Innersoul

Does God even remember me?

When He blesses others and their prayers were answered

Does He know that I have been praying fervently, too?

Does He know my hurts, trials, frustrations, and pains

Especially when I am tired and can no longer wait

Does He know that I cry in the middle of the night

Or I ran out of joy, too?

And stare at nothingness,

Feeling hopeless and lost?

What exactly are God’s plans for me?

I have done all I can

Been good to the best of my ability

And tried to wait patiently

Will there be an ending to this

Waiting, hoping for, and dreaming?

The answers yet I cannot fully fathom

Though my heart and mind tells me to hold on

For when the Lord’s plan I cannot comprehend

And if in the moment I feel His silence

Then maybe, He is preparing something for me.

And I have to wait

To grow

To be strong

And to trust wholly

That He knows perfectly what He is doing

And I just have to leave the rest, to Him

the most fragile thing

Trust is the most fragile thing

That ever exists.

 It’s a glass that you can throw

And instantly shatter into pieces.

These tiny broken pieces

Are a myriad of things and feelings

Of a love hoping to bloom

Of fear that was kept but now unearthed

Of peace that was now disturbed

And of betrayal and agony that now lingers.

A broken trust is paranoia that hovers

And every word, feeling, person is now filtered.

A broken trust can be a dying of a dream

And the hurt person is not what it seems.

For when trust is gone

Promises not kept are now lies

Faith in humanity slowly dies.

Or maybe a day will come that someone tries,

To wipe that cloud of doubt in one’s eyes.

Piece by piece it will be restored

Though not in its original form.

Slowly the heart is bound to open

Till it’s able to trust, again.

in silence

The beauty of silence allows me to ponder and marvel at a number of things...

a love that hurts and could never have been
of pain knifing one's heart, free flowing waters on one's cheeks
of groping and holding onto as obscure it may seem
still clinging into the impossible, the dark and the rim
fervent prayers whispered where faith is as unlimited as dreams.

Because it's in one silence where enlightenment is at its peak
to come to terms with oneself, nobody else plays intrusive
where oneself and inner soul collide
and the heart and mind finally coincides
the silence is the dawn of one's day
to bid goodbye to the unknown and the vague.

And you would know when to hold on and to let go
the heart speaks words that made sense even ages hence
the calming of one's fury, the fire has expired
there's ample light and glimmer on one's mind
never to be lost, a road map as a guide
in the midst of silence is the courage to decide.

Even if tears continuously flow or the heart unceasingly bleeds
the silence gathers courage, to give in even to defeat
it is a testament to memories, foolish choices, and the could have beens
and in silence one relives, hopes, accepts, cries, and keeps on dreaming.
Till reality prods to make choices, hand in hand with one's silence
And that day void with noise makes all that difference.

crossroad

Ain’t a wise man, for foolish decisions have been made

To love, to let go, to wait, to stay, to linger

To hold on to for so long

Even with the uncertainties

And the odds of losing is even greater.

 

The game has been played.

And the risks became greater than the gains.

And the question that’s left

Should one give up

Or keep on chasing the unreachable?

 

The signs were nowhere

The silence becomes definite

Deafening one’s soul and core

Left alone.Wondering.Bewildered.

 

And when you’re in this crossroad

Comes the death of the inner soul.

waiting...

My love for you is a towering height

Though clouds may dim, I will make light

To find you, even to embark on an injurious journey

I will do with the hope that you will take heed.

I will sit by the sand and the shore

And write your name a thousand times

Because I know the heart never forgets

And loving and remembering you is what I do best.

When the shore is filled with your name

I will go and grab a paper and a pen

To the seas I will send my love across

And make a wish that you will get my message of love in a bottle.

At night as I linger and wait, I shall write my endless feelings for you

As I envision us together in the greatest love story ever told

I will seal it with passion, faith, hope, and the most fervent prayer

Still and all I will believe, it will be you and me, together.

It may be a long, endless, and futile waiting, which may be in vain

But when the heart beats, it knows no one else

And my heart knows and beats for you, and only you.

I may have died a million times in pain and agony of waiting

Yet I know, I will still wait and wait and wait, for you all over again.

 wia

paradise

Starry starry night, twinkling amidst obscurities

And there she was, lying flat in the wilderness

Hiding through the lanky and pliant bamboo and green grasses

The gentle and rustling wind blanketing the serene moment.

Till the bats soar, and the owls cuckoo

Only then she realized that she is not alone

Still in her  inner solitude she mumbles, words she could have lost

In the hustle and bustle of her outside and routinary world.

Now the momentum and tranquillity is one

She stares in the vast darkness and dreams on

As the gentle night hums her to sleep, vanishing her pain and fears

She knows she finally found, her long lost paradise.

dedication

He may not know what I have found

But with the look in his eyes, he completes me

And looking from afar gives the same shivers

As I know it’s him that really matters.

I may not be made whole without him

He has been my heart’s missing link

But I have been groping in the dark so long

And my love is still hanging on a cliff.

My heart longs to seek for answers

As a body which thirst for water, and I hunger.

I seek and long to hear him say

That our hearts are united and with the same rhythm.

Holding on still, on this branch, that I’m almost willing

To let go and die from this everyday hoping

Maybe of nothing, till I drown in oblivion

Loving as an unknown- is ecstatic but full of sorrow.

Still my heart, my world and my universe is his

And should he decide to take a leap

I know I would never let it go

For it’s with him that I found home- where I truly belong.

innumerable silences

Gone were the twinkling and jingling,

Of sweet nothings and rememberings,

Tides swept of memories

And only bitterness thrives.

The passion (with hatred) rekindles

Fueling till the agony lives on,

Bearing the weight of solitude alone

With the silent whispers deafening the core.

And union with one’s self is the game

Whence haughtiness and contempt arise

Twas none who heard the innermost cries

In the absence of murmurs, she survives.

Until nothingness becomes a cycle

And the seeming apathy remains

But the wailing shadows lurk within

Masked in the mien of terrifying stillness.

hollow

A mist in a morning

Obstructing a vision so clear

Grayness heightens

And everything in between.

Shadows walk and thread their path

Finding their homes, finding their souls

Retracing memories, through voices that lingers

Still all was asunder, none beyond reach.

The night turns dimmer

And the moon with the clouds

Impedes the radiance it yields

And nothing left for remembering.

Hence turn the tides

Washing up the sands

As they become a single entity

In the vastness of the seas

Still the soul was there

A vagabond in the world of the living

But a dead in the making

Left unrecognized, unknown.

And as the gust of air starts perching

The dreams that once were

To nothingness was driven, then vanished

All the hopes collide, with emptiness it died.

circumstances

When I feel sad I will cry,

Whine, moan, groan

Until all the bitterness is gone.

When I feel happy I will jump

Soar high in the sky and fly

As if tomorrow will never come.

When someone broke my heart

I will be strong and carry on

Despite the nightmarish emotion.

When I fall in love again

I will be better and wiser

And The agony of the past will be over.

heartbroken

I was fooled by you
I believed
still believed
till I cried
desperately

The road is foggy
The sky gets darker
eversince the day
when you're nowhere to be found


I waited
I stared
Did i just see something?
Nothing...
It was just all false hopes

I was fooled by you
I believed
still believed
and I'm still crying
desperately

(my own composition, super duper late post... )

reflection

I look at the mirror
I see me
Is that me?
That can't be!

I stare at myself
At the image
I see
Right now
Still I can't believe

I hold the mirror
Tight
Stare at the image
Gently
Then with a sudden blow
I knocked myself hard

My reflection now
I can't see
I feel the hurt
It's all over me
The mirror's ripped into pieces
and all around me,
there's BLOOD.

untitled post

It's easy to say that I'm over you
easy to say that I hate you
That I'll never talk to you once and for all
Just hearing your name
Is like a curse

But then again, living it up is not as easy as it is
Yes, I must admit
It is always "easier said than done"
Now that once again...
it seems that I'll fall in your arms

As still as the waters can be
allow me to see
let me just wait
For whatever happens, happens.
Let destiny take its course
If we are certainly meant to be

Then If fate finally decides
You'll hear no remonstrations from me
Just acceptance
For now, let's just wait
for things to unfold
in their own time.

your eyes, your love

Your eyes,
as marvelous as it can be
is the mirror of your soul.
It's beauty speaks for yourself
The key to the many mysteries
hidden within.

Your eyes,
is the door to your heart
Looking at it
I can see
I can feel
To whom thine heart beats and longs for

"Thump thump thump"
says the heart .
My own heart breaks
as I listen
to your heart's beat
For you love somebody
and that is not me.

And yes,
I can only  look at your eyes
Marvel and awe at its beauty all day
To admire it, is all I can do.

For to wish that It will just stare
and look at no one
but only me
Is as impossible
as the chance
of having you
and your love.

fly and breakaway

As high as the skies and clouds above
You can spread your wings
You can soar freely
You can fly up into the sky
And conquer the world with that majestic flight.

Here I am, staring at you
awe-inspired by your ability
to wander aimlessly
to reach for the heavens
to be as carefree as you wanted to be.

I marveled at the beauty of thy flight
cause that is something
I can never be
sitting here,
I can only look at you.

And yes, I can only look and wish
That I can fly as high as you can
Then maybe, when I am able to do so
I can finally break away
and find my peace, at long last.