stronger than yesterday

My heart is afraid. I’m overwhelmed by the fear. I know in my heart I’ve found my home in you. But Love, can never be forced. When our time never matches, and you seem so aloof and indifferent, where am I supposed to go? How do I let it all go when I know, I’ve hold onto you for quite long? Blame it all on me I guess, at the very onset, I know I should’ve forget the feeling.

                It’s sickening that my heart is uneasy but you seem not to even bother. Here I am, almost paralyzed with thoughts of you. Maybe I am trying to salvage everything by embracing good thoughts. I’m waiting for the signs, but the signs are not yet there for me to interpret. If the absence of a sign is likewise a sign, then I guess this is it.

                I have to face the pain and welcome the feeling of frustration and possibly devastation. But as they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I guess after this, I will be made whole and better, because I know I did my best and I will never ever have to depend on you for my completeness and happiness again. And maybe it is just not really meant to be. That after all what I’ve been through, it’s just a test of my character, to learn to let go of what I value the most, and by doing so, I can face the toughest of all odds.

                Rough winds may shake but never break me. Though, Yes I am afraid. Losing you, is like death in itself. It is too hypocrite of me not to admit that I am still groping and trying to find a way. But with your silence hovering, it leaves me hanging, wandering, and wondering. Did I ever matter to you? If I tried to let it all loose, will you let go of me, or will you fight for me too?

                The road to happiness seems too narrow for me. I am embracing the pain and taking it one step at a time. A love that’s meant for me will find its way, even if I avoid it. And though losing him means letting go of a good friend, I have to give it to myself too, I deserve to be happy, and with him leaving me like this, I don’t know if I still mean something to him.

                I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I can only do so much. And when you think you’ve done your best and it maybe not enough, or too much, the only thing left for you to do, is give up. Accepting that that person may never be meant for you is excruciating, but hanging on when it is a strike to the moon is even more unbearable. I just hope it is never too late for me.

                We all become fools out of love, in one way or another. But there’s just an end for everything, no matter how silent suffering a martyr that person is. And if he lets go of me, I would like to say and claim, it’s his lost, not mine.