It's been a while since I last wrote a blog entry here in Blogger, and indeed I know I have been missing so much. Everything has been busy at work: papers to check, grades to compute, meetings to attend to, deadlines to beat, batch seminars to facilitate, clearance to be completed, school requirements to submit, so forth and so on. My life has been pretty much a school, work, tutorial and the wake up, and go home, sleep routine. I just feel so exhausted though. In fact, I can feel my body exhibiting signs of fatigue, I would have stomach pains which I haven't had for the last two years, dimming vision, and I would always sleep while commuting on my way home. I didn't like how this feels. But luckily, sometimes I would have some breaks in between.
Meeting and talking to a friend in person always helps. There are so many things to rant about. Good thing though, there are still good things coming my way. I'm still blessed to have good friends who are there to back me up. I have a fairly good income enough to support my caprices and whims (travels, malling and shopping, books, and movies). I have a community and a group who shares the same passion as I do, and will always be there for me through thick and thin. There is always something to look forward to. So even if things do not happen the way I want them to be, I am keeping still and knowing that if there is pain- it comes with a purpose.
So recently, I am still trying my best to love my workplace. I could not say a hundred percent that it was a failed attempt. However, I still see myself in another place where I know I will be fulfilled and happy. Though happiness is a choice, I still don't see myself staying here for the rest of my life. Hence, even if I said YES in my letter of intent, I'm having this change of heart. I submitted my resume at Don Bosco Makati and already took the exam and had the initial interview. They said they would call me last Wednesday, but no phone call came. I felt sad, honestly, because I have to make a choice before mid April. And by that time, I have to be sure that they will hire me, or else I will have to stay again for another year. :(((( Cry cry cry cry cry :((((((((
Seriously though, I don't want to be stuck here. It's not because the school is not good. The pay is enough for a single person like me. But it's more than that. As you gain years of experience, improved your skills and credentials, you sometimes have that feeling that "it's time to move forward and on and on and on." But fate can be tricky, I just hope it will give me clues if it's in my favor this time. So yes, I'm still waiting for the signs.
Lovelife. I still don't have one, but I don't feel frustrated anymore. After my date last December, I met three guys, dated one of them, who turns out to be quite demanding when he asked a favor from me. And since I just met him and we are still on the process of "dating each other," I was quite turned off and decided not to text him then. Sighhhhhhhhh. Then here's another guy who would call me, and would make demands that if I have no plans of staying, I better leave as early as now. Thank goodness I have the patience, courage, and fortitude to deal with those kinds of guys, for if not, I have long been six feet under the ground.
Maybe life is a test of patience after all. A week ago, much to my surprise, I saw my ex on the jeep where I am riding at. He waved and smiled at me. I am shocked but I knew and smiled, and didn't look at him since then. Before I knew it, he already alighted the jeep. I cried at home. STUPID. I am still darn affected. Oh come on. The next day, he added me on facebook. Add up to that stupidity, I confirmed his request. He said he wanted to talk to me and asked for my number, but I said we can talk/chat in FB, but I would NOT give my number. No message from him since then. END OF STORY.
My life has a lot of ups and downs. And recently, I had a movie day with my all time crush/ friend. It was a pleasant feeling to be with him- that homey feeling, even if he really criticizes me a lot. He can be so rash and cynical, but I guess I've grown a lot and learned to handle his difficult and erratic behavior. After all, we've been friends since HS. Sometimes I wish that it's just him, that I might be looking from afar when he's just there all along. But he does not manifest the signs that he likes me. Admittedly, he said he's emotionless and introvert. Dating is not even his game and as of the moment, he does not like to have a girlfriend. He likes pretty girls and set high standards, because lowering it down might give him a headache. So if I would read between his lines, maybe it's not really me. I miss the feeling of being his close friend. It happened though, again, as we updated each other on the what's up of our lives. I just can't control my liking for him that I teared up the next day. Rawr. But then again, I don't like to be the lady in waiting. So I'm still praying for the right person to come along, and I am never giving up, ever. :D
I'm still waiting and praying and working on a lot of things. I don't mind exerting effort because I know if I work hard for it, it will be given to me in the right time. Even if things do not happen as expected, I know someday, things will fall into place. After all, life is fair and God is forever the epitome of goodness and mercy. I've grown wiser after all my falls and bruises. Things may fail, but I"ll just sigh, and still I will try and try and try.
Never give up is my life's motto. I just have to do my best. My God will do the rest.
Till next update time.
XOXO,
Lenlen :D
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