When you were vulnerable

I love you, is an easy thing to say
perhaps when it's all sunshine
and not a cloud was gray.
I love you is as natural as breathing
when all seems to go your way.

But I learned to love you more
not when you are wearing your best smile
Instead, I knew I love you even more
when I saw that teardrop falling from your eyes.

It was on that moment that I yearned to hold your hand
And make you feel warm and secure
Just as you always do
whenever your hands clasp with mine.

I wanted to calm your weary heart
vanish the fears away
by whispering words to ease your pain
while our fingers are tightly intertwined.

Maybe love reveals its truest self
when someone is at his weakest state
And I don't need you to be an everyday superhuman
Instead, I want to know what's your kryptonite.

And while I can't promise to work magic on your fears and hesitations
Nor bury deep your troubles and frustrations instantly
What I am certain is I will be there
As you face this world full of the unknown
You will never hurdle those battles on your own.

And I learned to love you more
Not because you are perfect
Instead, I loved you more each day
for you aren't afraid to show your frail and delicate side
which is unbeknowst to many.

For in trusting me with your susceptible self,
I have internalized that love does not only love for perfection
But accepts one's flaws, blemishes, weaknesses and struggles
As if they were your own.

I love you even more today
That amidst the welling eyes
It's not your fear that I see
But a love made strong and beautiful
Once upon that time when you are vulnerable.

I love me

I will never be that hot and sexy girl.

I cannot wear skimpy outfits confidently, knowing that my flabs and bulges will be seen through.

I’d love to wear that short shorts, but my legs are like logs.

I never had that coveted thigh gap, but I can walk, run, jump still as much as I want. So that thigh gap does not really bother me anymore.

I look at girls and see them very trendy with their fashion,

baring their arms and shoulders, confidently, for the world to see.

I want to do that too, but every time I do, I would get remarks which all boils down to saying that it does not suit me.

So I go back to having myself covered,

Hiding the imperfections and insecurities.

But even with all that I don’t and can’t have,

It won’t let me love myself and my body less.

For the flabs, bulges, lines, stretch marks, creases, freckles

Make the person that I am.

And these flaws make me human

Worthy of love and respect,

Regardless of whether my totality

Is equivalent to the world’s crazy standard of beauty.

And maybe, I may not be that hot and sexy girl at all,

Nor one that warrants a second look when you see at the streets

But I don’t need to be that one.

I will wear what I feel that suits me, even if that means pants that are loose and baggy.

I will be happy and healthy, rather than thin, frail, and sickly,

Because I deprive myself of savoring good food to eat.

And the people who truly love me, will know that despite all the imperfections

Is a lady whose heart is genuine

One that is passionate for her craft

Who embraces what she lacks and remains unabated by the world’s pressing standards.

For it takes wise and like-minded people to see,

That beneath the mien of this simple looking girl

is a beauty that is skin deep.

Love Thyself

Knowing to love yourself is the greatest love of all…

Growing up, I have always been called that “fat kid.” I was that ugly, heavy, obese girl who was so insecure of herself. The only thing that I take pride of was knowing that I am a little smarty-pants whose efforts and hard-work was well noticed and acknowledged by her teachers, and sometimes even by my classmates. I never saw myself as someone beautiful back then, because it appears to me that my beauty was obstructed by my fats. Part of being the obese child that I am was being bullied for my heavy size, but over time, I learned to shrug it off, and be numb of the constant and persistent teasing and mocking of my peers, and even strangers who see me.

It was not an easy journey for me. In my teen-age years, I lost weight when family issues kick in. I focused on my studies; while on the side, eating lesser than the usual. It yields good results until I noticed that my uniform was more loose. Then, I am more motivated to be slimmer. I learned to curb my appetite and even to slowly embrace exercising. But even though I lost those pounds and somehow gained confidence, the hardest thing for me to do until now is to love myself, for who I am, and for what I am not.

In a society where people perceive slim and skinny as beautiful, I have always been insecure of my weight and looks. Honestly, even if I am far from the obese girl that I was 13 years ago, I sometimes see the same girl when I look in the mirror. There were days when I honestly do not like and appreciate what I see, even if people have been somehow complimenting me for my beauty or so called “transformation.” My body issues are still haunting me, and I know that I will continue to work-out or eat lesser to maintain my weight, as I know that I gain weight easily. I know people will continue to tease me as chubby or make fun of my flabby legs and arms; but little did they know that when they do these things, a girl has long died inside of me. I am hurt, more than they ever know, but I kept it to myself, acknowledged and swallowed all the criticisms, even if it hurts so much, after all the efforts I have been through. But that is life, and I know, people will always come to notice your flaws, and instead of sulking and moping over it, I just have to let them go.

And there are little things to do to make me love myself all the more, even if sometimes, it can be the hardest thing to do. Rejections and criticisms are unavoidable, but somehow, I managed to make it through, as I become tougher, wiser, and even stronger. There are countless days when I feel like giving up, and life and my emotions are always one hell of a roller-coaster ride, but I always get-up again and again, after all the tumults and storms. At the end of the day, I know, it will still be always about me- how I see myself and how I manage to make it through which will the determine the course of my path and my destiny. It all starts with making little efforts to love yourself, even if you don’t feel like it, or despite all the criticisms.

At this point, I know I am still not over my insecurities just yet. Or maybe I will never get over them, and only time can tell. But one thing is for sure, I know I cannot please everyone, and it is a normal occurrence in life that people will throw rocks on you. I will never have that 6 pack abs, 36-24-36 figure, or a face of an angel or a beauty queen. It will take time before I become that “confidently beautiful with a heart” kind of woman. Even so, deep inside, I believe that I am still beautiful in my own way, and it takes the right people to appreciate that skin-deep beauty, that not all people can see. My body issues may be there to stay, but maybe, it is not my looks, my weight, or size of my jeans that will always matter. In my heart, I know that I will have the noblest and purest of all intentions, and that is the most important of all.

And as cliché as it may sound, there is that someone out there who will appreciate you despite all your flaws and imperfections. There are people out there who love you just the way you are. Your life here on earth is with a purpose. Knowing all those fuels my desire to live more, to persevere, and to continue to fight my demons. More so, it makes me believe me in myself, that I am significant and I matter. It may be a hurdle, a battle, an obstacle I had to go through every day of my life. Still, I will try, to the best of my ability, always and above all, to love myself. 

are you ready to forgive?

*** A very timely article for me. :))

You've heard the saying: To err is human, to forgive is divine. While one may never truly forget a wrong, it's not exactly impossible to truly forgive.

Perhaps one of the reasons people have such a hard time forgiving is that they don't fully understand what "forgiveness" means. Forgiveness does not in any way mean you condone the other person's hurtful behavior.

The Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as: "a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge." In short, forgiveness is accepting that the hurt has happened, and you are no longer harboring any negative feelings over it—and in doing so, you are freeing yourself from harmful and upsetting thoughts, giving way to a more positive outlook in life.

Forgiveness means you no longer hold a grudge. Grudges are a one-way ticket to self-destruction: you are actually hurting yourself, not the one who offended you. By dwelling on the hurt, you are in a constant state of anger that can make you forget about the positive things in life. Holding a grudge means you are too focused on the wrong that happened, that you fail to notice what'shappening.

Living in the past is a horrible way to go on with life, as you fail to enjoy the present. I know a woman who has been holding a grudge against her already-dead husband for the past 15 years! She is so self-absorbed in her anger that while she was physically present when her grandchildren grew up, she hardly remembers their milestones or any moment of happiness with them.

How to Forgive

The first step is to consider the value of forgiveness to you. While you may think you're better off hating that person for what he or she has done to you, you'll only be holding a grudge: and you will in no way benefit from this. True forgiveness will help you have healthier relationships in the future, and will help lessen your anxiety and stress.

Next, reflect on the facts of the situation. What brought about the act? How did you react to it? Could you have acted differently? Try to be as objective as possible. This step may be too much to handle if you are still very emotional about the situation—and in no means is this step meant to make you dwell on the act. Just take a step back from what happened and look at the events from a stranger's point of view.

When you feel you are ready, actively choose to forgive. It's easy to say, "Okay, I forgive him," when deep down you still wish a piano would randomly fall on his head while he crosses the street. Try this exercise: look in the mirror, and say out loud, "While I am upset about what (insert name here) did, I am actively choosing to forgive him/her." Keep doing this and try your best to mean it. You will be surprised how, one day, you'll wake up, and feel exceptionally lighter.

Once you've forgiven, move away from the role of "victim." The person wronged you—but that doesn't mean you are helpless and in need of pity. Do not let this person's hurtful act hold you from being happy and enjoying life. Rise above the situation and show the world that you are a survivor!

And lastly, accept that forgiveness will not change the person, or cause reconciliation. Oftentimes, we forgive people, and believe that by doing so means they will change for the better, or that things will go back to the way they were. This is not always the case. Change must come from within oneself: you cannot do anything to change another person. Also, while some acts can be forgiven, it does not always mean reconciliation will follow. Some cases—like death or the refusal of one party to communicate—might prevent a reconciliation to happen. But that doesn't mean you can't still forgive. Remember, forgiveness is mostly for yourself, not for the other person.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." And he was right. Being hateful and harboring anger is easier than accepting the imperfections this world has to offer. It takes guts to, as Oprah Winfrey said: "give yourself permission to release from your past—and step forward with the mud of resentment cleared from your wings...."

From: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/blogs/love-and-life/ready-forgive-040454560.html

because love and happiness is a CHOICE

It's almost December and the coldness fills the air. The Holiday spirit is now kicking in as I can hear the sleigh bells ringing with the "All I want for Christmas is you" as the background music. This is not another blog ranting about my frustrations of being Single and Lonely during the most festive season of the year. Rather, I am writing about my thoughts on finding love, through dating...again. :D

It was just a few months ago when we finally called it quits. After all the throbbing heartache, I came to a point when I found crying idiotic and stupid. Girls and guys alike, even if the pain is as excruciating as it may sound, I always believe that the best we can do is to accept and to move on. Not all things are meant to be anyways. At the end of the day, we have to be thankful that we had such experience. Through the good and the bad of it all, I'm pretty much sure the relationship taught us, a LOT. :P

So what is the next thing to do? As for me, keeping yourself busy is always cool. Finding a hobby, bonding with true friends, travelling, shopping, working out, and beautifying oneself would all be helpful. Instead of focusing on the wrongs and what ifs of the failed relationship, it is best to focus and work on yourself. It is not selfish to do so. And while your doing this, you'll discover so much about you that you did not know before. Set aside the melancholic and suicidal thoughts. Those would not be of help. Forget about the "wish you were here" drama, cause he/she won't be with you (for all you know he/she is looking for someone else). I am not telling that you do get revenge or plot an evil scheme against that person. But I always do believe, guys and girls, the best revenge is to improve thyself and to be handsome/beautiful. And when you see each other again, they will regret that they let you go. However, don't let that get into your system. Think of yourself, always. You are doing it to help yourself, not for your once upon a time lover.

The bouts of melancholia will linger. But we can always do a counterattack. As much as possible, try not to befriend lonesome music. Adele's Someone like you should not be your constant sleeping companion, unless you want it to keep rewinding and playing on your head. Don't let the pathetic mood of sad songs get the hell out of you. Brothers and sisters, as cliche as it may sound, find happiness in all things. Play happy and relaxing music in the background and since and dance to your heart's content. I am not saying that heartbreaking songs should be deleted in your playlist, but if you want to be reminded of your heartache all over again, then do so. Maybe until you realize that your eyes are swollen from crying as you listen to those songs playing, you will believe me that it does not really do much good. Happiness is a choice, my dears. And if you want to be merry, let go of the things that block your happiness.

It may be easier said than done. Yet, at the end of the day, we drive our car to the direction we'd like to go. A brighter and better future is ours for the taking, so are you willing to trap yourself in the devastating past? The road ahead is wider than you can imagine. Take the first step. Fear will set in, but should you fail again, fret not, we can always try again. Besides, the same things do not happen twice. Life may be empty right now, but it is being emptied because it is being filled up with something better. Isn't that exciting?

Yes, we will always find someone better. You may not believe it. I haven't found mine yet, but as it is, I am open to all the possibilities. We should not close doors, if there's an opportunity, grab it. It might not work on the first try, but the chances are all there. Part of moving on is dating again. Some dread it though, because that means we are back to square one. We have to start with the getting to know you stage once more. The hi, hellos, how are yous of it all is here once again. At times you will get impatient because you felt you were dumped and you still felt small after the break up. But I do hope that if you are feeling like that as of now, please do not be hard on yourself. It's not entirely your fault my dear. Go through the pain for a time, but don't stay in the platform, for a lifetime. The fishes in the sea are so much, you just have to go out and do not grow tired of exploring.

And who knows, in one of the many encounters you have had, you might meet your one true love. Don't despair, don't embrace sadness. Instead, love and heal yourself. Count your blessings. Focus on the now and work on everything that you can for a better, wiser, and tougher you. And no matter what happens, don't give up on finding that love, because it will come. One day, we will all realize, all these happen because they have to. We just have to be in pain for now, but life is not unfair...it won't last long. Fly and soar high and take the journey. Have fun and never let life make you sour just because of a single heartbreak. There's more to life than that. :D 

Smile, be happy, and love again.


With lots of love,

Len <3 nbsp="nbsp">