are you ready to forgive?

*** A very timely article for me. :))

You've heard the saying: To err is human, to forgive is divine. While one may never truly forget a wrong, it's not exactly impossible to truly forgive.

Perhaps one of the reasons people have such a hard time forgiving is that they don't fully understand what "forgiveness" means. Forgiveness does not in any way mean you condone the other person's hurtful behavior.

The Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as: "a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge." In short, forgiveness is accepting that the hurt has happened, and you are no longer harboring any negative feelings over it—and in doing so, you are freeing yourself from harmful and upsetting thoughts, giving way to a more positive outlook in life.

Forgiveness means you no longer hold a grudge. Grudges are a one-way ticket to self-destruction: you are actually hurting yourself, not the one who offended you. By dwelling on the hurt, you are in a constant state of anger that can make you forget about the positive things in life. Holding a grudge means you are too focused on the wrong that happened, that you fail to notice what'shappening.

Living in the past is a horrible way to go on with life, as you fail to enjoy the present. I know a woman who has been holding a grudge against her already-dead husband for the past 15 years! She is so self-absorbed in her anger that while she was physically present when her grandchildren grew up, she hardly remembers their milestones or any moment of happiness with them.

How to Forgive

The first step is to consider the value of forgiveness to you. While you may think you're better off hating that person for what he or she has done to you, you'll only be holding a grudge: and you will in no way benefit from this. True forgiveness will help you have healthier relationships in the future, and will help lessen your anxiety and stress.

Next, reflect on the facts of the situation. What brought about the act? How did you react to it? Could you have acted differently? Try to be as objective as possible. This step may be too much to handle if you are still very emotional about the situation—and in no means is this step meant to make you dwell on the act. Just take a step back from what happened and look at the events from a stranger's point of view.

When you feel you are ready, actively choose to forgive. It's easy to say, "Okay, I forgive him," when deep down you still wish a piano would randomly fall on his head while he crosses the street. Try this exercise: look in the mirror, and say out loud, "While I am upset about what (insert name here) did, I am actively choosing to forgive him/her." Keep doing this and try your best to mean it. You will be surprised how, one day, you'll wake up, and feel exceptionally lighter.

Once you've forgiven, move away from the role of "victim." The person wronged you—but that doesn't mean you are helpless and in need of pity. Do not let this person's hurtful act hold you from being happy and enjoying life. Rise above the situation and show the world that you are a survivor!

And lastly, accept that forgiveness will not change the person, or cause reconciliation. Oftentimes, we forgive people, and believe that by doing so means they will change for the better, or that things will go back to the way they were. This is not always the case. Change must come from within oneself: you cannot do anything to change another person. Also, while some acts can be forgiven, it does not always mean reconciliation will follow. Some cases—like death or the refusal of one party to communicate—might prevent a reconciliation to happen. But that doesn't mean you can't still forgive. Remember, forgiveness is mostly for yourself, not for the other person.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." And he was right. Being hateful and harboring anger is easier than accepting the imperfections this world has to offer. It takes guts to, as Oprah Winfrey said: "give yourself permission to release from your past—and step forward with the mud of resentment cleared from your wings...."

From: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/blogs/love-and-life/ready-forgive-040454560.html