Life in the time of corona virus

Life in the time of corona virus:

The global pandemic has spread like wildfire. With the figures rising in every country, we can't deny the fear and uncertainty that lurks in the minds of everyone. But this challenging time also holds lessons and realizations for us to ponder over.

1. Simple and basic things matter.
It's quite ironic how even the simplest and basic things matter more than ever now. Washing your hands, which seems an elementary concept, has never been so important. And it takes a pandemic for us to realize that. Thus, it is also time for us to ask: what are the basic and simple things which I already know but I seemingly neglect?

2. Health, family and safety are more important than anything else.
With travel plans, occasions and get-togethers on hold and cancelled, we start to shift our priorities to what truly matters most . Travels, gatherings and celebrations can wait, but the safety of our family, friends and loved ones hold paramount. We might have lost money along the way, but then again, life is priceless. We can earn back that money anyway. Peace of mind is something that money can't buy and that one is what matters more now.

3. There is beauty and peace in staying at home.
At the moment, social distancing and staying at home are the safest things to do. For others, it may seem like a house-arrest, especially at this day and age where everything seems to be fast-paced. We live in an era where we we have to go out and to explore (and sometimes so we can have IG worthy stories or photos). Perhaps, this is life teaching us to slow down. Maybe this is the rest our body has been needing for quite sometime. This time is an opportunity to reconnect with our family, and to finally spend time and eat together, which maybe some of us have not done for so long.

4. In times of crisis, our true character is revealed.
Our selfless or selfish nature will show in this global pandemic. And with what is happening around the world, it is time to reflect, who am I among the two? Sadly, there are people who live for their self-serving interests. But there are also compassionate people, who think of others welfare first more than their own. I hope we take time to show our gratitude and appreciation to this people. They are the epitome of altruism and a source of hope, that we never run out of kindness in this world. And with this, we should ask: "In what way can I help someone/others (the world, my country, my fellowmen) today?"

5. Life is fleeting and nothing is certain.
We never know what the future holds. With this, I hope we are reminded to value our loved ones more and to cherish our life on Earth. This is the best time to reflect on our actions and go back to our purpose. And even with life being uncertain and transitory, it should not stop us from doing good and from keeping our faith in God and in humanity alive.

More than ever, this is the time when everyone should unite. The virus may bring fear, paranoia and wariness, but our greatest weapon is not any antidote or vaccine, but our solidarity and optimism that we can survive this challenge, no matter how grueling it may seem.

I am enough

Looking at my facebook feed lately can be both entertaining and sometimes frustrating. Surely, I get to be updated about friends and relatives what abouts. I get to be informed as to the latest buzz anywhere around the world. But that's actually at the surface level.

There are times when I am not fully entertained by what I see in social media. Truth be told, there are many and countless days that instead of feeling happy about what I see, I end up feeling frustrated. In reality, I think, this is what social media is all about, portraying a life that is seemingly perfect, until you dig in to the deeper truth behind every post. Jealousy, envy, insecurity can creep in once you see someone who is way prettier, sexier, or more successful than you do. How come he/she is able to afford such travels? How can she maintain that look and body at that age? Oh dear, he/she has a new car/ house (again). And here I am drowning in work. Not a pound lighter, not a penny richer.

Until then that I realised that you have to be learned to be secure on your own, regardless of what you have or do not. After all, the pressure kicks in if you see life as a constant competition. In reality, no matter how hard you work, there will always be someone better than you. No matter how beautiful you may be, there will always be someone who you feel is way superior than you in looks (and in body). It's easy to feel a tinge of jealousy and wallow in self pity after browsing thru your feed. But the real question is, "will you let it get into you?" Will you be affected or rather shrug it off?

At the end of the day, life is all about acceptance and setting of realistic expectations. The sooner you accept your current status or situation, the better. You will be able to let go of ill-feelings and you won't harbor an ounce of bitterness towards others. Besides, those people are not at fault if they have such abundance in life. I can still clearly remember what our preacher said years back  that sometimes "God will let you see how He is blessing other people." I believe He does not intend to make us feel down or bad. Maybe, it's a way of Him telling, "if I can bless these people, so do you." And if ever you still don't feel any better, just remember this: "everyone lives according to his/her own timeline," and "comparison is the thief of joy."

I know it's hard not to fret or compare. But will it add a day to your life if you worry about things you do not have at the moment? Of course, it will not. It will only stress the whole out of you, and turn you into a grumpy monster. So when I am tempted to compare, maybe, I will breathe deeply and proclaim with conviction "My time will come. Maybe not now, but in due time, it will." I believe that hardwork and pure intentions will always be rewarded at the end. You just have to be open that there is an ocean of blessings that await you.

And when you are tempted to sulk into loneliness and despair, I hope we all take time to remind ourselves, that while beauty and riches offer happiness, not all those are bound to last forever anyway. Let our security be not tied to things that are superficial and ephemeral. Beauty will fade and money can be gone (especially when mishandled). While it is good to invest in those things, I hope it will not make us lose sight of what really matters- good health, a sincere, contented and thankful heart, and a mind that's always focused on the good things, no matter what life throws on you. Those are life's priceless treasures. Those are what will really count. When you finally fully internalise what that means, it's then you can proclaim: that "I am enough."

a brave heart :)

Days fly so swiftly, passing like a thief in the night. It has been almost a month since I decided to take the fall and embrace the risk, and I would say, I do not regret doing it at all. I love him, and that's all that matters.

I entered in this relationship without no guarantee as to where it will lead me, but all I know is, my heart is full of hopes that this too shall soon work out. With prayers as my ultimate and everyday shield, I most certainly believe that we can make it through. It's all a matter of trust, understanding, and sometimes, compromise.

Even with the uncertainties and doubts hovering around, I am sure that I don't want to give up on him, on us. Sometimes though, the paranoia lingers and I cannot help but stop and be suspicious and worrisome. At the end of the day, I know my childish attitude starts to kick in and when I do not get what I want, I get overly impatient, to the point that I almost breakdown. Thankfully, everyday is a learning experience for me. Slowly and surely, I am learning to manage my emotions, though from time to time, I still feel frustrated because it is honestly, still not easy. But I face each day with a brave soul and an eager heart, and I know I will soon soar high with flying colors, I just have to learn the hard way.

Time can tell and soon I know we'll both find a way. Communication is the constant key to make this all work. I won't lose hope. It's too early to give up. Whatever happens, I'll just hold on but be open to all possibilities at the same time. As always, I'll do what's best and what's right. And since I already started to take that big risk, I will always make sure that I'll give it my best shot. Whatever happens, I do not want to live a life with regrets anymore. So I will try my very best to tell how much I love him, even if I know, I have this weakness at directly expressing things.

So even fear and paranoia finds their way sometimes, I won't let it devour me. I am the master of my emotions. I will be strong, resolute, and prudent. I know what I want and I won't hold back nor let go. I will fight for this no matter what. And time can tell, someday, if we are truly meant for each other. But as for now, I will seize each day, cherish each moment, and live each day as if it were my last. And I won't let each day pass without telling him, that he means the world to me. :)

proudly melancholic

Proud to be Melancholic

                I am a cry-baby.  I cry for the simplest, nonsensical, and most trivial reasons. When I watch a dramatic and heart-breaking movie, the tear jerker in me suddenly whoops in. When I read a sad novel, my tears well-up as if it’s a stream. I am an emotional creature. And that makes me exactly me, uniquely made that is.

                I think deeply. I am overly reflective. I dwell on the issues I hear around and see on the TV. I feel extremely aghast and overly concerned when people’s rights are trampled upon. I can easily sympathize and deal with other people’s sufferings and feelings. I am an understanding creature. And sometimes, that’s what makes others use me, to their advantage, sadly.

                Nonetheless, I am aware that my being a melancholic is not really bad after all. I may be deep and reflective, but my ability to listen and be sensitive enables me to be a good listener and to be  a person who can easily relate to anybody.  It’s not that you are an approval addict, it’s just that you know how to care and to simply sympathize, no matter who the person you are with. And I believe, not everyone can do that with ease. I guess, starting today, that is something that I should take pride of.

                Because I reflect and I am a self-confessed deep creature, I am having innumerable realizations and reflections about life from time to time. And because I am better off at expressing thoughts through writing than in communicating them, the pen is my sword and my constant companion. In fact, I can survive even with a book, paper/ notebook, and pen when I am left with nothing to do. Writing is my way of living and breathing, and if that be taken away from me, I wonder how I could ever exist.

                Countless times have proven that I write better and more deeply when I am facing my usual bouts of loneliness. But admittedly, I have to topple that feeling as I cannot wallow on sadness for a lifetime. The good things is, being melancholic enables me to be productive, that my seeming stillness and calmness allows me to express my feelings deep within.  I guess if I am by nature a loud-mouthed mammal, I will not be as good as expressing my feelings through writing. So I would stop dreading my silence, but rather embrace it, and look at it as a personality worthy to be celebrated.

                What I need to work on right now is on how to turn my weakness into strengths. But the fact that I am aware that my being melancholic can lead to oversentimentality and to be overly abused by others is already a good sign that I am aware of the good and bad in me. It is just a matter of time and willingness and for sure, with God’s help, I will be transformed, and eventually there will be a better and improved me.  But no matter what happens, I love who I am. And I am not ashamed that I am born this way. I just have to accept that I am created this way with a purpose. And that purpose I still have to discover each day.

                Now if I feel sad and affected by what I see, hear, and read next time, I will not be ashamed to show how I feel, because that’s me, and nothing can ever change that. I will constantly be a friend who is willing to lend a hand, but is always aware of her limitations. I will inspire others through writing, so that others may also be blessed. I will write how I feel and how I conquer my demons and negative feelings, so that others may learn from my experience. I will listen and be sensitive to others and to God’s message, that I may be able to give meaningful pieces of advice as well.

                From then on, I will live life purposefully because I know who I am and I know what I want to do and to be. I am no longer afraid and I am no longer ashamed. I am proud to be melancholic, because this is how God made me. And I know, I am fearfully an wonderfully made by my creator, and He can never be wrong. 

THE ONE AND ONLY "YOU"

            No one is born exactly the same as another person, not even twins. We are unique, with no duplicate, just as how each one’s finger print wholly identifies a single person. As the Bible even puts it “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

            But despite knowing how God perfectly handcrafted each one with traits that would make us stand out, why is it always hard for us to accept who we are? Why could we just not accept that each person is endowed with both strengths which we can make use of and weaknesses that we can work on? Or better yet, why is it so easy to look at our faults and dwell on them rather than consistently affirm our strengths? Why is there a never-ending comparison: “I wish I was like her,” or “Why am I not given this and that,” or worse, ”Why am I born this way?”

            It is human nature to compare and look for things that they do not possess. But with a closer introspection, we will realize that the way we are created is a manifestation of how wonderful God’s work is.  Simply put, an inventor would not create something which is totally futile or worthless. The first thing he has in mind is how it will be beneficial for everyone, and he makes sure that each part is functional. God works in the same way, as he created all of us with a purpose, that even both our strengths and weaknesses are one.

            For instance, a melancholic person’s strengths are being deep and reflective, but sometimes this can border into shyness and being reserved. Nonetheless, this seeming stillness (as quiet as it may sound) enables a melancholic person to express himself through writing or to different forms of art. The apparently inability to express through words was then an avenue to create a work of art- may it be a story, a poem, a sculpture, or a painting. And that talent when used to the fullest is a perfect stepping stone to be known to the world. Marvelous, isn’t it?

           

            Therefore, the key to affirming one’s self is to 1) use your uniqueness and 2) work on your weaknesses. If we come to God and allow him to transform us, then we will start thinking less of ourselves. Besides, to God, our weakness is not a great big deal, just as how mothers love their children despite all their failures and shortcomings. We have a God who knows us well, that even the hairs in our head are numbered by Him. So the next time you are in doubt as to the extent of his love for you, be mindful of this song:

                I would not leave you in times of trouble

                We never could have come this far

                I took the good times, I take the bad times

                I’ll take you just the way you are.

            Claim that you are unique, and in God’s eyes, it’s your uniqueness (both the good and the bad) that makes you beautiful. 

innumerable silences

Gone were the twinkling and jingling,

Of sweet nothings and rememberings,

Tides swept of memories

And only bitterness thrives.

The passion (with hatred) rekindles

Fueling till the agony lives on,

Bearing the weight of solitude alone

With the silent whispers deafening the core.

And union with one’s self is the game

Whence haughtiness and contempt arise

Twas none who heard the innermost cries

In the absence of murmurs, she survives.

Until nothingness becomes a cycle

And the seeming apathy remains

But the wailing shadows lurk within

Masked in the mien of terrifying stillness.

your eyes, your love

Your eyes,
as marvelous as it can be
is the mirror of your soul.
It's beauty speaks for yourself
The key to the many mysteries
hidden within.

Your eyes,
is the door to your heart
Looking at it
I can see
I can feel
To whom thine heart beats and longs for

"Thump thump thump"
says the heart .
My own heart breaks
as I listen
to your heart's beat
For you love somebody
and that is not me.

And yes,
I can only  look at your eyes
Marvel and awe at its beauty all day
To admire it, is all I can do.

For to wish that It will just stare
and look at no one
but only me
Is as impossible
as the chance
of having you
and your love.