a step back

You are definitely good-looking as they say.
Smart, with a sense of purpose and direction.
You very well know what you want to achieve in life.
You know that you want to depend yourself and in no one else in achieving your goals and dreams.
And honestly, I admire you for that.
You clearly have the passion in doing your job and you do it excellently.
You have big dreams. And sad to say, I may not be part of those.

Sometimes I wish that you also know how badly you want me to be part of your life.
That I am not just a plaything. Or you would rather take me seriously, than let me go.
Or love me a hundred percent instead of dumping me when you said you will never leave.
Or that you will fight for me even though you've hurt me once.
That you want a chance at love.
That after all that's said and done, it's me that you want- and it's finally clear to you.

But maybe, right now, it's still a no.
Because when you love someone, that person is part of your dreams.
And you chase and go after your dreams.
You fight for it, no matter how hard it takes.
You take the extra mile to make sure that we can work through it no matter what storms there will be on the way.
We will walk and weather them all through...together and hand-in hand.

However, I guess I'm still caught in the daydreaming stage.
Because every time you drop some hints,
there is that flicker of hope, igniting the fire of love, that still burns deep inside.
And no matter how hard I try to extinguish the fire, it's still set aflame.
As foolish as it may sound, the flame, maybe never even died.
Maybe it was concealed, but never put to death.

I'd like to spend time alone...a little bit far from you
Because I don't want to be like a moth drawing itself closer to the flame
I know it will consume and burn me
And if it did, it will kill me, figuratively.
I don't want a heartache coming from you.
So if I can act aloof and wise
I will do it now.
Even if I still love you, I have to love myself too.
And if distancing a little means preventing myself from the pain
and will save me from the agony of hating you and ruining every good thing I like about you,
I will do it.

I want to remember you for all the good that you have.
And not to be embittered by the tears and pain you brought.