proudly melancholic

Proud to be Melancholic

                I am a cry-baby.  I cry for the simplest, nonsensical, and most trivial reasons. When I watch a dramatic and heart-breaking movie, the tear jerker in me suddenly whoops in. When I read a sad novel, my tears well-up as if it’s a stream. I am an emotional creature. And that makes me exactly me, uniquely made that is.

                I think deeply. I am overly reflective. I dwell on the issues I hear around and see on the TV. I feel extremely aghast and overly concerned when people’s rights are trampled upon. I can easily sympathize and deal with other people’s sufferings and feelings. I am an understanding creature. And sometimes, that’s what makes others use me, to their advantage, sadly.

                Nonetheless, I am aware that my being a melancholic is not really bad after all. I may be deep and reflective, but my ability to listen and be sensitive enables me to be a good listener and to be  a person who can easily relate to anybody.  It’s not that you are an approval addict, it’s just that you know how to care and to simply sympathize, no matter who the person you are with. And I believe, not everyone can do that with ease. I guess, starting today, that is something that I should take pride of.

                Because I reflect and I am a self-confessed deep creature, I am having innumerable realizations and reflections about life from time to time. And because I am better off at expressing thoughts through writing than in communicating them, the pen is my sword and my constant companion. In fact, I can survive even with a book, paper/ notebook, and pen when I am left with nothing to do. Writing is my way of living and breathing, and if that be taken away from me, I wonder how I could ever exist.

                Countless times have proven that I write better and more deeply when I am facing my usual bouts of loneliness. But admittedly, I have to topple that feeling as I cannot wallow on sadness for a lifetime. The good things is, being melancholic enables me to be productive, that my seeming stillness and calmness allows me to express my feelings deep within.  I guess if I am by nature a loud-mouthed mammal, I will not be as good as expressing my feelings through writing. So I would stop dreading my silence, but rather embrace it, and look at it as a personality worthy to be celebrated.

                What I need to work on right now is on how to turn my weakness into strengths. But the fact that I am aware that my being melancholic can lead to oversentimentality and to be overly abused by others is already a good sign that I am aware of the good and bad in me. It is just a matter of time and willingness and for sure, with God’s help, I will be transformed, and eventually there will be a better and improved me.  But no matter what happens, I love who I am. And I am not ashamed that I am born this way. I just have to accept that I am created this way with a purpose. And that purpose I still have to discover each day.

                Now if I feel sad and affected by what I see, hear, and read next time, I will not be ashamed to show how I feel, because that’s me, and nothing can ever change that. I will constantly be a friend who is willing to lend a hand, but is always aware of her limitations. I will inspire others through writing, so that others may also be blessed. I will write how I feel and how I conquer my demons and negative feelings, so that others may learn from my experience. I will listen and be sensitive to others and to God’s message, that I may be able to give meaningful pieces of advice as well.

                From then on, I will live life purposefully because I know who I am and I know what I want to do and to be. I am no longer afraid and I am no longer ashamed. I am proud to be melancholic, because this is how God made me. And I know, I am fearfully an wonderfully made by my creator, and He can never be wrong.