The invisible enemy

"I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind."

Never have I felt uncertainty and fleetingness of life than these past few days. Just like most of us, I wonder. I am baffled and beyond scared as to when this will end. Sometimes, I wish all that is happening in the world is just a dream. But no, it is reality unfolding right in my very eye. And being far from home somehow even makes me more frantic. But I know that I must not allow fear and paranoia to rule over me.

Instead, the past few days have been days of realizations. In times like this, what else is more valuable? Life, good health, togetherness with your family, all those are what I hold more precious and dear now. All of a sudden, I forgot my yearnings for worldly possessions, not because I don't want them, but because I know at the end, it is not what will truly count.

In as much as we want to plan things out now, the world seems to be unstable. What lies in the next months, no one actually knows. We lie in bed, not knowing how many lives will be lost. We wake up and we can never tell if one day, we will be reduced to a mere figure or statistics. Despite venturing into the unknown, we hold on to that glimmer of hope and faith, that one day, if we keep in praying and helping one another, our lives will be back to normal again.

And just like you, I can't wait for that day to come, too. How good it will be to finally see my students again and be lost in their chatter and noise. I long for the day when we can talk to our friends somewhere else, in the park, at the mall, without apprehensions, reservations and fear of getting contaminated by the virus elsewhere. I pray that the day will come when we can finally feel the warmth of the sun or the coolness of the outdoors. Oh these things which used to be normal or maybe trivial are now the very things we miss.

As long as we keep fighting a good fight, there is no battle we cannot win. More than ever, this is the time for our country and the world to be united in overcoming this invisible enemy. In doing so, it is with hope that we set our ego, pride and selfishness aside and just let love, compassion and altruism reign. Time and again has proven that miracles do happen if we work together. And what better time to see another miracle unfolding in everyone's lives than now?

#weareallinthistogether #fightingCovid19

Life in the time of corona virus

Life in the time of corona virus:

The global pandemic has spread like wildfire. With the figures rising in every country, we can't deny the fear and uncertainty that lurks in the minds of everyone. But this challenging time also holds lessons and realizations for us to ponder over.

1. Simple and basic things matter.
It's quite ironic how even the simplest and basic things matter more than ever now. Washing your hands, which seems an elementary concept, has never been so important. And it takes a pandemic for us to realize that. Thus, it is also time for us to ask: what are the basic and simple things which I already know but I seemingly neglect?

2. Health, family and safety are more important than anything else.
With travel plans, occasions and get-togethers on hold and cancelled, we start to shift our priorities to what truly matters most . Travels, gatherings and celebrations can wait, but the safety of our family, friends and loved ones hold paramount. We might have lost money along the way, but then again, life is priceless. We can earn back that money anyway. Peace of mind is something that money can't buy and that one is what matters more now.

3. There is beauty and peace in staying at home.
At the moment, social distancing and staying at home are the safest things to do. For others, it may seem like a house-arrest, especially at this day and age where everything seems to be fast-paced. We live in an era where we we have to go out and to explore (and sometimes so we can have IG worthy stories or photos). Perhaps, this is life teaching us to slow down. Maybe this is the rest our body has been needing for quite sometime. This time is an opportunity to reconnect with our family, and to finally spend time and eat together, which maybe some of us have not done for so long.

4. In times of crisis, our true character is revealed.
Our selfless or selfish nature will show in this global pandemic. And with what is happening around the world, it is time to reflect, who am I among the two? Sadly, there are people who live for their self-serving interests. But there are also compassionate people, who think of others welfare first more than their own. I hope we take time to show our gratitude and appreciation to this people. They are the epitome of altruism and a source of hope, that we never run out of kindness in this world. And with this, we should ask: "In what way can I help someone/others (the world, my country, my fellowmen) today?"

5. Life is fleeting and nothing is certain.
We never know what the future holds. With this, I hope we are reminded to value our loved ones more and to cherish our life on Earth. This is the best time to reflect on our actions and go back to our purpose. And even with life being uncertain and transitory, it should not stop us from doing good and from keeping our faith in God and in humanity alive.

More than ever, this is the time when everyone should unite. The virus may bring fear, paranoia and wariness, but our greatest weapon is not any antidote or vaccine, but our solidarity and optimism that we can survive this challenge, no matter how grueling it may seem.

3 decades, 3 lessons

• 3 decades, 3 lessons

When I was younger, I used to dread reaching my thirties. I would always ask myself that when I am 30 years old, "Will I be good enough, successful? Will I reach my goals?"  Now that I finally reached this age, I realized it is something I should not fear, but instead, should welcome wholeheartedly. Your 30s is the time to fully embrace maturity and the wisdom that comes with it. With this, here are some valuable insights I gained over my life's  three decades.

1. Where you are is where exactly you should be
- Our life is a product of our choices and decisions, so wherever we are right now is where we are meant to be. Many times we will be bothered by our "what ifs." Instead on dwelling on things that can't be undone, focus on what is. What can you do to make things better at the moment? We should refocus our energy on the present because it is entirely pointless to mope over our past or regrets. Remember, each brand new day is an opportunity to turn dreams into reality, regrets to learning experiences. Believe that where you are is due to divine appointment, not by accident.

2.  Always find the beauty in things.
- The world is already filled with toxicity and negativity, and we don't need more of that. Our reactions to circumstances can make or break us, so it is wise to practice using "the pause button". Admittedly, this is still challenging for me, but if I am confronted with problems, I try to ask myself: "Will stressing over this matter in months or years? If not, I will just let it go." Life is always full of good things. And sometimes we ignore our "blessings" and pay much attention to the "burdens". So whatever and whoever it is that makes you happy, dwell on that. Spend time with your family and loved ones, travel, pursue your hobbies - the possibilities are endless. Life is beautiful and there is always something worthy to celebrate. As they say, live, laugh, love. And don't forget to thank the Almighty at the end of the day, for all the blessings -big or small.

3. Be gentle with yourself, but be open for growth.
- Most of the time, we are our own worst critic. And we are most unforgiving of our own faults. Mistakes and failures are normal occurences in life and it is through these that we grow. Why should you be harsh and keep all the blame to yourself? You can always brush off the dirt on your knees and stand up after every fall. Tap yourself and say, "it's alright. I can do better next time." Take it easy, but do not be complacent. Cry if you must for a day or two, but know when to stop.
You will see that after every fall, there is a stronger, wiser and tougher you. Take it to heart that you can always transform mistaked and failures as learning experiences, and all it takes is a heart that is open to forgive and to take risks and chances for oneself.

It might have taken some time before I learned these things and the journey had not been easy. At 30, I am still a work in progress, my life is not perfect, but that is okay. I thank God for the 30 fruitful years and what lies ahead, though still uncertain, I place it in the palm of God's hands.

I'm 30 and I'm loving it! Cheers to more decades to come!   ♥️

When we were young

Oh those yester years, we were young and wild, and free. When we think about it, and reminisce the days and years that had gone by, it will surely bring about a rollercoaster of emotions. We may feel wistful, but at the same time find ourselves laughing as we think of our crazy, silly, and stupid acts (which we never even thought why we did in the first place). That is the recklesness of our youth, and when we mull over, there might be some beauty in it.

While there might be days we wished we could have been more rational in terms of how we decided on things during our youth, surely those carelessness were all charged to experience. We might have cried and regretted that action that we might have done over impulse, but a biggest mistake, when wisely reflected upon, can turn out to be the most life changing event ever. Though it's not always an excuse that we were young, back then, still it cannot be denied that our precious youth is an opportune time to learn. For we can never be the wiser person we are now if we never fell down and got back up during our younger years. And we owe it to our younger self and thank that we had that "grace and trial period" of our life. Hopefully, those mistakes are no longer the recurring ones, otherwise, we might have never learned or made realisations, after all.

And as the years passed, it is our hope that we let go of the hurts and bitterness of the past. That despite all our imperfections and wrongdoings, we have learned to be more kind to ourself. It is futile to play the blame game, and it is but wiser to move forward and just keep going. Whatever it takes to get by, may it be crawling, walking, kneeling, running, sprinting, fast, average, no matter how slow, the most important thing is we keep life going... and just reflect on whatever we can learn from the situation.

Someday, those mistakes and foolish acts will just be stories to tell. And interesting, colorful stories at that. One that we will funnily share to our children, grandchildren, or to the younger generations. Yes we could be young, and wild, and very much carefree. But let us not miss the most important point of our youth, that as we sail on the most worry free years of our life, may we never lose sight of the future ahead of us. That as we frolic along those fun-filled and exciting days, we allow ourself to grow, to be more introspective, and to mature, that at the end, we will not regret that we just wasted our youth over senseless and shallow merry-making that we never had the time to prepare ourselves to be the adult that we want to be in the future.

Love Thyself

Knowing to love yourself is the greatest love of all…

Growing up, I have always been called that “fat kid.” I was that ugly, heavy, obese girl who was so insecure of herself. The only thing that I take pride of was knowing that I am a little smarty-pants whose efforts and hard-work was well noticed and acknowledged by her teachers, and sometimes even by my classmates. I never saw myself as someone beautiful back then, because it appears to me that my beauty was obstructed by my fats. Part of being the obese child that I am was being bullied for my heavy size, but over time, I learned to shrug it off, and be numb of the constant and persistent teasing and mocking of my peers, and even strangers who see me.

It was not an easy journey for me. In my teen-age years, I lost weight when family issues kick in. I focused on my studies; while on the side, eating lesser than the usual. It yields good results until I noticed that my uniform was more loose. Then, I am more motivated to be slimmer. I learned to curb my appetite and even to slowly embrace exercising. But even though I lost those pounds and somehow gained confidence, the hardest thing for me to do until now is to love myself, for who I am, and for what I am not.

In a society where people perceive slim and skinny as beautiful, I have always been insecure of my weight and looks. Honestly, even if I am far from the obese girl that I was 13 years ago, I sometimes see the same girl when I look in the mirror. There were days when I honestly do not like and appreciate what I see, even if people have been somehow complimenting me for my beauty or so called “transformation.” My body issues are still haunting me, and I know that I will continue to work-out or eat lesser to maintain my weight, as I know that I gain weight easily. I know people will continue to tease me as chubby or make fun of my flabby legs and arms; but little did they know that when they do these things, a girl has long died inside of me. I am hurt, more than they ever know, but I kept it to myself, acknowledged and swallowed all the criticisms, even if it hurts so much, after all the efforts I have been through. But that is life, and I know, people will always come to notice your flaws, and instead of sulking and moping over it, I just have to let them go.

And there are little things to do to make me love myself all the more, even if sometimes, it can be the hardest thing to do. Rejections and criticisms are unavoidable, but somehow, I managed to make it through, as I become tougher, wiser, and even stronger. There are countless days when I feel like giving up, and life and my emotions are always one hell of a roller-coaster ride, but I always get-up again and again, after all the tumults and storms. At the end of the day, I know, it will still be always about me- how I see myself and how I manage to make it through which will the determine the course of my path and my destiny. It all starts with making little efforts to love yourself, even if you don’t feel like it, or despite all the criticisms.

At this point, I know I am still not over my insecurities just yet. Or maybe I will never get over them, and only time can tell. But one thing is for sure, I know I cannot please everyone, and it is a normal occurrence in life that people will throw rocks on you. I will never have that 6 pack abs, 36-24-36 figure, or a face of an angel or a beauty queen. It will take time before I become that “confidently beautiful with a heart” kind of woman. Even so, deep inside, I believe that I am still beautiful in my own way, and it takes the right people to appreciate that skin-deep beauty, that not all people can see. My body issues may be there to stay, but maybe, it is not my looks, my weight, or size of my jeans that will always matter. In my heart, I know that I will have the noblest and purest of all intentions, and that is the most important of all.

And as cliché as it may sound, there is that someone out there who will appreciate you despite all your flaws and imperfections. There are people out there who love you just the way you are. Your life here on earth is with a purpose. Knowing all those fuels my desire to live more, to persevere, and to continue to fight my demons. More so, it makes me believe me in myself, that I am significant and I matter. It may be a hurdle, a battle, an obstacle I had to go through every day of my life. Still, I will try, to the best of my ability, always and above all, to love myself. 

out of the comfort zone

The only constant thing in this world is change. The change is very striking and apparent, that even the changes that have transpired in the world  (for the last ten years) has been one of the questions in the recently concluded Miss Universe competition.

But if change is permanent, why do people dread it? And if change is expected, why is it difficult for us to have a complete turn-around?

Leaving one’s comfort zone is truly never easy. Though comfort equates to security most of the time, it will never guarantee growth. Progress and prosperity will entail leaving that place where you feel close to home. And if you want success and ultimate breakthroughs, you definitely have to level up your game-plan, and leave your comfort zone.

Though it may sound exhilarating, it can also be nerve-racking.  But as they say, if your dreams do not scare or frighten you, then you are not dreaming big enough.  Your dreams should intimidate you, so you will strive for growth and betterment. Your dreams should terrify you, so that you will be pushed to your limits. And the hard times will drain you, leave you gasping for air, bewilder and make you lost your wits even. Sometimes you will even question why you chose to leave a life of comfort and security in the first place. But if all these tough and testing times will bring you to where you are supposed to be, then you will not only pass through it, but will even rise above the circumstance, highly flying with colors.

And sometimes all it takes is that desire for change. In your heart, you just have to brace yourself for that one big step. With all your might, prepare as you take on that one big leap. It may be a thousand miles before you even reach your final destination, but who cares? As long as you are eager to take on that single step starting today, even with your heart afraid, you will eventually get there.

The choice is yours. Will you be stuck in comfort and monotony, or embrace change not knowing what lies outside your comfort zone?

But how else will you even find out what else is on the other side of the world?

Just go out and explore. And in the process, keep the faith and enjoy the venture into the unknown!

the big girl bids goodbye to fairy tales

The Big Girl Bids Goodbye to Fairy Tales

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.” – Taylor Swift

                Shakespeare once wrote that “The Course of True Love never did run smooth.” In the process of finding that love, we craft the grandest love story in our imagination only to be left bewildered by the harsh reality of love. It was, is, and will never be a piece of cake. At times, it can be a pain and the neck. Our dreams suddenly were shaken, vanished, and crushed into bits and pieces. It’s only then that we started to let go of the myths we hold on to for so long, and the little girl within us starts to die. As it is love is not always about finding the prince charming in times of distress. Or maybe there is really no fairy God mother who will help us find that one true love. When pain strikes our heart, loud and hard, reality knocks us off our feet and we begin to embrace the fact that love is not always, a fairy tale.

                More often than not this is a bitter pill to swallow. Who would’ve want a prince charming, one such being described in the fairy tales we grew up with? But as we struggle to find love, and eventually grow older and wiser, we start to look at everything in a different light. True love happens when it’s bound to happen, but it takes one brave action as well. It takes a woman of character and integrity to find the right man, and playing the “damsel in distress drama” might be useless. A woman who has the mature outlook and perspective in life knows what her dreams, purpose, and passion are and she is living it up day by day. It’s not always about waiting for the “knight in shining armor riding in a white horse” coming to save her and drive her to a castle far-away.

                But even if life turns sour and love seems so difficult to find, there is always a reason to hope for and hold on to. The little girl within us may die after the devastating outcomes brought about by harsh life, but the spirit will never expire. The tears shed are never useless as through pain we are sharpened and toughened, hopefully in a good way. Pain comes with a purpose, whatever that reason is, despite it being difficult to comprehend. It’s just that the little girl dreams and fantasizes, and the big girl hopes, prays, and makes it happen. She learns her lessons from her mistakes and slowly lets go of the ideal and cling on to what’s real and achievable. Still and all, whatever adversities she faced, this will never diminish her belief in herself as she already realized her worth. This means she is no longer the princess in waiting, but a well-grounded woman.

                Is it still worthy to look for a prince charming nowadays? Maybe yes, maybe no. But I guess Prince Charming is just an ideal instilled to us and an over attachment to it may lead to delusions and further hallucinations. Why look for the ideal prince charming when I can find a real man? No one is perfect. But sure there is the "right" one.

                I guess from time to time it’s still good to go back to the child in us and believe in fairy tales. But this is real life- we grow, we learn, we make mistakes, we mature. We realize that we need to distinguish the difference from fantasy and reality. And when the tough gets going and the going gets tough, we learn to both accept and let go. Accept that there are things which are never meant to happen and people in life we can never ever have. Till then we can confidently tell ourselves “I’ve grown up. I’m no longer a little girl. My experiences enabled me to learn and polished me to become better.”

dear 2012

Dear 2012,

I cannot believe that time flies like a thief in the night. I feel like I'm running after you as the year is again about to end.There were good and bad things that happened, but no matter how things turned out, my heart is full of gratitude for they are all experiences for me to learn. As the year is about to draw close, I would say that I am stronger, tougher, and wiser.

Thank you for making me realize that it is not selfish to love myself all the more, even before I expect others to love me back. This time, I am more confident than ever, and I will stand tall and be proud of who I am, for I am created with purpose. Thank you that I am no longer doubtful of my abilities, and therefore, I know and I am certain of what I want to  be someday. I know the road that I am heading and I will never go wrong because my heart is willing to go for it. Someday soon, all my dreams will come true. Undeniably indeed, learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of all.

I would also like to thank you for drawing me closer to my Creator and thereby increasing my strength, fortitude, faith, and optimism. Indeed, I am at my happiest this year because I am a strong believer that happiness is a choice and life is what you make it. Today, I will no longer allow clouds of doubts to hinder my vision as I can always strive to make the most out of the most despairing situation. The bouts of melancholia will come, but it will never be triumphant in bringing me down. 

Also, thank you that even after my heartbreak, I was able to pick up the pieces and move on with forgiveness and joy. Surprisingly, I did not have any ill-feelings toward him and deep in my heart I know I am open to reconciliation and patching things up with him. Likewise, I have grown wiser and am certain that I will no longer make the same mistakes again. If my life is being emptied right now, it's because He has something better to put in my life. Now, I am most certain of myself, and I know I am more than ready to find that love and to share my completeness with someone as complete as I am. Love is soon coming my way, that I am most assured of. I have no doubts. :D

Furthermore, thank you for giving me more opportunities to go out of my way- to travel, to spend time with my friends, to meet more people, to try things I have never done before, to share my talents and to go out of my comfort zones. Indeed, I have maximized my potentialities this year, and for 2013, I know I can do more. I can do anything. I am full of zest and energies, overflowing, that is.

So soon, I shall bid goodbye to you, but let me tell you that I owe you so much. And for making me the person I am today, I will be forever indebted to you. 2012 will always be a year so close to my heart, and this 2013 will be my breakthrough year, for sure.

Goodbye and thank you 2012! I shall always remember you with fondness.

Always and forever,

Len

the passionate writer

Writing has been my constant companion ever since. Even since I was in elementary, I would often find myself scribbling down random poems and short stories. In fact, I would pile and staple bond papers together such that it would look like a book, and then that is exactly where I will write my short story. Indeed, the writer in me has always been in my veins, and in my heart.

For countless times, writing has saved me from the bouts of boredom and from feeling melancholic. It has been my constant companion and ultimate outlet. Whenever a tear is about to fall from my eyes, I would have that desire to grab a pen and express how I am feeling deep inside. And whenever I am simply happy and blessed, I would have the urge to write it all down, too. It's as if I want my cheerful feelings to be contagious, either in blogs, or through a piece of paper.

Not everyone though is gifted with the ability to write, for we are all given talents which are unique to us. But as for me, I believe the gift of writing is the perfect one for someone like me. Since I am highly melancholic by nature, it is best that I express what I feel by writing all down. If not for this gift, I don't know how I'll be able to manage life. It's just that writing has always been my saving grace. It is there with me through thick and thin, and it is the witness to how I am transforming and working on my road to self-fulfillment and happiness.

I may be busy and be doing a lot of things lately. But I know my passion in writing will never ever fade away. At the end of the day, when I feel bored and nothing to do, I can always see myself doing the same thing, and I feel as if I'm in one with myself again. Or maybe through writing I can be in a universe where I am the protagonist. Writing helps me realize my dreams and it made me believe that I can do whatever I can by just simply being me.

And for every battles still to come in my life, I know I will survive. With the pen and the paper as my companion and sword, I know I will never go wrong. I will continue to live and to write for the rest of my life. I will dream on, stay strong, write, and inspire. Because at the end of the day, I am not writing just for myself, my ultimate goal is to make change and to help others learn from my writings, so that they can bring out the best in them too.

So if you have a talent inherent to you, use it. Make it as an instrument to fulfill your dreams. Be passionate about it and believe.

what kind of a vampire are you?

Do you have a difficult person in your life? Do you have that someone who seems to suck the life and joy out of you? If yes, then you've got a "vampire" in your life. Having someone who annoy, pester, and do everything to steal your happiness is difficult and draining, so why not get to know more about that vampire in your life.

First, why are there vampires around? Where are they actually coming from? Actually, these vampires are not just there to simply play around with us. More often than not, these difficult people are also going through something difficult in their lives and the only way they can deal with it is by projecting that to someone else. And if you are a weakling whose feet is not stronghold on the ground, you will easily be victimized by these bloodsuckers. Whenever they make someone feel low because of their pestering, they feel as if they are superior and powerful. So knowing that these vampires are not as monstrous and humongous as they be, will you still allow yourself to be belittled and affected by them? Think again. :)

Second, what are the different kinds of vampires? Look at the list below and reflect. Are you one of them? Does the list remind you of someone you know?

1. Criticizing Vampire: This kind of vampire corrects the wrongs of the world. He feels righteous and has the eye to see the imperfect world around him.

2. Controlling Vampire: Confrontational, pushy and aggressive. He uses forceful personality or his anger to intimidate. This vampire is also a bully to others.

3. Complaining Vampire: He is a giant victim of life's catastrophes. Even if you offer help to this person, he will often find it difficult to execute. 

4. Clinging Vampire: They are the parasites that always look for someone to devour. This type of person cannot be alone.

5. Crying Vampire: They are the type of people who are oversensitive.

6. Coward Vampire: The nicest persons in the world who finds it difficult to say "No."

7. Con Vampire: This vampire is good at lying and honestly believes in his own lies.

Now that we know more about the characteristics of these vampires or difficult people, let's take it as a challenge to know ourselves better. Ask yourself a question "Am I one of them?" And if you are, what steps will you take to make life easier for you so you won't be a burden to someone else. Life is difficult but that does not give you the permission to make life a curse for others. Or if you don't think that life is difficult, then you make it difficult for someone else. 

moving on and on and on

And so my ex just texted me last Monday. Yeah, to my surprise. He was asking how I am doing lately. Though surprised, I still managed to thank him for finding time to ask me how I was.

How am I really feeling right now? So what was his score in my heart? Are there still butterflies and flutters in my stomach whenever he texts me? Oh well, I don't know if this was caused by the break-up or after hearing so many wake-up calls from my friends, I guess the care was still there but the love? 70-30. 70% would be "I have moved on." and 30% I still care about you.

I would not say that I have completely forgotten him, but I guess I accepted the fact that I have to let him go as he is becoming a heavy baggage I am forced to carry. I decided to unload so I can travel light. If I really love him, the best thing to do is set him free so that he can no longer hurt my feelings. And so going back, how did I feel upon seeing his text aside from being bewildered? Honestly, I felt puzzled and quite annoyed. I mean, how can he act so insensitive as if nothing happened, as if he didn't tell me that we'll be okay and then again he'll disappear on me for a month? What does he really think of me? A toy, a reserve force, someone who he can leave and pick up when he feels like it. It's me who can change the way he thinks about me. He has to learn his lesson too.

So what did I do? I finally said that:

It's not okay but I guess that's  okay na din. I  did my best but I guess that's it. Be happy. Find what makes you happy and that's not me. :)) (with smiley, take note). I'll pray for you.

No matter how hard and painful that may be, I guess it's really the right thing to do. Apparently, he wants to go back to my life. But I did not say "YES". I did not accept him, but instead I said I wanted to talk to him in person. He said he will. But I won't wait anymore. After all, he has his pride. And we are no longer into a relationship, so why would he waste his time talking to me heart to heart if he knows he can't get something from me. I guess, that's really it. Period. End of story.

But I guess, I still want him to talk me. And prove me wrong. After all, I wanted to end this up in a mature manner. I need the closure that I deserve. And I want to part ways with him with respect and not with hatred. But should he fail me, I cannot do anything about him anymore. That was a choice he made for himself, not mine.

Generously Gracious God

                With the many problems that beset our lives, we usually wonder, “when will the odds be ever be in our favor?”  More often than not, we think the entire mountain is our hurdle when in fact it is just the small rocks that make us stumble along the way. We end up sulking, frustrating, worrying, and even doubting and questioning if God is still on our side.  We think of ourselves as losers.  Truth of the matter is, despite the adversities we are having, the grace of God, as always, abounds.

                Our trials sometimes hinder us to see the grace that God provides. Even waking up each morning is looked upon as a curse rather than a blessing because we are clouded by our weaknesses and our distrustful hearts. But the good news is always there, and that is: God’s grace is sufficient for all of us and that He always loves to take over our weaknesses. When we are weakest, the power of God is strongest and that is also the time when we learn to trust God wholeheartedly, as we likewise learn to humble ourselves.

                Humans are not invincible, nor are we immortals. And by acknowledging our limitations, all the more we will start experiencing grace upon admitting that there are always things in life beyond our control. By then, it will suddenly dawn on us how God’s grace certainly abounds, and with the ability to look at life with light despite the bleakness is already His  way of showing us that He is taking over our lives. So what should we do then? With a Generously Gracious God, we can just let it all happen and relax in His unfailing love.

                Slowly but surely, the moment we start to realize how God’s grace has been lifting us up, we learn to believe that everything is a blessing and everything happens for a reason.  That reason we may not understand now, but someday soon, we will.  Grace is the very heart of God and that is more than enough for us to run the race.  

                Thus,  when you feel that you are failing: let Christ take over, believe that you are always blessed, and you will see that you are always a winner because you have a God who is higher than any other.

                 

               

confusionism

Time and again, he always has brought confusion to my life. I always want to give him the benefit of the doubt and chance. And no matter how stupid it may sound, I still yearn for a happy ever after (silly girl here).  I told myself countless times that I will no longer come up with false hopes and expectations, and hopefully this time I'll do it right.

Sometimes I'd like to ask myself or better yet him: "why the hell are you like that? I'm freaking pissed off by your inconsistencies and I just cannot understand why for a man as old as you are, you seemingly do not have a tinge of conviction in your veins! For crying out loud, when will you ever learn to keep a promise?" But of course, that's just me thinking. I was able to blurt out my anger and fume out extremely though, but using different words. It was a success then, I intimidated him, as he said it himself, though that's not my serious intention.

At the end of the day, no matter how I seem to hate him and even if he gives me this irksome feeling deep within my core, I just find it foolish that here I am always ending up giving him the slightest chance and benefit of the doubt. When will I ever learn to let go of such people who seem to have the passion for hurting someone else's feelings? Am I really a born masochist? By the looks of it, I guess I really am.

Dearest Cris, by all means I do know that you will never ever have the chance of reading this as you are definitely not into blogger and social networking; however, for my sake, I'd just like to vent out all the emotions lingering within. I still cannot understand what you are up to this time. Are you back into my life because you wanted friendship, closure, or reconciliation, or you wanted to ask for a second chance? Please tell me, please do not leave me hanging on dead grounds and thin air. And please, for the nth time, do not disappear on me again. I have forgiven you countless times, and I do not know if there's still room for one more, but apparently, my heart is getting tired of it all.

I have to give it to myself too, that I deserve to find my one true love, someone who will never ever dare to take me for granted or treat me as just the second best. I know what I can give when I learn to love, so I rightfully deserve the man who will love and respect me just the same. What you are doing to me is a torture, and every time you fail me, it's as if I am being killed softly. I do not want to die a hundred times while waiting for you, because I want to love wholly and without doubts and fears when the right one comes. I like you though, that was an easy thing to discern and fathom over. I like you, yes, but what I dislike was the way you are knifing and ripping my heart apart, into shattered pieces. I want to be happy too, if it's with you, then well and good. But if you just cannot commit yourself to me, and if you think you can't keep your words, it's alright...dump me. Maybe it's better off that way, than making me dwell on false hopes and believe that things will turn out better even if in reality, they would not.

So if mean what you say, if you are dead serious about this chance. Tell me abruptly and frankly. I am willing to forego and forget all that has happened in the past and start with a blank slate. I just want an honest and sincere answer. Then if it's not, even if it pains me to do so, I will have to let you go.

beautiful pain

                Pain is a universal language. We all are susceptible to it, just as we are endowed with the capacity to love and to give. No matter how invincible we are, there will always be that moment when you feel like perdition has fallen to your feet. Then we will be left but aghast and marveling at the complexities many facets of man’s heart, that while it is given to us to express our self-less love, it is also there for us to communicate our innermost struggles in various ways: we cry, we spend time on our own, we contemplate on things, we exhaust our exasperation so forth and so on. The power of pain then, though sometimes perplexing and frightening, is totally mystifying.

                For how can we really know life’s beauty and wonders without pain? Life is full of binaries, as in every whiteness, there is blackness – the concept of yin and yang. If life is only joy and happiness, then we can never be made whole and be made strong. We have to weather all storms and feel the excruciating loneliness and pain, for us to realize our ultimate potentials as humans. Just as the tree stands tall after the storm, that’s how humans are supposed to be. Even if the winds struck you and almost take your roots from standing firm on the ground, we have to keep holding on and never let go  of the faith. It may be a painful and terrifying process to go through, but once overcame, a sense of self-fulfillment awaits.

                No one is born to be the ultimate, total, and perfect superhero. All those are just an expression of man’s eagerness to be someone who’s mighty, powerful, and supreme that we can never be. In fact, even heroes, no matter how tough they are, when left alone, still cry and suffer the same problems that ordinary human beings go through. Being apparently strong does not exempt anyone to be pain and problem free. It is an expected ingredient of life’s recipes, making life sometimes bittersweet.

                Thus, if you’re crying over something, let the emotions all flow. Cry, until there’s no more. Be lonely for now, exhaust all the bouts of melancholia, and be your normal self again the day after. Let it all flow, simply let it go. Crying and feeling the pain is not a sign of weakness. Truth is, by doing so, we are being more humane by accepting our limits, because no one is given a perfect life. We all have our faults and our times of defeat. But if you make the most out of every experience, you will even make the most out of yourself, even out of the most downgrading moments.

                Who says our creativities stop when we are most vulnerable to pain? Who says our world will end whenever we are hurt? If the sky is most beautiful because of the stars that shine at a dark night, then this simply implies we can simply dazzle even in our shadowy hour. Know thyself, as one philosopher once stated, and by doing so, you can explore your innermost potentials and let them unleash. Cry and blurt it all out, there will always be an avenue for that. Write a poem, compose a blog entry or a song, get your paint brush and start to draw, cook and satisfy your cravings and hunger, sing and free all the grudges deep within, make a change by helping out those who are in need. Being crestfallen should not hinder us from doing what we can, in fact, it should be a call to be most productive, and only then we could stay we know we are strong, for we know how to manage all the emotions lurking in our heart.

                So the next time you think of pain and other related emotions as something stupid, think again. After all, nothing happens here on earth for a mere coincidence or for mere futility. It maybe just a simple call for action, to let your light and beauty shine, even in the darkest night.