I finally had the courage to tell him my feelings which have been kept in the closet for 3 years.
I feel happy that I did that. No regrets. People may judge me for being too frank, especially in our society where women are expected to just wait and make the guy do the first move. But I just crossed the borders and did something which is unexpected of my kind. It's only then that I realized that I am capable of so much, and when needed I can also stand up for myself, and fight for what I want, unmindful even of what others will say. This is not the time to cower on my own shadows and create my own nightmares, because we are the ones who make it hard for ourselves.
I may not get the answer which I really like. But honestly, I've braced myself for that. Right now, I'm just thankful that I've said what I want, and I let go of it already. No more hiding, no more lies, no more pretensions. I'm tired of playing that game. Right now, I can move ahead and go on with life. Moving on with no regrets is what I really wanted. And I'm proud to say, I've got what I want, and all it takes is that one brave act.
His answer was still indefinite. He feels the same, but he's not ready. That is open to interpretation still, but I don't care anymore. It's okay. For now, I'm contented with my lot, that atleast, he has that feelings. I won't demand so much and drag him into something which he is not even prepared to face. I'm not saying that he's finally the one, either. Someday he said he will be ready. If he's not the one, even if it's painful, I have to let go, but if he is, then that's true love and happiness for me.
And this is just what I can do for love- to be brave and to let go of my hesitations, doubts and fears, and even to accept that we may not be meant for each other, all for the person whom my heart is beating for.
*And all I can say is, thank you Lord. :)
Finally, I'm free!
You did the right thing.
ReplyDeletethank you, and though he really cant love me back, i can move on atleast
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