I am Titanium :)

The expectations that society give can really be overwhelming, drowning, and excruciating. At the age of 20-21, they expect you to graduate, which is pretty normal, and should really be the case. After you land a good job, save for yourself, help your parents in the process, people will start bugging you the perennial question of whether you are in a relationship or not. If you are, congratulations, people are happy for you, but wait, there's more, they will ask you "so when are you going to get married?" And if not, then brace yourself, you'll be bombarded with "Why not?" Let me rephrase it "Oh What's wrong with you, yadda yadda yadda." Sometimes people will even have the temerity to say "So don't you feel lonely that you are single." And here comes the "life threatening" statement, "It's hard to grow old. You are not getting any younger. The clock ticks, fast!" As if getting into a serious relationship is as easy as ABC or 123.

Seriously speaking, those expectations can be frustrating and nerve racking. I mean, what the hell is wrong with being single? Even Ramon Bautista would say, "there's nothing wrong with being single. There's no problem, really. You just allow the comments of the people around you to get into your head, and that creates a problem." I am not saying that being in a relationship is problematic, either. Come on, don't you feel happy when you see people in love. But if you want to be in a relationship like that, what's the need to rush?

For 3 years this has been an experience I am battling with. And honestly, it was nightmarish. I feel frustrated because I see couples around me who are very much in love. Some of my friends are getting married and having kids (they married early though). There are times when I will cry out of frustration and even question myself if something's wrong and I would feel the hole, the gap, the space, the missing link. I felt I was incomplete. I would date and meet guys, expect that the person I have been long waiting for will love me, chase him in the process. But then life can really be hard on you, because if it won't, you will never learn. As time goes by though, I had a change of heart and perspective.

I know I still need to be in love. But now, even if people would bug me, I would just shrug off my shoulders and smile. I'm still young, beautiful, smart, what the hell is wrong with me? Nothing. I am not incomplete. I am living my life according to how I want it. I have good friends, a stable job, a family who supports me, a God who never leaves me, a promising life is ahead of me. What else can I ask for? Yes, my life is not perfect. But I will not allow my being single to make me feel less of a woman. I am who I am. This time, nothing and no one can ever shake me. "I'm bullet oroof, nothing to lose. Fire away.. fire away."

A serious relationship is not meant to be rushed. So I meet guys along the way, and just be happy I met them. This time, no pressure. No expectations, at all. Better? Yes, it is. You don't get hurt even if you met a lot along the way and still there's no prospect. A good friend of mine once told me, just go and continue what you are doing right now. Go out, enjoy, sail, meet more people, girls and boys alike. Out of the many encounters you have, who knows, you'll meet that "one."

So I've dated and tried, and didn't work out. Try again. Never stop believing. Life is a work in progress. You fail, you commit mistakes. You learn. You're better. People will judge you and mock you for they feel the delay of your love story. At times I would even be lambasted by saying, you are already too open and friendly, and still no one falls for you (with a cruel laugh). Painful? Yes it is, most certainly. But crestfallen? No. I've guarded myself. I just take good note of the harsh things they said. After all, even with all the good that you do, people will still have something negative to say about you.

And a relationship for me, is something serious. I don't play games. I want to get married, to the right person. To someone who loves me and is more than ready. To someone who will fight for me and will stand by me. I want to marry a man who stands firm in his belief and in his principles. And whilst on my journey to finding that love, I am making myself the "right woman" for the right man. Marriage is a commitment as well. You need a stable job to feed the baby and raise a family. Sometimes, it's just not about love. It's also about commitment, maturity, and responsibility.

Time can tell when I'll find that love. After all what happened in my life, I learned to toughen and make myself numb to what people say about me. I realized I don't always have to listen to them. It's a cruel test. You make yourself deaf because you don't want them to get the hell out of you. But when you are able to do so, you can hold your head up high and say:

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up.

So shoot me down, I won't fall
cause I am Titanium! :)