* I happened to find this blog from my close friend's site. And yes, I can very very much relate with it. I am still even thinking if the girl is me. Hohohoh
This is from He Says, She Says, He Say, a column in Manila Bulletin written by Chico, Delamar, and Gino.
‘No one says I’ll love you when I’m ready’
15 May 2013
DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO… My friend Lena has been in love with her high school friend for over three years now. I can say that they are close, they watch movies together, eat out, and go on trips with the entire group. I have been urging her to confess her secret love to him because I think there is something between them. Also, I know that he is the reason why she cannot like somebody else even if she has other suitors.
When Lena finally got the courage to tell him she likes him, he replied with “You are my ideal wife, but now, I still think like a teenager, I am not ready to be with you.“ What do you think this means? She always comes to me for advice, but I only have one thing to say: If a guy really likes you, he will move mountains just to be with you. If he doesn’t, then his reasons are like the stars, countless. What should I tell her? She has been waiting for him so long and I don’t want her to hurt anymore.
CHICO SAYS… I would tend to agree with your line of thinking. With the exception of a very, and I stress on the word VERY few men, most men would go for the girl they want, no ifs or buts about it, and just go for the prize. Men are not exactly known for their EQ, opting to gobble when they have the option to nibble instead. The whole “I’m not ready” bit is largely reserved for the women, who probably love the guy to bits already, but would act coy for the sake of their feminine wiles. Men don’t have the same penchant for hemming and hawing. I’d even daresay that if he really liked her, he wouldn’t even have waited for her to profess her love first. And even the most torpe of guys, once the girl does the job of taking out the guesswork, would gladly pick up the spoils. But you know what, she’d still probably stick around until he comes around. So you can give your honest two bits on the matter, because I doubt if it’ll make a dent in her resolve. I think only he can really put an end to this once he finds the courage to say how he really feels about her. But who knows, he might actually be one of those few men who are honest about their feelings?
DELAMAR SAYS… Tracy Chapman once sang, “A love prepared for days to come is as good as none.“ Nobody promises “I’ll love you when I’m ready“ or “I’ll love you in two, three, or four years.“ Either you love somebody or you don’t. And guys are the type who will go for what they want. If they want you, they’ll go after you. Besides, your friend is not asking this guy to marry her. It’s just at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage! To me, he’s just coming up with smooth excuses not to be in a relationship. It sounds like he’s complimenting her by calling her ‘ideal wife’ material. But really what he’s saying is that he does not want to be in a relationship with her. Whatever the reasons are behind those words, it’s the same result -he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with your friend.
I think you gave your friend the appropriate advice. She probably won’t take your advice because she’s in love with him. Just keep telling her what you’ve been telling her. She’ll let go when she’s good and ready. For now though, just stand by her even as she chooses to make a fool of herself because of “love.“ We’re all bound to do that at least once in our lifetime. We are all fools for love one time or another. But lessons will be learned sooner or later. Hopefully, it will be sooner rather than later for your friend.
GINO SAYS… What can I say, love is always complicated. I think that in this case though, either he just wants to keep her around as a back-up plan (as harsh as that might sound) or he still wants to play around. One of the reasons your friend is probably being neglected by this guy is because she’s just too readily available. Trust me when I say that whether you’re a guy or a girl, being too available is just not something that’s appealing to the opposite sex.
It’s difficult to pull away from a person when you like them, but at this point, if your friend wants the attention of the guy, I honestly think she should make herself unavailable. Yes, it’s a gamble because he might just completely forget about her, but at least it’ll help her move on either way. I mean come on, if you met the person that you really wanted to end up with, would you really let her go, with the risk that some other person will pounce on her or take her away?
My friends always tell me “mag pa miss ka naman.” In this case, I think that’s exactly what she should do.
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