moving on and on and on

And so my ex just texted me last Monday. Yeah, to my surprise. He was asking how I am doing lately. Though surprised, I still managed to thank him for finding time to ask me how I was.

How am I really feeling right now? So what was his score in my heart? Are there still butterflies and flutters in my stomach whenever he texts me? Oh well, I don't know if this was caused by the break-up or after hearing so many wake-up calls from my friends, I guess the care was still there but the love? 70-30. 70% would be "I have moved on." and 30% I still care about you.

I would not say that I have completely forgotten him, but I guess I accepted the fact that I have to let him go as he is becoming a heavy baggage I am forced to carry. I decided to unload so I can travel light. If I really love him, the best thing to do is set him free so that he can no longer hurt my feelings. And so going back, how did I feel upon seeing his text aside from being bewildered? Honestly, I felt puzzled and quite annoyed. I mean, how can he act so insensitive as if nothing happened, as if he didn't tell me that we'll be okay and then again he'll disappear on me for a month? What does he really think of me? A toy, a reserve force, someone who he can leave and pick up when he feels like it. It's me who can change the way he thinks about me. He has to learn his lesson too.

So what did I do? I finally said that:

It's not okay but I guess that's  okay na din. I  did my best but I guess that's it. Be happy. Find what makes you happy and that's not me. :)) (with smiley, take note). I'll pray for you.

No matter how hard and painful that may be, I guess it's really the right thing to do. Apparently, he wants to go back to my life. But I did not say "YES". I did not accept him, but instead I said I wanted to talk to him in person. He said he will. But I won't wait anymore. After all, he has his pride. And we are no longer into a relationship, so why would he waste his time talking to me heart to heart if he knows he can't get something from me. I guess, that's really it. Period. End of story.

But I guess, I still want him to talk me. And prove me wrong. After all, I wanted to end this up in a mature manner. I need the closure that I deserve. And I want to part ways with him with respect and not with hatred. But should he fail me, I cannot do anything about him anymore. That was a choice he made for himself, not mine.