love matters

How do you teach your heart to love?
Better yet, how do you teach your heart to forget, to refocus your vision, and to eventually let go?

When I look at you, I know I have found everything in you.
But when every time you tell me that I can eventually teach my heart to love, that eventually I will find him after a series of heartbreaks, and I almost feel that you are pushing me away discretely, my heart breaks and I know I have died inside.

People have told me to learn how to widen my vision.
I may be looking at you for so long, for years, and the long wait, might not even be worth it.
However, it is always easier said than done.
I have honestly tried. But it always goes back to him, and him...again and again.

Right now, I just wanted to give myself a break.
A time to reflect and think about things.
And maybe in thinking over, I can learn to let go.
I can start accepting that we are not meant to be.
Maybe not now. Maybe in time.

I want to fall in love again, to someone who can love me more than I can imagine.
But of course, I don't want it to be forced,
I'd like to love that person, too.
Right now, I can't hear my heartbeat yet.
It's still beating for him....and him....and him.
Wishing he will see me, the way I see him.

For the time being, he really can't.
And I almost dragged my soul to a figurative death.
I have to learn to accept things though.
After such, maybe the right one will come.
And I will no longer chase pavements
and wait in vain for that someone.