Kakaisip sa'yo. You know when you like that person so much that you are about to explode? That's how I'm feeling right now. I know it's stupid and crazy. But as always, when you fall in love, sometimes logic escapes (that's not justifiable though). I should not feel this way, head over heels, gaga madness over someone, whom I'm not even sure, likes me back. And while there are also others who are constantly giving me the attention, I'm not enjoying it fully either. Ikaw kasi ang gusto ko. Sana alam mo.
It's possible that you know how I feel for you, but what? You may not even care, because you don't like me. Everyday I'm like dying and I'm struggling. I just want to finally avoid you, but of course it's easier said than done. Mahal kita e. Inaabangan ko pag online ka. Sana magparamdam ka sakin. Nagpapray ako na sana may magandang mangyari, kahit di ko alam ano man yun. I'm always waiting on you. At yung disappointment na makitang parang wala lang naman kahit mawala ako sa'yo, sobrang sakit.
I never thought that loving you (secretly?) will give me this pain. Yung frustration ko ultimate level na. Masakit yung ulo ko sa kakaisip sa'yo. Yung puso ko sasabog. It's not healthy anymore. Obsession na ata 'to eh. Nakakahiya sa totoo lang, kasi parang I am chasing pavements. So the question is, after so many years of waiting for nothing, should I give up already? Kasi sabi nila, the absence of a sign is also a sign. Sign that you are supposed to open your heart so that your eyes can see others who are also of worth. Pero hangga't ikaw lang ang nakikita ko, I'm still stucked on the same platform. Matagal-tagal na din, but the feelings never change.
Sometimes and honestly, I'm tempted to say this to you. So that all the madness will stop. It's a 50-50 din naman. Pag sinabi mo, pwedeng gusto mo din ako, then happy ending; or wala kang feelings, then sorry for me, big ouch. Whichever is the case, both will enable me to move on. Kasi matatapos na yung pag-hope ko na, somehow, you also have feelings for me. That will cut it off. Even if there's an almost 75% chance na, it will hurt me in the end.
Loving someone who can't even love you back is terrorizing, terrifying, and agonizing, but you still choose to love that person. Everything is a matter of choice. You didn't drag me into this situation. Siguro nga dapat nung stage 1 pa lang pinigil ko na, pwede naman siguro yun. Sana I'm not like this na, crazy over you. My heart is really bleeding right now. Sabi ko sa movies lang nangyayari yung ganitong head over heels someone, hindi pala. Pwede pala in real life. And I know how it feels. One word: Painful.
Sana madali lang mawash-out lahat 'to. When I close my eyes, everything will be okay. The only thing I can count on now is praying, kasi di ko na kaya. Madami kasing mawawala. Ayokong masira friendship natin. You have always been there for me, as a good friend. And when I choose to divulge my feelings, alam ko mawawala yun.
Yes. I love you. But will I have the courage to tell? Not yet, maybe. So I'm still here, bracing myself for that day when I will finally have the guts to tell you how I feel. I only have two choices, to tell you and accept whatever the outcome is, or to avoid you, dahil hindi na healthy for me na nilalapitan pa kita. Di ko dapat ipilit sarili ko sa' yo. I don't want to be unfair to you by giving you stress.
I'm sorry bestie. I promise I tried hard. Madami-dami na din ako naging crush pero ikaw talaga e. But maybe after everything, we are not really meant to be.
Sana one day maging happy din ako, at ikaw. Kahit hindi man ako yun. We both deserve to be happy. I am praying mahanap ko na din yung someone na 'yun. Ikaw man or hindi. This time I'm ready, kasi I can't bear the pain anymore.
So I am here loving you from a distance. And soon, I wish it will just cease...because I can no longer hold on.
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