love, optimism, gratitude

For years, my image has been like this:
- insecure
- doubtful
- anxious
- melancholic
- easily depressed
- shy
- repressive

Until one day, perhaps after reading some self- help and inspirational books and attending some worship services, my life had this sudden turn-around. A question started to pop in: "What will become of myself if I become this way forever?"

Of course, it would not take long for me to answer the simple question. I simply could not wallow into loneliness and into the "bottomless pit of worthlessness." For if there is someone who should love myself, that's no other person but only me. If I want to feel loved and be loved in return, I should start feeling and giving it first, to myself, for it is true you cannot give what you do not have.

Indeed, change cannot happen overnight. There's no such thing as quick and instant overhauling. Even if our world is fast paced, that's still a myth. Change will happen gradually, and we should not force it to happen. Reflection and introspection should go hand-in-hand with it.

If we want to effect change in our lives, I have learned that we should start to change the way we think of our lives, of ourselves. As quoted, "You do not get what you deserve, but you get WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE." For many years, I dwelt in thinking so lowly of myself. I had very poor self-esteem, doubted my abilities, and potentialities. If not for people affirming the goodness in me, maybe I have long been lost. Sometimes, I even have to be slapped hard and be heart-broken to realize my worth, that I am precious, so I too, deserve the best.

Thus, there is a call for optimism. Life is unfair, true. We have to accept that we cannot have it all. Nonetheless, it should never hinder us to stretch our limits and to do what we think we can. If we allow doubts to cloud our vision, then we are like an airplane close to crushing down. Our mind and the way we think has a very strong impact in our lives. If you feel sad and hopeless, no matter how you feign happiness, it will show. Truth will find it's way out. But think happy thoughts and try to believe in yourself and in God's plan, then life will be stirred towards a better direction, to one that is purpose-driven and purposeful.

And at the end of the day, no matter how many travails and woes we have had, for all the innumerable times we whined and cried, there is one thing that we should not forget: gratitude. We should give thanks. More often than not, we have so many blessings which are left unnoticed and taken for granted because we focus on life's negatives. And so if life is sour for the meantime, relax and take a deep breathe, everything will be alright. Remember that God's Rejection is His way of Redirection. One day, we will realize that God did it for our own good, that of which we could not understand for the time being. So once again, be still, know that there is God, and focus on the goodness in life that surely abounds. The blessings are surely overflowing. I myself realized that God has blessed me indeed with intelligence, a humble-heart, a compassion for others, a caring disposition, a good support system coming from family, schoolmates, and friends. Though there are some things in my life which are not yet here, is that reason for me to fret? Again, instead of being overly sour and bitter, why not give thanks and start to be a blessing to others instead?

Time and again will prove that God created us wonderfully that we can do so much. We are capable of loving, thinking of good things in life and transforming them to actions, and by giving thanks for the blessings we can also be a blessing to others. Let your light shine, unleash your potentials. Even if life gives me lemons, I realized, it's a challenge for me to be strong, spread myself, and share my talents. It's all about me, all about what I can do. If I sit down sulking and embracing negative energies, my life will be shattered and close to perdition. Now that's a futile life surely. And I will never allow that to happen. The choice is mine, and I'll choose what's the best for me, because I know God created me for a purpose and my existence matters.

It took me a while to realize those things but certainly, God is never to late. Now that I have came across these insights, I face everyday with zest, vigor, and enthusiasm knowing that I can do so much and I can change my life from dull and repetitive to meaningful and resolute. My life is headed to a sure direction, I am bouncing God-ward. Nothing can hinder me. It sure is a challenge for nothing comes easy. I have to conquer my fears, assess myself, accept my defeats and weaknesses and work on them, and affirm and improve on my strengths. The next years of my life will surely be one transformative roller coaster ride. But I will take it slowly and surely, and should there be bumps along the way, I will not fear, for God is with me, ready to help me drive along and replace my flat tire. He will give me rest when I am tired of the ride. The road to happiness is indeed tough, but I will take the challenge from this day on, For it takes courage to effect change and to achieve that sense of fulfillment. There will be moments of doubts and restlessness, but with God, there will be no hindrances.

With this, I look forward to see the change within me: I will love, be optimistic, and be grateful. All things are possible, with God.

Amen.