freedom

I won’t run after you.

Nor will I chase you.

Neither will I entertain a spark of hope.

Because I have learned to love myself,

And in loving yourself you learned to establish limits.

You know what boundaries are not worth crossing,

And what actions are not worth taking.

I’m tired of making a fool out of myself,

Never want to be labelled a dim-witted.

I learned to internalize the word respect

And started to give it as a gift to myself.

I let go of the fear and tried to apologize,

But I barely know if you even empathized.

I’m tired of playing games

I don’t want to do some guess works.

Because I just don’t deserve it.

So even if someday you might change

Or realize what you let go.

I’ll rather choose to love myself more than you

And I’ll be free from the bounds of false expectations

From loving someone who can never love me in return.

The friendship never dies.

I wonder where they are, how they are doing, what they are up to, why the communication is not as frequent as it used to be. Friendship, is like a fire that slowly dies. Soon to be extinguished? I hope not. As time goes by, as we grow older, we get to discover ourselves, who we are, what we want to become, whom we want to be with. We wonder what became of the friends we used to hang-out till late nights, till we ran out of stories, till we get groggy, sleepy, and out of wits. I wonder if they even bother think of me. Because, I honestly do think of them, too, most of the time.

As cliche as it may sound, friends (and not only romantic love) make the world go round and round, sometimes even  to greater heights. There's a different euphoria when you are with friends. It' s good to be people you are comfortable with. You can show your true colors, and they will not really bother if you are not well-dressed of fully made up. They wouldn't care if you look pale or ill, though they would call your attention if you're slowly gaining those pounds. I'm yearning for those times, again. I miss the warmth of friendship, being surrounded by laughter, silliness, craziness, and even teasing, at times. I miss the noise and the wrecklessness of it all. And I wonder, can we make those get-together, as frequent as we can?

I am not in control of their time, neither of their lives. I know they are all happy and fulfilled wherever they are right now. Perhaps they found the love of their life, or they are on the family-way, or they successfully climbed their way to the corporate ladder, or they have found a new set of friends. But as for me, I am a friend who never forgets. And if time permits, I know, I will be spending my time with them, again.

And it is true,  friendship is not hindered by the distance nor time. It is something that will never ever die. And when you all meet again, the memories will just come back in an instant, like a gushing of a tide. The hours will run fast, but it wouldn't matter at all. For that short time with them will be enough- to rekindle the flame of friendship, to make you believe that friendship is always there to stay. And no matter how far or near they are, you know they live in your hearts, forever.

*** I miss you my friends. Despite our busy lives, I promise, for you, I will make and find time.

I love you.

Sincerely,

Ellen :)

Love when you're ready :)

Although I have fallen in love several times in my life, I have really only been in love once. Doesn’t seem to add up, does it? Well, I have only fallen in love one time, at a point in my life when I wasn’t especially lonely. It was when I was much younger and when, to be honest, I was doing just fine without a female companion to share my life with. That was the first time I truly fell in love – and now that I think about it, the last.

This happens to all of us who have had no choice but to give up on a first love. It’s a sad truth: Once you’ve fallen in love deeply, you yearn for that love; you wish to find it again. You become lonely. You begin to fantasize and create a reality that doesn’t actually exist. Then you fall in love with someone unworthy of it.

That first time you fell in love can’t entirely be described in words. It’s as if the emotions, the state of your being and your state of mind became a different entity entirely. You go from being you, to being this other person — this person who needs this other person to survive. It’s as if you were just introduced to an organ that you rely on for life, which you never before even realized existed.

“Soul mate” is an understatement; it’s as if you have found a part of your soul that you didn’t know you had. It’s all incredibly overwhelming, to say the least. It is by far the most amazing, most intoxicating, most horrible and excruciating feeling in the world. And the second we get that first taste of it, we become addicts for life.

Unfortunately, as most stories go, we are forced into a withdrawal. I would like to say that more often than not it’s our own fault, but it’s never actually that simple. It’s you. It’s him or her. It’s the timing. It’s the situation. It’s the mistakes you made. It’s the mistakes you weren’t willing to risk. The stars didn’t align at the right moment in place and time, and hence, the two of your hearts cracked — metaphorically, of course. Physically cracking you’d expect would be swifter and less painful.

So you go on living your life the best you can, never truly forgetting about that taste, that incredible aroma that filled your soul. We never forget those perfect moments we lived with the person we loved. Then we spend the rest of our lives looking for our next fix.

Loneliness is a strong motivator. It moves us to make — I’m sorry to say — some very, very poor decisions. I can tell you right now that I am very likely to make yet another poor decision in a few hours, in the hopes of maybe, just maybe getting lucky enough to meet someone who I’ll not regret seeing when I wake up in the morning. Although we may love every single other aspect of our lives, being human makes us need the companionship of other people. And if we were lucky or unlucky enough to get a taste of real love, we’re going to search for that next fix until we find it.

Which is how we fall in love without ever actually being in love. “Falling into infatuation” would be more fitting terminology, but not quite as poetic. We meet someone who is great, beautiful, fun, interesting enough. And thanks to our brains being able to imagine grandeur and provoke emotional responses, we can take that previous feeling of love and warp it to fit the new mold.

The funny thing is, we actually believe we are in love. We think about the person throughout the day with intense positive feelings. We imagine ourselves with this person for the long run. We feel a need to see him or her and to spend time together. Yet, more likely than not, we eventually realize we aren’t compatible; loneliness had us raise our hopes up very high.

Things only get trickier as you go through these episodes of loving and mock-loving. After a few runs, you begin to question each new relationship and begin to anticipate the falling out. Then, the question is, would it have worked had your mind been in the right place, or were you really not compatible to begin with? Are your standards unrealistic? Or are you actually selling yourself short and settling?

The truth is, you won’t know until you find the next person you truly fall in love with. At that moment, your perspective comes into focus and you clearly see that most, if not all, of your previous loves weren’t actually loves. Until that point, you are likely to try to revert and reach out to past failed lovers in hopes that you can rekindle the flame.

So, do you hold yourself back from loving until you’re sure it’s real? No. If it ends up being real, then you’ve made it. If not, then you surely had a good time for a good stretch, and because you now know you weren’t in love, moving on will be easy. Live and love as much as you can. Those will be the stories you tell when you’re old and wrinkled.

Reposted from: Elite Daily

Starting over again: because sometimes there are no second chances

"Starting Over Again", a film by Olivia Lamasan, starring Piolo Pascual, Toni Gonzaga, and Iza Calsado has been the talk of the town lately, much to the good reviews coming from its viewers. Not your typical romantic-comedy movie, it talks about almost "having a second chance at love," but people do change overtime, so it is better off to start off with what's right, and what's best for the situation, after having moved on for sometime; hence, the title. Indeed, the movie gave a new twist for the usual Filipino love stories, as most audiences love a "happy ending." Though not necessarily the "happy ending" we wish it will be, I believe "Starting Over Again" portrayed a closer picture of the reality and even pains of love, that most audiences can relate with.

The underlying theme of the movie is "Not everyone has a second chance at love, so learn to value the person you love before its too late." Second chances seem beautiful, but in reality, not everyone has the chance of getting one, because everyone changes, learn, move on, and learn to love once again (this time with another person). While it seems magical to rekindle the past and to ignite the love and the fire that two people used to have, it may not necessarily be the best, for the time apart allowed either of the two to grow and to move on. As painful as it may sound, "Starting Over Again" made us realize the importance of knowing when to hold on and to let go. For Ginny, Marco's letter written four years ago, made her cling on to "hope," which her friend called as a "lethal potion." What may be true four years ago, may not hold true anymore in the present time, and Ginny, a fool out of love, failed to realize that. She hold on to that letter sent four years ago, making herself believe that Marco would wait for her. She did not realize that people have the ability to change, and time is the greatest healer of all pains and wounds, much as the greatest element which will make us forget and move on. Ginny is a representation of how we can be made fools out of love- that no matter how accomplished one is, we can make stupid and idiotic actions and choices, sometimes, out of desperation, or because of a love that we selfishly wanted to have. We laughed at the movie, but in reality, Ginny's character is just as pathetic, and sometimes can be annoying. How can a girl like her throw all her "decency" and "wits" just for a man who is now committed and clearly in love with his current girlfriend? But we all know the answer to that. She is simply "madly in love," and that gives her ample reasons to justify even her stupid actions.

The ending of a movie gave us a refreshing twist and an insightful and sound reason for two old flames to meet the second time around. Clearly, the time to meet again may not be the time to rekindle the love, but to answer all lingering questions; thereby allowing them to move on, to have a closure, and to give love wholeheartedly for the person who rightfully deserves us. It may be hard to accept and to let go of your greatest love, but sometimes, we just have to be strong. As Marco tells Ginny "You will be okay." And Marco, is a living proof that no matter how heartbroken we might be, we will pick up the pieces, move on, and even find someone new, when the time is right. In fact, Marco found the right one in the character of Patty- a beautiful picture of how true love should be. "Our love may be boring, but it's real, with the right amount of love, trust, respect, and a little allowance for mistakes. I love him and in love there is no fear." Despite Marco's mistakes and his painful past, Patty accepted him wholeheartedly, and she remained calm and composed despite having been wronged by his boyfriend. At the end, we clearly know that it is Patty who deserves Marco, after all, for she was able to internalize the true meaning of love, "love is patient, love is kind... it is not self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs."

We all have that one great love that we can never forget, perhaps. At times, we wonder if we can ever forget them. But the movie clearly sends the message that sometimes, "we can never unlove someone, we just love them in a different way." We gave a part of ourselves to that someone, and we will always have that love, though not as strong as it used to be before. Though we never ended up with them, everything happens for a reason. As Marco puts it, Ginny made him to be a better version of himself. Hence, even if theirs was not a happy ending, they had a good closure,and most importantly, forgiveness. We may never end up with our one great love, much to our wonder, but there's a reason why, and only time can tell. But the key as the movie puts it, is to allow time to heal all wounds, accept and learn to let go, move on and learn to love again, and always be ready to forgive. :)

I know I’ll meet you, someday J

In the process of finding you, I broke my heart several times. I realized it was not that easy. I stumbled and got bruised and it hurt me so much. I thought wounds will never heal at all. Actually, the wounds are still bleeding right now. But I choose to simply bear them, because I know enduring it will make me stronger. Perhaps I got heartbroken because those who I met were not just meant for me, yet. As cliché as it may sound, the best is yet to come. I’d like to believe that’s you.

I never know if I already met you. I could have happened to bump into you before. Maybe we have been introduced to each other but the sparks were not yet there. Or maybe I happened to tread on the very same path where you always walk. I’ll never know, until I meet you, in the near future.

Nothing is certain, and when we will meet each other, is still a big mystery. But with all honesty, the mystery of it all excites me. I wonder how you look like. I yearn to know what interests or excites you. I want to know your life story- how your childhood and family was like, who was your first crush, how you were at school. I just want to listen to your stories while I stare at you and we snuggle together. I look forward to all our times together with intense anticipation. However, the time may not be now. Not yet.

I know and acknowledge that I am not perfect. There are still a lot I have to work on. And whilst I’m not meeting you yet, I want to use the time wisely because I know it is an opportunity for me to grow in character and get to know myself better. I’d like to meet you when I am most ready- when I know what I want,  learn to love myself, and work on my weaknesses. Right now, I can’t fully say I’m the right woman for you. I may do something which will hurt you, in one way or another.  Someday, I know I will be the right woman for you, and when that day comes, there’s no backing out. It will be the best love story, which happened in God’s perfect time.

I’m walking in faith and trusting in God’s Providence. When all else goes awry, we will realize that we can always put our hope in God. Things did fall apart because things are being slowly put in place. Life is a constant work in progress, and I believe that even if things go wrong, it goes better, anyway. All we need to have is a heart that fervently believes, keeps the faith with love burning intensely. I pray that we will both be strong to endure our heartaches, and get healed in time. So that one day, when we meet, we know we are more than ready to love, again.

I promise not to give up on meeting or finding you. It may be a long and tedious waiting for all we know. We might feel, sometimes, that the waiting seems to be in vain, that we may be waiting for nothing at all. But my heart tells me to trust. A voice inside me tells me to believe, and hope, and just open my heart for that someone out there. When that day comes, we will not experience that pain caused by  heartaches, for we are definite that we already met the one we’d like to spend our forever with.

I will wait for you, for that day, for our love story. Right now, I will learn, grow, soar high, and simply become the best that I can be. I hope you will do the same, too. I pray that you’re excited to meet you, too. And that one day in our future will be the happiest of all, because we know we both waited, and what we have been praying for so long, is already answered.

Your future girlfriend and wife,

Ellen Marie

Dear Future Lover Of Mine, I Hope I Don’t Meet You Anytime Soon

Dear You,

I don’t know your name. I don’t know who you are or where you are or when we will ever meet. I don’t know whether or not you are already in my life somewhere. I don’t even know if you exist in this lifetime. I’d like to believe you’re walking this earth someplace, but sometimes I’m not sure if I even believe in the idea of fate and romance anymore. Maybe you can save me from myself.

If you are in this lifetime and on this planet though, I hope I don’t meet you anytime soon. I have a lot to learn and I will probably hurt you, because I don’t know yet that you are the one who will make me happy.

I’ve been through a lot. But while I wish you could have been there with me, I know you will be proud of me because of how strong I turned out to be and all the things I made it through without you. See, I had to be alone for a while so I’d know what I’m capable of. And so I’d appreciate having someone like you more.

I like being single right now because all my time is mine. I need to be single for a while so I will not regret not having this kind of freedom in the future. When I’m yours, I’ll be completely yours because I had this time to be mine.

But sometimes I miss being in love. There are days when I wish you can get here faster just so I can have the kind of love that I’ve been waiting for since what feels like forever. But I guess it’s better that you’re not here yet because I don’t know how to be with you right now. I’ll probably say a lot of really stupid things and scare you away.

You won’t just the love of my life, you will also be my best friend in the world. I’d always thought of all my old loves as best friends at the time, but I don’t think I ever really knew what that meant. I love that I will be able to tell you anything and everything and know that you will be the one person in the world who understands.

We won’t always get along and we will more-than-possibly get into some really ugly fights, but I know that in the end, we can make it through because nothing is more important than learning and growing together.

We are probably different people with diverse interests, and that’s a good thing. We will make time for what is important to the other because we like making each other happy. Of course, there will be things that we enjoy doing together. We will spend some days curled up with a blanket and books or popcorn and a good movie. Braveheart will always be a favorite between us, and reruns of FRIENDS will take up some of our lazy Sundays. But we will spend most of our time going around the world together, seeing places we’ve only once dreamed of traveling to.

We both love to talk and laugh, and we will spend a lot of our time getting to know each other. Even when we’ve been together 20 years, we will always find something new about the other or reminisce about the people we once had to be to get there. And while I will probably roll my eyes at your jokes, I will also smile just because it’s so cute how you tried to tell the punch line.

You’ve probably loved a girl (or more) before me, and that’s okay. I’m sorry though if you’ve gotten hurt and I wasn’t there to make you feel better. I’ve been in love before you, too, and I’ve also gotten my heart broken and feel like nobody could really understand. It will take a long time before I can let anyone else in again, and maybe you feel the same way. It will be better to find each other after going through all that, just so we will both know how to not take being in love for granted.

We’ve both become better people separately, something I will always be thankful for. And because of all the pain we have to go through before we meet, we will both realize then that we deserve that happiness and we deserve each other.

I don’t know what you look like but I know you have kind eyes and a genuine smile. I don’t know what you do for a living but I know that you will have time for me. I don’t know you, but I know that you can give me hug when I’m down, hold my hand for no reason and kiss me just because you love me.

There’s a possibility though, that you don’t exist, and I’m writing this letter for no one. But in spite of all the cynicism I’m entitled to, I have to believe that you’re out there somewhere. I have to believe that all the heartache I’d ever had to endure will someday lead me to you. I have to believe that God created you because He knew I would need you. And while I know I’m a complete person on my own, I have to believe that someone like you exists, someone who might not complete me, but can make life better. More beautiful. More colorful. A man who can make me believe in love again.

I don’t know who you are or if I’ll ever find you, but I wish with all my heart that you’re out there, waiting, just like I am.

I know that someday I will find you. In this lifetime, or the next, I will find you.

Yours (someday),
Me 

Credits: Written by Katrina Tomondong 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/katrina-tamondong/2014/02/dear-future-lover-of-mine-i-hope-i-dont-meet-you-anytime-soon/

how to mend a broken heart

*This article was reposted from Yahoo, dated Feb. 12, 2014

Whether you're a guy or girl, mending a broken heart is never easy to do.

Experts say that it can take anywhere from 6 months to 8 years for you to get over the heartache from a breakup.

In fact, many clients of mine talk about their heartaches as if it was just a recent event, even if it happened many years or decades ago.

The hell of dark emotions

Being brokenhearted is like plunging into a hell of deep dark emotions.

You’ll experience cyclical waves of emptiness, disbelief, disillusionment, devastation, grief, guilt, loneliness, depression, bitterness, rage and confusion.

However, with the passage of time, the heavy emotions should slowly subside.

Strategies for emotional healing

In my many years of counseling one brokenhearted person after another, I've learned from them some strategies that speed up the process of emotional healing:

1. First of all, accept that it’s all over! 
Like your own failed relationship, some relationships aren't meant to last. Accept the fact that your ex came into your life just for a reason and for a season. But for a lifetime? Nah!

2. Grieve and don’t resurrect a dead relationship. 
Not only have your plans and dreams as a couple ended, but a big chunk of your inner being has died too. Grieving is the heart-wrenching process of putting closure to another chapter in your life.

3. Kill the hope! 
As long as you keep alive a tiny spark of hope for reconciliation, you are NOT going to move on! As long as you still harbor the fantasy or wish of getting back together, the emotional roller coaster ride is going to continue.

4. Give up plans of revenge, and put your "evil" side to rest. 
If you take revenge, you'll just be giving your ex more reasons to validate the breakup. You'll come out as the bad guy and you'll certainly regret your wicked deeds later on. Furthermore, if you take revenge, this only means one thing: that you still haven't accepted the fact that IT'S ALL OVER!

5. No relationships on the rebound, please. 
If you jump into a relationship right after your breakup, it'll mean one of four things:

• You're doing it as a desperate attempt to make your ex jealous.
• You're doing it as an attempt to escape from your loneliness.
• You're doing it to make your ex think that you’re coping well.
• You're doing it as a premature attempt to move on.

Truth is, you only make matters worse by entering into a rebound relationship. Finish your grieving process first and be a whole and happy person again before embarking on a new relationship.

6. Get emotional support from family and friends.
Your breakup may have made you feel emotionally bankrupt. Since you’re driving on empty, start guzzling down the warmth and care of people who love you. Don't stay isolated. Even if you don't feel like socializing, allow your family and friends to distract you temporarily from your heartache.

7. Distract yourself with activities.
When you're tired from wallowing in sadness, distract yourself by watching TV, listening to upbeat music, learning a new sport or craft, pampering yourself with massages and so on and so forth. Remember: any distraction is better than none.

8. Stop stalking and spying on your ex’s Facebook and Twitter accounts .
Every new detail you learn about your ex is only going to mess up your mind!

9. Develop a spiritual perspective.
Spirituality teaches you the great lesson that you cannot permanently hold on to anything and anyone in this life. For some circumstances in our life, the appropriate thing to do is to simply “let go and let God."

10. Get professional help if you start hurting yourself (by self-cutting or alcohol/drug abuse), become suicidal or feel that your mood is worsening.
You may be suffering from major depression which can prevent you from moving on.

It’s true: time heals (most) wounds

Recovering from a breakup is a deathly slow but natural process.

Have faith in knowing that “time heals all wounds" (or, at least, most wounds).

And when your inner wisdom senses that you've recovered enough to move on, you’ll naturally gain the strength to crawl out of your dark emotional pit and start living life all over again.

Dr. Randy Dellosa, popularly known as the "celebrity shrink," is a life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, physician, osteopath, clinical massage therapist, acupuncturist, qigong teacher and energy healer. To contact Doc Randy, visitrandydellosa.com.

the truth about falling in love

This article was based from the February 11 talk "Samson and Delilah," part of "It's not that Complicated" series, at the Victory Christian fellowship, Makati.

***********

For a long time, a lot of us have been captivated and even blinded with the ideals of “falling in love.” This term; however, actually pertains to “a love that ends badly.” Why is falling in love so complicated then? When we based love on emotions, it will most likely fall apart. Love should be based on will and decision, and those are what make the romantic love to flow. It is not just something that you “fall into.”

Being in love with someone often involves being an uncontrollable tailspin. Love; however, should be a conscious decision one should make. Most of the time, too, people seek love when they are alone or lonely, which leads to trouble. We come near the cliff, even if it poses danger and destruction, thereby complicating the situation. Like the story of Samson and Delilah, most of us can be destroyed with “falling in love” which happens at the wrong place, with the wrong practice of emotions, and with the wrong person. It takes a “Delilah” to empower one with such desire to jump off the cliff when we could have stayed away from the edge. It is not uncommon when some people are pushed by someone to cross that line. And sadly, “I love You,” as beautiful as it sounds, can be used to lure and compromise one’s standard. In the end, this love becomes difficult and even destroys people, which should not be the case, because that is not true love if it brings misery and downfall.

Love would not be complicated when we stick to God’s standards. Many of us want to find the right one, when in fact, we are still the wrong one. Being alone heightens that feeling of yearning to “fall in love” immediately, but by being surrounded by good people, that feeling will be toppled. The cliff might be beckoning us to take a fall, but stronger should be our desire to remain with God. Let us not step out of God’s love story for us just to create our own love story. Don’t harden your heart, for as long as you follow God, it’s not going to be complicated. God has a love story for each of us, one that is not complicated, if you just stay with the love story God has in store, especially for you. J

an insightful read. hmmmm

Why Nice Guys and Gals Finish Last in Love

Why being nice doesn't lead to love.

I received a lot of good feedback on my last article discussing How I Learned to Have a Satisfying Relationship. The messages of taking personal responsibility to become a valuable mate, learning to make others trade fairly, and finding internal validation, all seemed to make a connection with readers. However, I had a few readers who still had some questions.
Some of the questions came from a group of people I call Nice Guys and Gals. These people do everything for others. They do everything they believe they are "supposed" to do for their lovers. Yet, time and time again, their partners abandon them, overlook them, mistreat them, and generally fail to love them back.
Nice guys and gals are completely confused by these outcomes. They cannot understand how they can, at least theoretically, do everything right—yet have the situation turn out so wrong. They cannot understand why their good behavior doesn't lead to love and respect. After all, we're all "told" that is how it is supposed to work. Bring someone flowers or cook them dinner and they love you forever... Not quite!

Related Articles

• Nicessism: Narcissism with a "not nice" defense.
• Do Nice Guys Finish Last? Four Rules For Terminally Nice People
• Do Nice Guys (and Gals) Finish First or Last?
• The Relationship Triangle
• Tips for Freshmen Guys in Making Friends Part II

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

Find Local:

• Acupuncturists
• Chiropractors
• Massage Therapists
• Dentists
• and more!

Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I was a nice guy. Heck, I think I was THE nice guy. I was that clueless guy, doing everything I was told to do by society and romantic comedies, and it was not working. I gave lovers everything and got no gratitude for it. I did the "good" boyfriend and husband thing...and it all fell apart. I learned firsthand that such nice behavior didn't work.
But, I eventually found the answers!

Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and Nice Gals Too)!

The first step to seeing this clearly is to temporarily put aside any frustration and bitterness. If you are reading this, you probably have a story of your own to tell. You may have been treated badly. You might have been picked over for someone who seemed clearly inferior to you. Why would "your guy" go for that high-maintenance, promiscuous woman? Why would "your gal" dump you for that unemployed felon?
Well, there is a reason. Your partner (or their gender) is not stupid. The world has not turned upside down. There are simple influence principles at work here. These principles make the "inferior people" look valuable and you not-so-much. Let us take a look at them further and see why nice people finish last...

1) Nice People Do Not Make Their Partners Invest

When we do nice things for others, we invest in them and the relationship. Those investments of time, effort, and money tend to build up over time. Those investments also make us feel that our date or mate is valuable, that we love them, and we are committed to that relationship. This is called the principle of "sunk costs". Doing favors for others and treating them well, leads us to value and love them.
However, the reverse is not true. The receiver of good treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened, or just generally ungrateful. Love cannot be bought or earned.
Given that, whoever is doing the favors will fall in love. But, whoever is receiving the favors probably will not fall in love. The person that invests feels love. The person receiving the investment may not feel anything. Get the picture?
Nice folks are on the losing end of this deal. They do all of the "doing". They are the ones waiting on their partner, doing good deeds, buying gifts, paying for meals, etc. As a result, they have a lot of love (sunk costs) for their date or mate. But, their partner has not invested. They have not given a thing. So, they are not at all in love or committed.
Contrast this with the demanding bad boy or diva... They are always making demands and requests of a partner. They require being pampered, waited on, and appeased. They make their partners INVEST. So, their partners have a ton of sunk costs. Thus, their partners fall in love with them and feel committed.
Moral of the story—don't be "nice" and do everything. Make your partner invest in you and the relationship too. Remember, when they DO FOR YOU, is when they fall in love. If they refuse to invest in the relationship, however, then they may never love you back.
For more see:

• Make Them Love You By Taking (Not Giving)

2) Nice People Reward Bad Behavior

People learn from the consequences of their behavior. When they perform a behavior and are rewarded, they tend to do the same thing again. In contrast, when they perform a behavior and are punished, they tend to shy away from that behavior in the future. Pretty simple...
Well, nice people tend to treat their dates and mates very well. All the time. EVEN, when they don't deserve it. No matter how a partner is treating them, the nice person will continue to treat them well.
The nice person often "thinks" that such good treatment will one day be recognized. That it will snap the partner out of their bad behavior. Turn the other cheek and all that. But, they fail to recognize what they are TEACHING their partner by treating them well under all conditions.
In essence, by being nice all the time, they are rewarding their partner for bad behavior. If you cook him dinner on the nights he disrespects you, then you have rewarded and encouraged that behavior to continue. If you take her out on the nights she is grumpy and nagging, you have ensured that she will do it again.
Not-so-nice people have better boundaries. They only reward partners when they earn those rewards. They also ignore partners when they are disrespectful or bad. This teaches dates or mates what they will and will not tolerate. It lets them know what is expected of them.
As a result, nice people get walked all over. By being nice all the time, they actually encourage others to treat them badly. They reward those who mistreat them and make the behavior more likely in the future. If they were selective in their rewards—and occasionally withholding—they would receive better treatment in return. They would also be more respected by others.
For more see:

• Rewarding Good Behavior: How to Give Your Partner a Cookie
• Stopping a Partner's Bad Behavior

3) Nice People Are Too Available

We all have mental shortcuts that help in our decision-making. One of these shortcuts is the rule of scarcity. Generally, we believe whatever is scarce, or requires work to obtain, is valuable. Whatever is easy to get, or common, is probably cheap. While this is not always true, it is true enough of the time that it becomes a common, unconscious assumption. It is applied to everything...even people.
Unfortunately for nice people, they are anything but scarce. They are eager to please. They are always agreeable to dropping their life and rushing over to their date or mate. They make time, dote, acquiesce, and try to be as convenient and easy as possible.
Their hope is that this behavior will lead to gratitude and respect. By making themselves available to a partner and removing inconveniences, they hope to make love easier. Instead, however, they come off as needy, get taken for granted, and become overlooked. In other words, they are the opposite of scarce and hard to earn. So, all of the available behavior actually makes them seem low value and worthless.
The bad boy or diva, in contrast, is always "hard to get". They are never available, always cancelling plans, and make lovers do things their way. They do nothing but neglect and inconvenience their lovers. Yet, their lovers find them alluring, tempting, and attractive (much to the confusion of "nice" folks).
Nevertheless, the bad boys and divas are scarce. That scarcity makes them SEEM valuable. Their unavailability and breaking plans makes them look confident and important. Making others work to earn their time gives the illusion that their time is valuable. Having to drop everything to steal a moment with them makes others appreciate the time they are "given". It is the illusion of scarcity.
Given that, nice people would do well to inconvenience their lovers once in a while. They would benefit from being scarce. They would look a little more valuable if they didn't drop everything to be at their lover's beck-and-call. If they were a little harder to get, their lovers would find them more enticing.
For more see:

• Does Playing Hard to Get Make You Fall in Love?

Conclusion

Again, your ex (or their entire gender) is not crazy. But, their psychological dynamics do cause them to process things differently than a nice person might hope. As a result of a few mental shortcuts getting crossed, winners look like losers and losers look like winners.
Does that mean you have to be a jerk or diva to find love? No. But, it does mean that you need to be selective with your time, attention, and niceness. It means you cannot be eager to please, needy, overly-available, or endlessly nice. To create a loving, respectful, and appreciative relationship, you have to know the rules of the game...and play by them.
So, learn from the jerks and divas—but don't emulate them completely. Simply get your partners to invest in you back, as you invest in them. Further, only reward them when they deserve it and ignore them when they don't. Also, make them accommodate you too and don't let your life revolve around them. This will show them that you are a valuable and attractive person with some self-respect. Then, you can still be a decent person and find love...without being so nice others walk all over you.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I really think that this songs reflect my current state in life. Thank you Kelly Clarkson! :)
I will be stronger! I can! :)

************

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

[2x]
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

(When I'm alone)

Worth it by Sam Tsui

Well, my friend, once again it all comes to this
Holding on for too long to something falling through our fingertips
And it gets harder and harder to bear when we're not even sure
We're not sure
If there's anything, anything left that's worth this fighting for

And it breaks my heart, how we're breaking down, oh
But if there's something left, then don't give up
On me now

'Cause if we find a single diamond in the rough
Then it's worth it
Through a thousand tears if there's one drop of love
Then it's worth it
Let me feel what I've got to feel
For a glimpse of something real
I don't care how much it hurts
It is worth it, it's worth it

Once again we are standing at the hardest part
Tripping over each other and trying to stumble
Through the dark
And it's harder and harder to see if it's all a mistake
I know we said "let's be naive"
But now we're open-eyed and wide awake

But I'm holding out that there's hope alive
'Cause if there once was love, then maybe something survived

'Cause if we find a single diamond in the rough
Then it's worth it
Through a thousand tears if there's one drop of love
Then it's worth it
Let me feel what I've got to feel
For a glimpse of something real
I don't care how much it hurts
It is worth it, it's worth it

Ooh, don't walk away to soon
Ooh, there's still something left to lose
Ooh, I'm holding on to you
Hold me too

'Cause if we find a single diamond in the rough
Then it's worth it
Through a thousand tears if there's one drop of love
Then it's worth it
Let me feel what I've got to feel
For a glimpse of something real
I don't care how much it hurts
I swear it's worth it, it's worth it
I don't care how much it hurts, it is worth it

Oh, it's worth it