am i ready to forgive?

Am I really ready to forgive?

I am giving it a big "YES." But I am often left to wonder, will forgiving the person means I will feel the hurt less? Will it totally mean I decided to let it all go. And whenever I remembered him,will there be no tinge of bitterness or regret at all?

Why is it that even if I decided to grant him the forgiveness, which I said he deserved, I can still feel the pain whenever I remembered how he made me feel taken for granted or unwanted? Does that mean I'm not over him yet?

If you chose to forgive, does that mean totally putting yesterday behind, moving on anew, starting life afresh, and literally disregarding all the pang inflicted by the person whom you grant forgiveness?

I decided to forgive him  because it is for the best of our interests. It's not just for him, but also for me. Holding grudges toward that person will just make me embittered, so what good will that do to my life? Thus, I decided not to waste time on harboring bitterness and ill-feelings toward him, even if from time to time, I can still feel the pain.

Granting forgiveness may take time, but we have to give ourselves the peace we deserve, too. If we hold on to something which is useless already, we are blocking or keeping away the good things life has to offer. I realized then that even if you take the initiative to forgive, it does not mean the excruciating pain brought about by the past will vanish in an instant. Healing will take place, but it also takes time. There's no need to rush though, for doing so will hinder you from learning the lessons necessary while you are currently on the process of healing and letting it all go. If you force yourself to let it go, then it is not forgiving, but simply forgetting. Forgiving allows you to see things in a good perspective, while forgetting loses the lesson. We have to go through everything: the pain, the hurt, and the agony, if that is the only way to learn.

Forgiveness is also sign of maturity and strength of character. Not everyone can do it with ease. When you decided to do so, it suggests you have the ability to be self-less, that no matter how the person made you feel, you can still look at him in a humane way. Imagine how difficult it is to go through that process of forgiving the person who wronged you. Terrible and nightmarish that is. But the fact that you endured no matter how throbbing it can be means that you have fortitude. And for that, whatever storms may come in your life you can face with courage and might because you are also able to topple the forces of hatred and anger within you, the moment you chose to forgive.

YES. I have forgiven the person who wronged me. I do not hate him for what he did to me. At times the hurt  is still there whenever I remembered how I was "neglected." There would be moments when I feel annoyed when I look back at how insensitive he can be, acting as if nothing happened, and saying sorry for all the pain even if he never really talked to me in person about it, even if he said he will, for a couple of times. My heart still bleeds, honestly. But no matter what happened, a part of me says I have to be strong, and do not let this trial bring me down. This is just a test to my character, and after this, I am wiser. :)

To forgive is to love the person all the more. And maybe I forgave him for everything he has done because I once loved him, too. That I would not deny. No matter how terrifying it may be, I chose to do it out of love and respect for him. And even if in forgiving we can never expect to be fully reconciled with the person, nor to transform or change him, at least we did our part. How the person will react to that is his/her choice. As it is, you did your best in granting forgiveness, and the next step is to move on, with a happy heart. 

Life is never easy. But we have the power in our hands to make things less difficult for us. If you choose to be embittered, then welcome the pain and the sadness forever. If you choose to forgive, deal with the pain and agony today, but welcome a better tomorrow, soon. Remember, this too shall pass. It's not always a rainy day. The sun will soon shine on us, too. Who knows, tomorrow, when you meet the same person who wronged you, you will no longer look at him as that selfish brute who did nothing good in your life, but as someone who taught you valuable life's lessons, hence making you the wiser and stronger person that you are right now. 

**** For Cris. M.