I make my own decisions, but with guidance from my friends, family, the people who care, and God, I know I'll finally find my road to happiness. I may not be perfectly contented with what I have, but I am still thankful  for all the blessings that come my way. And at the end of the day, I will say, "thy will be done." In due time, all will be well. And I am willing to take even the steepest step, if that road will lead me to where my heart will be at home.