Patiently I wait

Recently, I just had my braces removed. It was a long four year wait, before I finally achieve that smile I can be proud of. You see, I used to look like a rabbit because of my teeth. And having to wear braces was not easy, too. You had to brace yourself for the pain of monthly adjustment, get used to dental apparatus, and allot ample time every month to visit your dentist. You also had to sacrifice eating solid foods for your teeth can't manage to bite anything hard, at times. At some point in my life, I also was impatient and in a hurry to be finally freed from the braces that bound my teeth. During those moments, I had to put my full trust in my doctors, that they know what's the best for me, as they were the experts on it. I had to be consistent and persistent in my monthly visits, or else, the longer I delay and dilly-dally, the longer it will take for my teeth to align. But that four years, I should say was worth the long wait.

Because in reality, everything in life is about waiting. And to wait means to sacrifice a lot, or to stretch our patience to our limits. One thing that I realized as I wait for four years for my teeth to be in its best look and form was the waiting stage feels really awkward, as if everything was in a disarray. Wearing braces, though may appear cute for some, is an inconvenience in a number of ways. But in life, there are certain sacrifices that you have to make to look good or to be better. Growth, development, and improvement is never a walk in the park. It takes strength of character to survive the waiting stage. Waiting enables us to appreciate the beauty of the moment and look forward to what the future is in store. It is trusting God even without knowing what tomorrow will bring. Likewise, it is having faith and hope, that after the dreary waiting, all things will work for good. It is believing, without doubts, that the best things in life are always yet to come. When you anchor your hope, faith, and trust in your God whose plans are always for good, and never for harm, you know perfectly that you are in the right hands.

There may be a lot of things in life that you are waiting to unfold or to happen at your life right now. It may be a promotion, professional advancement, a special someone, a lost in pounds. Whatever that may be, all the little steps you do toward that ultimate goal of yours will be worth it, all in the right time. With the right attitude as you wait, for sure, it will be given to you.

I would say that the smile that I am aiming for has been given to me now. I have no regrets that I waited long. I am happy that I persevered and believed. It takes a lot of patience to be where I am right now. Surely, this is not the last time I will wait. There are still a lot of things to work and wait for. But if you really wanted and prayed for something badly and crazily, without a doubt, it will happen. It will be a terrifying wait, but the fulfillment of the dream is what matters most than the agony and pain of waiting.

from afar

Everything is like magic whenever I see you

My heart skips a beat; I can feel it thumping fast

That even if I told myself the feelings are no longer there

It all goes back to me by just one glimpse of you.

And so here I am loving you from afar, over again

Concealing my identity as a friend

Because I know that is what I will ever be

Maybe this friendship state of ours will make me happy.

I wish I won't be half-hearted in saying I'm over you

But I realized that there are just people you can never unlove

Looking at you, I can still feel the spark

And every quick touch is electrifying my very core,

That seeing you sleep on my lap is heaven

I just wish that time will stop for me then

I want to caress your face gently and softly

But I only end up staring at you, again.

Maybe I can never really have your heart

Even if mine was always yours for the taking

Time and again I will admiring you from afar

Loving you in silence, even if it torments

For this is the only way I can keep you, till the end.

I still love you even if it hurts.

But I have to love myself, too.

So I chose to accept what cannot be,

and gradually let you go. 

Dear God

Dear God,

I know I just celebrated my 26th birthday and I'm supposed to be happy. I have just spent my birthday by going out of the country with good friends. I also had a hearty lunch with my family. But still, it saddens me that there's still that pothole in my heart which I do not know how to fill. These days though, I am overcame by loneliness and anxiety, that I do not want to socialize with a lot of people. I'd rather that I be on my own and sort out things all by myself.

Maybe it's because I trust easily and love too much, that I end up hurting myself in the process. I reached out, but sometimes I am never noticed nor heard. I give chances to people who maybe do not even deserve the chance at all.

At this point, maybe it is best to guard my heart at all costs. I bruise easily, and the wound it inflicts cut deep, so for my own protection I have to love and spare myself from pain. It sounds very pessimistic but that's the only way I can protect myself. I want to always look at the bright side and remember that I am loved, no matter what. At the end of the day, though I may feel that I am neglected and unnoticed and unappreciated by some, I'd like to believe there are still people out there who sees the beauty in me.

Someday Lord, I hope I will understand why people came and went away from my life. I know you took them away for a reason. It hurts to trust and to give chance to people, only to leave you hanging at the end.

Yes, Lord. I gave a chance. I just trusted. But if all else fails, I know it's always for the better. Someday, I will understand.

FEAST MAKATI article- FEAST IS FAMILY

When I started attending the Feast Makati Legaspi 2 years ago, I had at least 2-3 close friends consistently attending with me. Even if it was just a small group, I was happy to feel that I found a home, where my heart truly belongs. We would even go hopping from one Feast to another, from PICC, and sometimes to BGC. Then, we started to join Caring Groups too (now called Light Group), and we get to know other attendees in this Catholic Community.

But it was not an easy climb where I effortlessly found myself uphill. Slowly, maybe because of the difference in locations and other priorities, I found myself attending the Feast alone. I would see my former CG mates, but then again, most of the time, it would be me, myself and I. It was a struggle, but I knew that the Feast keeps my life sane, it is my refuge and solace; thus, I had to go on. What inspired me back then was when I heard from our Builder that “those empty chair/s beside you will be filled with friends.” I envision that one day, I will have more Feast Buddies and friends at the Feast. And yes, even if it took some time, I did.

Bro. Randy was right in saying that you may start attending the Feast alone in your first few months at the Feast, but in two years’ time, at least, there should or will be people who will constantly keep you in company. Now, I had no longer empty chairs beside me, for they are filled with friends who will even walk with me till the UV Express Terminal. Thank you for the Feasters I met in the CGs I have been part of, and for the ministries where I volunteered; I have found another Family, my Family in God.

Had I given up a few years back and had I been overcame with doubt, I would not have met these amazing and inspiring friends I have right now. I felt good when a former CG mate complimented that even if my former Feast Buddies are no longer attending the Feast Makati anymore, here I am, still consistent in my attendance and even in service. Indeed, God will never leave you where you are. He will help you pick up the pieces. Thank you God for prodding and pushing me to simply attend and listen to the talks, even if there were times before that I have to laugh, sing, cry, and pray on my own. You have blessed me with not just one person who will keep me in constant company, but even more than what I asked for.

Maybe right now, you feel so empty and alone. If you are attending the Feast, too, don’t give up. The Feast is your family, too. There are a lot of people here who are more than willing to accompany, pray for, and listen to you. With an open heart, smile and also reach out. For in this “happiest place on earth,” no one is ever alone. J

Of All Things New

Whenever the New Year comes, I feel as if I’m closing another chapter of my life’s story. It’s an overwhelming feeling, knowing that you are about to start a new chapter of your life and fill it with more stories. Of course, we have no control as to the unexpected or unpleasant things that might come our way, but we can always set our mind to focus on the good. This is actually what I am most thankful about the New Year, as I bid goodbye to the memories of yesterday, I now have the opportunity to make things right and change things for the better. The New Year allows me to fondly reminisce the memories and to learn from the mistakes of the year that was, and to live with hope and make more dreams turn into a reality.

               A New Year is a New Beginning, which means time to start afresh. We may have regrets and mistakes during the past year, but the New Year is an opportune time to forget the hurt, pain, disappointments, and rejections we had. It is once said that it is not good to bring those ill-feelings as it would hinder the good luck coming our way. True enough, when we let go of all the negatives, we feel lighter and more capable of doing more productive things, which in the end will make us feel good about ourselves. A New Year is another chance given to us to do what we still can- to love, to apologize, to forgive, to let go, to be brave, to explore. It tells us that life is ours for the making, and not everyone is given this precious chance. Hence, we should use this chance wisely, as much as we can.

               Likewise, a New Year is the time to set our priorities and live our dreams. Were there things that you failed to do and give time to during the past year? Were there things that you were not able to pursue? Perhaps, this New Year is the best time to plan it out and fulfill that long live dream of yours. May it be to learn a new skill or hobby, meet new people, find your one true love, travel to more places- this new year is a good time to make it come true. Isn’t it exciting knowing that there is a lot you can actually do in 1 year, 12 months, 366 days? The days fly quickly, so if there’s one thing you have been yearning to do, the time to start that is Now.

               Lastly, a New Year is a promise to Change for the Better. It feels good to know that when we change calendars, we also have that feeling within that we became a better version of our self compared to how we were before. And we owe this change to all the experiences, both the good and the bad, that made us the person who were today. This New Year, we can claim that we are stronger, bolder, tougher, and wiser. And knowing that there are far more better things coming than the ones we left behind, surely, we will continue growing and improving as the days go by.

               A New Year is a New Life which we all owe to God. It is Him who grant us the number of days by which we live and breathe. I hope, that as we all welcome the Year 2016, we all say our fervent prayer of thanks and offering. We give thanks both for the triumphs and challenges of 2015, and offer to God our plans, intentions, and grandest dreams for 2016. Thank you Lord, for this precious chance and opportunity to make the most out of life.  

And as a famous song once said “Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” Go ahead. Continue to write your life story with the guidance of God. Happy New Year! Claiming for a breakthrough Year 2016 with all of you!