love matters

How do you teach your heart to love?
Better yet, how do you teach your heart to forget, to refocus your vision, and to eventually let go?

When I look at you, I know I have found everything in you.
But when every time you tell me that I can eventually teach my heart to love, that eventually I will find him after a series of heartbreaks, and I almost feel that you are pushing me away discretely, my heart breaks and I know I have died inside.

People have told me to learn how to widen my vision.
I may be looking at you for so long, for years, and the long wait, might not even be worth it.
However, it is always easier said than done.
I have honestly tried. But it always goes back to him, and him...again and again.

Right now, I just wanted to give myself a break.
A time to reflect and think about things.
And maybe in thinking over, I can learn to let go.
I can start accepting that we are not meant to be.
Maybe not now. Maybe in time.

I want to fall in love again, to someone who can love me more than I can imagine.
But of course, I don't want it to be forced,
I'd like to love that person, too.
Right now, I can't hear my heartbeat yet.
It's still beating for him....and him....and him.
Wishing he will see me, the way I see him.

For the time being, he really can't.
And I almost dragged my soul to a figurative death.
I have to learn to accept things though.
After such, maybe the right one will come.
And I will no longer chase pavements
and wait in vain for that someone.

waiting...

My love for you is a towering height

Though clouds may dim, I will make light

To find you, even to embark on an injurious journey

I will do with the hope that you will take heed.

I will sit by the sand and the shore

And write your name a thousand times

Because I know the heart never forgets

And loving and remembering you is what I do best.

When the shore is filled with your name

I will go and grab a paper and a pen

To the seas I will send my love across

And make a wish that you will get my message of love in a bottle.

At night as I linger and wait, I shall write my endless feelings for you

As I envision us together in the greatest love story ever told

I will seal it with passion, faith, hope, and the most fervent prayer

Still and all I will believe, it will be you and me, together.

It may be a long, endless, and futile waiting, which may be in vain

But when the heart beats, it knows no one else

And my heart knows and beats for you, and only you.

I may have died a million times in pain and agony of waiting

Yet I know, I will still wait and wait and wait, for you all over again.

 wia

paradise

Starry starry night, twinkling amidst obscurities

And there she was, lying flat in the wilderness

Hiding through the lanky and pliant bamboo and green grasses

The gentle and rustling wind blanketing the serene moment.

Till the bats soar, and the owls cuckoo

Only then she realized that she is not alone

Still in her  inner solitude she mumbles, words she could have lost

In the hustle and bustle of her outside and routinary world.

Now the momentum and tranquillity is one

She stares in the vast darkness and dreams on

As the gentle night hums her to sleep, vanishing her pain and fears

She knows she finally found, her long lost paradise.

dedication

He may not know what I have found

But with the look in his eyes, he completes me

And looking from afar gives the same shivers

As I know it’s him that really matters.

I may not be made whole without him

He has been my heart’s missing link

But I have been groping in the dark so long

And my love is still hanging on a cliff.

My heart longs to seek for answers

As a body which thirst for water, and I hunger.

I seek and long to hear him say

That our hearts are united and with the same rhythm.

Holding on still, on this branch, that I’m almost willing

To let go and die from this everyday hoping

Maybe of nothing, till I drown in oblivion

Loving as an unknown- is ecstatic but full of sorrow.

Still my heart, my world and my universe is his

And should he decide to take a leap

I know I would never let it go

For it’s with him that I found home- where I truly belong.