Dear God

 Dear God,

First of all, I want to thank you for all the blessings. I am alive and well, and during this time of Pandemic, to be healthy is indeed a great blessing. 

But I won't deny it, my heart is troubled and full of anxiety. You see, my worries, now that I am a mother, are different. Most of it are because of finances. 

Never have I imagined that I will be at this point in my life when I will feel small and worthless. When I was still a single woman, money was never a problem for me. Not that I am rich back then, but because when you are still single, you are free from responsibilities. 

Please don't get me wrong, Lord. I love my child, I love my family. They are my inspiration. But I can't help but get frustrated that I cannot even give my child the life I think he deserves. I am nothing but a regular employee. I have no riches to be proud of. There are no titles to attach to my name. In short, I am a nobody. Perhaps, when I die one of these days, no one will even remember me. That is how ordinary I am.

Not that I am dreaming of becoming famous or being recognized. But is it wrong to aim or to hope for a life better than just getting by day by day? Is it wrong to hope that there will come a day when I can finally live in a house we call our own, or finally be able to ride our own car, without worrying about the hassles of commuting? 

Oh, Lord. They say when we lift up our burdens to you, it will lighten our load. While I know that it will not remove our worries miraculously, I just want to let you know that I feel so down. I just want to cast my cares and anxieties to you, as I pray for a better life. Lord, my finances are so tight, what I have is just enough, but I want to open myself to the floodgates of your blessings. I believe you are an ever generous God. And I am not just here to wait, I will work for it, because I know I can. You have not gifted me with talents and skills for nothing. So Lord, please help open doors of opportunities for me and my family. I still pray that my husband will finally learn to let go of his comfort zone, and seek opportunities elsewhere. They say with you, nothing is impossible, and so while for humans, it may be unrealistic to expect financial gains in a short time, I put my trust in you, that next year, we will not be in the same situation. 

A house we can call our own. A car. A better life for my family. All these I lift up to you, Oh Lord. I am tired, I am worried and weary. But my hope and confidence in you will never falter. Because in a world full of uncertainties, you are the only one I am sure of. 

2020 Musings

 2020 Musings

Exactly a year ago, we were all looking forward to 2020 with excitement and eagerness. Surely, a lot of us had made plans: to travel or move to another city or country, to pursue a different career or to apply to another job, to reunite with friends, to celebrate a precious life milestone and so on. The possibilities are endless and as it seems, the world is ours for the taking. As we make noise, light the firecrackers and feast on the sumptuous meal with our family last new year, no one has ever thought of the future that 2020 holds. 

And then the pandemic happened. We are left flabbergasted, bewildered, and more so, terrified. All of a sudden, the world seemed to stop, all of our plans or goals seemed to be put to a halt. There was a sudden shift with the way we live or do things. We realized above all that our family, health, well-being, safety are paramount over all earthly or material things. Indeed, the year 2020 has taught us so many valuable lessons: that life is fleeting and seemingly fragile, that no one can really tell what the future holds, and that you may make plans, but then again, in a blink of an eye, they may not happen anymore.

It truly is frightening to live at the time of a pandemic when everything seems to be uncertain and temporary. Lives, jobs and livelihood are lost leaving a lot of people mourning and forlorn. But at the same time, amidst the pandemic that besets us, we are left with no choice to carry on, to move forward, and live life in the new normal. This pretty much sums up our 2020: entering a world of the uncertain and fighting the unknown. 

Even so, we know that deep within our hearts, there is that glimmer of hope. We keep our faith that this is just transitory and the "nightmare" will be over. And even if the battle is not yet finished, we keep the faith in humanity, in the world, in the Almighty and  that one day, we will all heal and we will go back to how life is used to be, but as wiser and tougher human beings. 

So as we end this year, I pray that we do not lose hope as to what the new year will hold. The year 2020 may not be how we envision to be, but as cliche as it may sound: while there is life, there is hope and let us hold tight to that. Even if our hearts are troubled and in fear, let us not grew tired and weary in praying and hoping for a better future and tomorrow. Some things in life are just put on hold, but life and love does not end there. In the midst of this pandemic, faith, hope, love, kindness and optimism are never cancelled. 

The year 2020 is truly one unforgettable year. To still be healthy and alive at this time is one big blessing, indeed. And if there is one valuable lesson we should have learned, it is to be grateful for all the blessings - big or small.

Thank you, Lord, that we make it this far. We place our hope in 2021 in You. We pray for the lives that were lost during this challenging times. Likewise, we pray for the strength and courage to bravely battle and face this pandemic. Please guide our front liners and bless them with your healing hands. We also offer a prayer for all the country's leaders, that they may make sound decisions for the betterment of their people and constituents. We keep the faith, that the year 2020 is just one hurdle we have to go through, and we will rise above the challenges, with Your love and mercy this 2021. 

Thank you, 2020. 

And praying for better days this 2021!

Find your Taeki (Choi Taek, Reply 1988)

And when you fall in love, I pray that you find someone whose love is greater than his fears and who never hesitates. I hope that when he looks at you, he lights up and radiates that happiness of being with you. Yes he is not perfect, because no one is, but when you are with him, you feel a love that is genuine, sincere and secure... and that as time goes by that love never ceases or fades. He may not give you that fluttering feelings at first or make you feel those butterflies in your stomach, but with him, there is no room for doubt or questions, because his love is not a mystery for you to unravel. It is a love so sure and true, that there is no need for you to guess. This love may not be grand or not what you expect it to be, but it is real. The way he looks at you and the way it feels when he holds your hand and hugs you is enough for you to say, he's the one. ♥️♥️♥️

#ChoiTaek #Taeki #Reply1988 #TeamTaek #kdrama #kdramalover #koreandrama

To my real life Taeki, Sam Galang 🥰🥰🥰

Choi Taek For the Win!

Reply 1988 has surely touched the hearts of millions of viewers around the world because of its realistic plot revolving around family and friendship. Avid fans had also been rooting for different teams aka the male lead to end up with Sung Deok Sun. Some may be Team Sun Woo, a lot are clamoring for Team Jung Hwan, but I am consistently Team Taek since Day 1. Here are some reasons why I strongly believe Choi Taek deserves our leading lady, Deok Sun.

1. Taek lights up whenever he sees Deok Sun (literally and figuratively).

-Park Bo Gum (who plays Choi Taek in this drama) is known for his killer smile that will make your heart melt and will make you smile, too! And whenever Choi Taek sees Deok Sun, he has that glow! Deok Sun simply has that ability to enamor our shy Choi Taek and he is always all smiles whenever he sees her. Whether it's a rough day or just an ordinary one, seeing Deok Sun truly makes our Choi Taek happy! When he was left with  Deok Sun while the gang has left earlier on after they followed Dong Ryung, you could see in his eyes how delighted he is to be with Deok Sun's company (even if Deok Sun has been teasing or goofing around with him, he is not angered to bits, but even marvels with it).

And who would not want to be with a person like that, who just simply loves to be with you?

2. Taek really adores Deok Sun.
- Through quirks, imperfections, warts and all... Choi Taek is just so fond of Deok Sun. Even during Deok Sun's awkward days, Taek still finds her pretty and cute! Any girl would want to be with a partner who thinks she is the most beautiful in the world, don't you agree?

Proof that Taek is just head over heels Deok Sun and loves her for who she is? Remember when Dong Ryung asked Taek if he is really sure that he loves the weirdo Deok Sun? With a sure smile, he joyfully answered yes!  And if that's not enough to convince you, Taek even told Deok Sun is pretty during the China Baduk tournament and when she was wearing the orange lipstick that Jinjoo and Bora find weird! Deok Sun may have her share of idiosyncracies, but our Taek embraces and accepts them all!

Now that is definitely sweet! ♥️

3. Choi Taek has been consistent and honest with his feelings ever since.
- Taek is your usual shy, introvert and socially awkward guy, but he is different when it comes to his feelings for Deok Sun. In fact, he bravely admitted, without hesitations at that, in front of his guy friends that he likes Deok Sun, not as a friend, but as a woman. He may be quiet and shy, but he has the guts to ask the woman he likes for a movie!

4. Taek values his friendship with Jung Hwan.

- Even if our Taeki loves Deok Sun so much, he is willing to step back and let go the moment he knew Jung Hwan likes Deok Sun, too. He is not selfish, but is also considerate of his good friend's feelings. When we was finally sure he wanted to pursue Deok Sun, he even visited Jung Hwan at the military camp and that is a sign of a true gentleman, indeed!

5. Taek is committed to his goals,he may be silent, but is one true fighter.
- He is not a Baduk Genius and champion for nothing, after all. And this includes how he commits to his feelings with Deok Sun. He may have backed off for years in respect to Jung Hwan's feelings, even so, it did not mean he truly hid those feelings in the closet forever.  The moment he sees the opportunity, he seizes it! There is no backing out for our Choi Taek!

6. His Baduk skills may be his pride, but nothing matters most than the love of his life.
- Taeki is well renowned for his Baduk skills and is critically acclaimed for his wins. Still, he is willing to forfeit a Baduk match just to be with Deok Sun. Our Taeki truly knew his priorities, Baduk may be his pride and bread and butter, but Deok Sun is his love, for whom he is willing to give up anything.

7. For Taek, Deok Sun is his "peace of mind in this crazy world".
- Deok Sun's company and warm hug is enough to comfort Taek after a long and tiring Baduk match. He finds refuge and solace whenever he sees how Deok Sun cares for him. He acknowledges it, again, with his shy and signature smile.

8. His love may be silent and not grand, but is sincere and secure.

- It's true that Choi Taek may not be everyone's cup of tea. For others, he is too timid and introverted. But then again, Taek proves those assumptions about him wrong. He may be shy and awkward, but it does not mean he loves less. His love remains unchanging even if years had passed and all it takes is that one, "but" from Deok Sun for him to fully give his "long overdue" feelings a go. His gestures may not be grand, but he is willing to protect Deok Sun too (and he even pretended that he was smoking so he could join her) and comfort her during her gloomy days. As shy, introverted, and awkward he may be, he is willing to overcome all his fears because his love for Deok Sun is stronger.

And at the end of the day, when made to choose between someone who is sure of his feelings for you and one who has been wishy-washy about it for so long, who would you rather be with? We may be thrilled with a love that's hidden because it gives us excitement and butterflies in our stomach. But when presented with someone like Choi Taek who is certain with his feelings, who accepts you for who you are and is willing to fight for you at all costs, then I am sure he will also be your choice.

A love that's genuine, consistent and never hesitates...that is Taek's love for Deok Sun. And those are the reasons why he deserves to have Deok Sun's love, after all.

The invisible enemy

"I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind."

Never have I felt uncertainty and fleetingness of life than these past few days. Just like most of us, I wonder. I am baffled and beyond scared as to when this will end. Sometimes, I wish all that is happening in the world is just a dream. But no, it is reality unfolding right in my very eye. And being far from home somehow even makes me more frantic. But I know that I must not allow fear and paranoia to rule over me.

Instead, the past few days have been days of realizations. In times like this, what else is more valuable? Life, good health, togetherness with your family, all those are what I hold more precious and dear now. All of a sudden, I forgot my yearnings for worldly possessions, not because I don't want them, but because I know at the end, it is not what will truly count.

In as much as we want to plan things out now, the world seems to be unstable. What lies in the next months, no one actually knows. We lie in bed, not knowing how many lives will be lost. We wake up and we can never tell if one day, we will be reduced to a mere figure or statistics. Despite venturing into the unknown, we hold on to that glimmer of hope and faith, that one day, if we keep in praying and helping one another, our lives will be back to normal again.

And just like you, I can't wait for that day to come, too. How good it will be to finally see my students again and be lost in their chatter and noise. I long for the day when we can talk to our friends somewhere else, in the park, at the mall, without apprehensions, reservations and fear of getting contaminated by the virus elsewhere. I pray that the day will come when we can finally feel the warmth of the sun or the coolness of the outdoors. Oh these things which used to be normal or maybe trivial are now the very things we miss.

As long as we keep fighting a good fight, there is no battle we cannot win. More than ever, this is the time for our country and the world to be united in overcoming this invisible enemy. In doing so, it is with hope that we set our ego, pride and selfishness aside and just let love, compassion and altruism reign. Time and again has proven that miracles do happen if we work together. And what better time to see another miracle unfolding in everyone's lives than now?

#weareallinthistogether #fightingCovid19

Life in the time of corona virus

Life in the time of corona virus:

The global pandemic has spread like wildfire. With the figures rising in every country, we can't deny the fear and uncertainty that lurks in the minds of everyone. But this challenging time also holds lessons and realizations for us to ponder over.

1. Simple and basic things matter.
It's quite ironic how even the simplest and basic things matter more than ever now. Washing your hands, which seems an elementary concept, has never been so important. And it takes a pandemic for us to realize that. Thus, it is also time for us to ask: what are the basic and simple things which I already know but I seemingly neglect?

2. Health, family and safety are more important than anything else.
With travel plans, occasions and get-togethers on hold and cancelled, we start to shift our priorities to what truly matters most . Travels, gatherings and celebrations can wait, but the safety of our family, friends and loved ones hold paramount. We might have lost money along the way, but then again, life is priceless. We can earn back that money anyway. Peace of mind is something that money can't buy and that one is what matters more now.

3. There is beauty and peace in staying at home.
At the moment, social distancing and staying at home are the safest things to do. For others, it may seem like a house-arrest, especially at this day and age where everything seems to be fast-paced. We live in an era where we we have to go out and to explore (and sometimes so we can have IG worthy stories or photos). Perhaps, this is life teaching us to slow down. Maybe this is the rest our body has been needing for quite sometime. This time is an opportunity to reconnect with our family, and to finally spend time and eat together, which maybe some of us have not done for so long.

4. In times of crisis, our true character is revealed.
Our selfless or selfish nature will show in this global pandemic. And with what is happening around the world, it is time to reflect, who am I among the two? Sadly, there are people who live for their self-serving interests. But there are also compassionate people, who think of others welfare first more than their own. I hope we take time to show our gratitude and appreciation to this people. They are the epitome of altruism and a source of hope, that we never run out of kindness in this world. And with this, we should ask: "In what way can I help someone/others (the world, my country, my fellowmen) today?"

5. Life is fleeting and nothing is certain.
We never know what the future holds. With this, I hope we are reminded to value our loved ones more and to cherish our life on Earth. This is the best time to reflect on our actions and go back to our purpose. And even with life being uncertain and transitory, it should not stop us from doing good and from keeping our faith in God and in humanity alive.

More than ever, this is the time when everyone should unite. The virus may bring fear, paranoia and wariness, but our greatest weapon is not any antidote or vaccine, but our solidarity and optimism that we can survive this challenge, no matter how grueling it may seem.

Your wedding, your choice, your happiness

Your wedding, your choice, your happiness
Some insights on weddings

We all have different visions of how we want our wedding to be. Some want a laid-back and intimate wedding; while others would opt for a grander one. Regardless of your choice, it actually boils down to a couple's decision and preference, so there is really no point in comparing (or arguing) which one is best. What works for one couple, may not actually work for others. Besides, not all couples have the same economic background, life principles and goals, so any couple's choice as to the type of wedding they want, should definitely be respected.

For at the end of the day, all weddings are beautiful, no matter how big or small, simple or grand it may be. A wedding is a start of a couple's lifetime together, a brave decision they both made. And when two people become one through marriage, vowing to love each other through thick and thin, good or bad, richer or poorer, till death do them part... nothing is as beautiful (and sacred) as that.

You may choose to have a civil wedding or an intimate one at church because that will make you happy, then by all means go for it. Or you may opt to have it in a cathedral, with top of the line suppliers, for it gives you immense satisfaction to invest on nothing but the best for a once in a lifetime event, then follow your heart's desires.As long as you don't break the bank and know you have worked hard for it, then go ahead give yourself the wedding you truly deserve. Through it all, love is what binds marriage, love is what makes any marriage worth the effort, and love is all that really matters when a couple decides to tie the knot.

That being said, all weddings are beautiful, memorable and worth-treasuring. A union between two people inlove is a gift, and no matter what type of wedding that is, it is meant to be celebrated. In a world full of uncertainty and the unknown, people who choose a lifetime commitment are highly laudable. And when married couples look back at their wedding day, it will always put a smile on their face. That happiness brought about by their wedding day, is all that truly matters.

Your wedding, your choice, your happiness- own it. Whatever will bring your heart peace and contentment, follow it. A wedding only happens once, so you have to make sure that your wedding day is all that you ever dreamed of and truly wanted, not what or how others wanted it to be. Let that vision come to life and let that vision become reality.  When you made that wedding happen, your heart will know that you made the right choice and it will truly give you great joy. Believe that no matter what kind of wedding you opt to have, your union is blessed by God and you are on to an exciting and thrilling beginning on your journey to forever with the one you love.

3 decades, 3 lessons

• 3 decades, 3 lessons

When I was younger, I used to dread reaching my thirties. I would always ask myself that when I am 30 years old, "Will I be good enough, successful? Will I reach my goals?"  Now that I finally reached this age, I realized it is something I should not fear, but instead, should welcome wholeheartedly. Your 30s is the time to fully embrace maturity and the wisdom that comes with it. With this, here are some valuable insights I gained over my life's  three decades.

1. Where you are is where exactly you should be
- Our life is a product of our choices and decisions, so wherever we are right now is where we are meant to be. Many times we will be bothered by our "what ifs." Instead on dwelling on things that can't be undone, focus on what is. What can you do to make things better at the moment? We should refocus our energy on the present because it is entirely pointless to mope over our past or regrets. Remember, each brand new day is an opportunity to turn dreams into reality, regrets to learning experiences. Believe that where you are is due to divine appointment, not by accident.

2.  Always find the beauty in things.
- The world is already filled with toxicity and negativity, and we don't need more of that. Our reactions to circumstances can make or break us, so it is wise to practice using "the pause button". Admittedly, this is still challenging for me, but if I am confronted with problems, I try to ask myself: "Will stressing over this matter in months or years? If not, I will just let it go." Life is always full of good things. And sometimes we ignore our "blessings" and pay much attention to the "burdens". So whatever and whoever it is that makes you happy, dwell on that. Spend time with your family and loved ones, travel, pursue your hobbies - the possibilities are endless. Life is beautiful and there is always something worthy to celebrate. As they say, live, laugh, love. And don't forget to thank the Almighty at the end of the day, for all the blessings -big or small.

3. Be gentle with yourself, but be open for growth.
- Most of the time, we are our own worst critic. And we are most unforgiving of our own faults. Mistakes and failures are normal occurences in life and it is through these that we grow. Why should you be harsh and keep all the blame to yourself? You can always brush off the dirt on your knees and stand up after every fall. Tap yourself and say, "it's alright. I can do better next time." Take it easy, but do not be complacent. Cry if you must for a day or two, but know when to stop.
You will see that after every fall, there is a stronger, wiser and tougher you. Take it to heart that you can always transform mistaked and failures as learning experiences, and all it takes is a heart that is open to forgive and to take risks and chances for oneself.

It might have taken some time before I learned these things and the journey had not been easy. At 30, I am still a work in progress, my life is not perfect, but that is okay. I thank God for the 30 fruitful years and what lies ahead, though still uncertain, I place it in the palm of God's hands.

I'm 30 and I'm loving it! Cheers to more decades to come!   ♥️

How I found my one true love

There is no magic or secret formula to finding one's true love. It is a puzzle piece that remains a mystery, thus baffling many. But despite this, one thing remains true, love comes when you least expect it, and praying for it truly works wonders. With that, allow me to share our love story.

Sam and I had been colleagues when I worked at a publishing company last 2014-2017. I remember meeting Sam for the first time at the swimming pool when my officemates and I went for a dip in the pool during our company team building. He was very quiet and I knew back then that he was the shy type. He seemed to be quite loved by everyone, and I remember rushing to him out concern for he had a little "accident" during one of the games. We would have little encounters at the office after that, him being part of the IT team. From time to time, I would ask his help on technical matters, bump into him and have small talks over lunch (sometimes even giving him my rice 😂). We never really got a chance to be very close for quite a long time because I work on-field most of the time, but I remember being one of those who will pair him off with someone from another department. Sometimes we will jokingly tease him by telling him we will use his computer to send an email to the girl we are teasing him with, and all these Sam will just reply with a shy smile. With his kind nature, he never really showed remonstrations nor fought back. But all those time, I have established that he is really the good boy next door type and is hardworking and dedicated to work.

We started to get a little closer after our team building in 2016. Our theme was "Hunger Games," and each team has to send two representatives to be the muse and the escort. I, being the young one in the team, had really no choice but to be the muse. I knew Sam was one of my teammates, so I begged him to be my partner, so I will not end up being paired with a stranger (or someone from a different area). Being the shy type that he was, I remember it was not easy to convince him, but eventually he gave in. We had an interpretative dance to the song of "Chandelier" and to our delight, our team won.

After that, I noticed some of our officemates had been teasing us. I thought then that it was because of the team building, and knowing how quiet and shy type Sam is, I just shrugged the idea off. I mean, yes he is likeable, but how will he even like me? For me, he is "torpe" and geek. He barely even speaks to me, so him pursuing me is something that never crossed my mind.

Things started to change a little bit though little by little. There were already little instances when we would exchange random messages over text message and I can clearly remember him teasing me and I ended up smiling while queing at the uv express terminal as I exchange messages with him. That perhaps is the beginning of something, as I was quite happy that he started to warm up towards me. After that, I remember telling an officemate, that Sam's girlfriend in the future will be very lucky, for I can clearly see then that he is a good man.

Fast forward to 2017, I decided that it was time to leave that company for I accepted a job offer abroad. That was the year when I decided to leave everything to God- my career, my lovelife, my future. Never did I thought that I was in for a big surprise that year. With the support of our officemates, Sam finally gathered the courage to accompany me home, which I initially thought was just an act of kindness when he heard about a certain incident on my way home. I introduced him to my mom as a concerned officemate, but after that night, when I thanked him for the company, he said, "next time again, if there is still a chance." I felt then that maybe, there is something different so I said yes.

The rest as they say, is history. That was the start of our usual exchange of messages, till we had our first date on valentines Day 2017. The biggest revelation he had during our courtship days was  when he told me he had been praying and gathering his courage to finally pursue me for all those years. He finally confessed that he likes me since 2014.

Our love story is three years in the making, but I would say that the three years of waiting is a beautiful journey of self-discovery for me. During those times, I had been hurt countless times, up to the point that I almost gave up on my chances in love. But I persevered, I prayed, I trusted and surrendered my life's plans to the Lord. And when my heart is finally at peace knowing that God knows what is best for me, that is when He reveals who my one true love is.

I have never been any happier and content since then, knowing that Sam is my answered prayer. Our love story may not be perfect nor easy, especially we had been in a long distance relationship for two years now, but a love story that is orchestrated by God will truly stand all adversities. So if by any chance you have doubts and questions as to who is meant for you, just pray unceasingly and keep trusting God's divine plan, for His plans are always better than you can ever imagine.

Whenever I see Sam, I am reminded how the Lord has been good to me, for after a long wait, He has finally blessed me with the love I deserve. It is a love so true and beautiful which happened when the Lord most willed it, in His perfect time. Every day, I thank the Lord for this wondrous blessing, a good and kindhearted man, whose love for me is genuine that I could not ask for more. Sam is truly worth the wait and my heart is overjoyed.

Looking back, moving forward

Five years ago, I confessed my feelings to a dear friend. The answer wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be. We were only 23 by then, probably too young for him to commit himself; thus telling me back then he was not ready. At some point, I guess, I waited too long for him. It was a constant struggle of letting go, accepting, and feeling the same feelings again and again. How do you move forward if you just can't let go of the strong feelings you have for someone? In my case, I thought there will be no finality to this lingering question. Until one day, through a surprising twist of fate, everything changed.

Holding on too long to that love probably helped me realize I deserved better. Though I told myself that so many times back then, I somehow clung to the glimmer of hope because he was still unattached. However, when the waiting seems endless and futile, you eventually tell yourself to stop the foolishness, for it will lead you nowhere. I guess, there will really be that someone you love too much, but then cannot love you back. But even if it hurts, excruciatingly hurts at that, reality is something you have to swallow and accept, for you to get by. 

Looking back, I knew I never regretted that unrequited love. It's funny, but I learned that I am capable of loving deeply because of that person. Even if that love caused me pain, knowing that it's one sided, somehow, at the back of my mind, I knew there will come a day that a love that's meant for me will come my way, too. It may have taken a long while, but that love finally came, and it is everything I could ask for. The love I have always prayed and dreamed of is here to stay. 

Fast forward to 2019, I must say both of us are living happy lives. I learned he just got married, and though there is a tinge of hurt, knowing that up to the end he never really liked me, my heart is sincerely happy for him. He may not have chosen me or may never have loved me a bit at all, but at the end, it no longer matters. I thought I will harbor ill-feelings for him because of that one-sided love, instead, I learned to finally forgive myself and to truly wish him well. At the end of the day, we both have found the love of our life and are more than content, what more can I wish for? 

And at this point, I can only look back at the past wistfully but with smile, at the same time. Through it all, God has been truly good to me. He lead me to someone who will love me wholeheartedly and made me feel that I am truly worth it. There is no point being stuck with the pains of the past, and each day I choose to move forward, as I thank the Lord for blessing me the love I rightfully deserve. 

The Vow 2019

Whenever I look at you, I am reminded of God's love and faithfulness. You are my living testament, that God answers our heartfelt and fervent prayers.

Indeed, this love of ours is a beautiful gift worth keeping. When God writes your love story, no one and nothing can ever stop what He has planned. Not even distance can come between us, for it is the work of His wondrous and powerful hands that bring us closer than ever, binding us even stronger. So every day, just thinking of you, makes me pray and whisper these words with love, gratitude, and contentment: "I thank God for the gift of you."

Our 2 years as a couple has not been easy, but it was through love and trust that we survived. We are here today because of our strong commitment to be loyal to one another at all costs. With that, I thank you, for standing by me, for choosing me everyday, and for loving me and even my imperfections. I have always been a dreamer, but you have been the anchor to my boat, that is why I continue to sail on life with purpose. Even if sometimes, I see myself as a lowly caterpillar hiding in her cocoon when times get tough, you always see the butterfly in me. I will always treasure and cherish this beautiful and self-less love of yours, because it is one in a million.

With this, I vow to be your forever cheerleader and to support your every dream. I vow to be the wind beneath your wings, because I am that number one person who believes in your gifts and potentials. I vow to hold your hand and be your safe place, when all else in life turns gray. And from this day forward, your dream is my dream, your pain is my pain, and your happiness is my happiness. My love, with you and I together, there is nothing we cannot conquer. With God on our side and with our love for each other aflame, we will journey through life and make wonderful memories together, with the children God will bless us in the near future.

I love you and I always will. My heart is giddy with excitement and happiness, knowing that, the Lord has blessed me with a good-hearted man, whom I will be spending eternity with. You are worth the wait, and I am forever yours.

the beauty of waiting

There is beauty in waiting, and I thank God for all those years that he made me wait.

As human beings, it is but normal to be impatient and frustrated when things don't go as planned.

But what virtue does God want us to develop as we wait? What is the purpose for our life "delays?" Or maybe it's only us who thinks it's a delay. Probably, God knows that at the moment, that is for the best.

Waiting is not just a test of patience, but is meant to develop our character. A person's true character is not revealed when he has the best things in life. In fact, it can be seen when he has nothing, or is striving and working hard to achieve something. What a person does as he wait tells so much of how he/she is.

Do you see nothing but life's imperfections and missing pieces as you wait? Or are you the type who does something meaningful while waiting. Which one would you rather be? Would you be sulking, complaining, or ranting? Or woud you rather be working, exploring, and trusting on life's timing as you wait?

While it is easy to answer that we will try to be productive as we wait, in reality, it's not as easy as it seems though. There will be days when we will be caught in despair of not knowing what our future holds. It feels like you were stuck in the middle of the unknown, and you are clueless of what tomorrow will bring. But then again, it is just a phase. We could choose to wallow over that sadness, or move on. And when you do, there is no way to go but forward, as we strive to live life with purpose and meaning each day.

Living each day doing what you love does not seem like waiting at all. Instead, it's more like trusting and hoping for the best, wherever life leads you. Doing things with zeal and passion, whatever that may be, allows us to seize the moment and to be fully present in life. And before you know it, time had passed, until you barely realize that you are no longer waiting. For at the end, you are rather fulfilled and happy, that all the good things life grants and blesses you with are just a bonus.

May this song by John Waller inspire us to embrace the beauty of waiting. We may not see it right now, but God sees our good works and gives what is due for his humble and faithful servant.

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait...

Your Time. God's Time.

When I was younger, I used to think I can easily plan my life out. I thought that if I put my mind into it, and probably work hard for it, the things I want will easily fall offf my lap. And boy, I was wrong. Very wrong.

There are things that will be given to us because of our hardwork and persistence. But not all. This I have learned, in the years that I sail on this journey, that life is all about the perfect timing.

Timing is everything. As what was said, "many are the plans in the person's heart, but the Lord's plan shall prevail." I will say it again and again, even if it may sound repetitive, that there are things we meticulously plan, but may not happen. In the course of those heartbreaks, rejections, unanswered prayers, and disappointments, it is but normal to be disheartened. We feel that it may never happen or be given to us. But, if we hold on and ponder over, we might come to realise this: "Just because it is not happening does not mean that it's not meant for you. Maybe the answer isn't a "No," but "not yet."

Perhaps, there are things we don't see that we still need to discover and develop. I can still vividly remember how I envision myself at the age of 25. Back then, I thought, I have already married by that age and by the age of 30, I probably have kids, a house, a car, have finished my masters. To be honest, none of them has happened "yet," but I am not frustrated anymore, because as I grow older, I learned to trust the timing of things in my life.

Yes, I will be married soon, at the age of 29, and I may be late from the original timeline I have set for myself. But even if the timeline was not exactly followed, it is not a reason to fret. In fact, I realised, that the events in my life are perfect as it is. I was able to work abroad at the age of  27 and met the love of my life at the same age. If I had met him a little earlier, maybe I will not be where I am right now. And I guess, the delay in my love story is my journey to self-discovery, and I would say, those years of trial and errors are the greatest gift I ever gave myself.

I have had series of failures and disappointments, but instead of sulking over, I wore those wounds with pride. I was able to overcome and reign victorious over those battles and hurdles. Here I am today, standing still, growing grateful each day. I thank the Lord for allowing me to experience heartbreaks, for it made me know what to pray for and look for in a man. I thank God that it took me a while to build my career, for it enabled me to push myself further and go outside my comfort zone. And I will always be indebted to God, for building my character and for increasing my faith all those years. If I am happy and content in love and life right now, it's because I earned this by patiently waiting. If I did things my way back then and be reckless, this may not be the life I have right now. So if you felt you were rejected or clueless as to where your life will tread, learn to trust in the process and in God's timing for your life. If we will only look at life in that lens, we will live more joyfully each day, knowing that every adventure comes with a purpose.

So what to do now? Sail on, travel, learn a skill, meet new people, discover what the world has to offer. Life is too short to waste it by stressing over a timeline. Ditch the timeline, and instead, make good use of your time. Stop comparing yourself with others, that is their time, not yours. Your time will come, too. The Lord is developing something within you, and He is preparing to launch you to greater heights. At the end of the day, be reminded that, "his plans are not meant to harm you, but to make you prosper."

With the Lord by your side, you're in good hands. And one day, when what you have been praying for have been answered, you will look back at those days you have been waiting. By then, you will be at peace and tell yourself, "now I finally understand."

When we were young

Oh those yester years, we were young and wild, and free. When we think about it, and reminisce the days and years that had gone by, it will surely bring about a rollercoaster of emotions. We may feel wistful, but at the same time find ourselves laughing as we think of our crazy, silly, and stupid acts (which we never even thought why we did in the first place). That is the recklesness of our youth, and when we mull over, there might be some beauty in it.

While there might be days we wished we could have been more rational in terms of how we decided on things during our youth, surely those carelessness were all charged to experience. We might have cried and regretted that action that we might have done over impulse, but a biggest mistake, when wisely reflected upon, can turn out to be the most life changing event ever. Though it's not always an excuse that we were young, back then, still it cannot be denied that our precious youth is an opportune time to learn. For we can never be the wiser person we are now if we never fell down and got back up during our younger years. And we owe it to our younger self and thank that we had that "grace and trial period" of our life. Hopefully, those mistakes are no longer the recurring ones, otherwise, we might have never learned or made realisations, after all.

And as the years passed, it is our hope that we let go of the hurts and bitterness of the past. That despite all our imperfections and wrongdoings, we have learned to be more kind to ourself. It is futile to play the blame game, and it is but wiser to move forward and just keep going. Whatever it takes to get by, may it be crawling, walking, kneeling, running, sprinting, fast, average, no matter how slow, the most important thing is we keep life going... and just reflect on whatever we can learn from the situation.

Someday, those mistakes and foolish acts will just be stories to tell. And interesting, colorful stories at that. One that we will funnily share to our children, grandchildren, or to the younger generations. Yes we could be young, and wild, and very much carefree. But let us not miss the most important point of our youth, that as we sail on the most worry free years of our life, may we never lose sight of the future ahead of us. That as we frolic along those fun-filled and exciting days, we allow ourself to grow, to be more introspective, and to mature, that at the end, we will not regret that we just wasted our youth over senseless and shallow merry-making that we never had the time to prepare ourselves to be the adult that we want to be in the future.

a love to keep

I am in awe of your love for me
and like the sun's rays
your love shine its light upon me
warming my heart and soul
nourishing my very core.

Yours is the love that never ceases
Stronger than the current of the seas
I was left shaken, as if a volcanic eruption
maketh me feel your love is intense.
Typhoons and earthquakes may wreck havoc,
but there you are, still with a love that's unabated.

And looking at you, I know
that this is the love I have to keep.
For the strength of your love
is enough to weather all the storms.
Side by side, as we hold on to each other,
the whole world we shall face and conquer.

The Journey to Love

A classic saying goes that "the course of true love never did run smooth," and finding the right one for you, so to speak. They say, it's akin to finding a needle in the haystack. It's a journey to the unknown, often times leaving you perplexed, wondering, bewildered.

Finding the right one may entail several trial and errors. If you are lucky enough, he may be your first and last. But what are the odds that you will be the lucky one? In a world where "no label relationships" and "not into serious relationships" abound, what are the chances that you will find true love in an instant? It is never an ABC, and sometimes, you might end up telling yourself, "I think I have more chances in winning the lottery!"

We may feel despair, loneliness, isolation, betrayal. There are many emotions that will lurk and cripple your very core. Doubting yourself during these trying times is not far from happening. After trying to go through several dates and countless rejections, it is surely not easy to get back on your feet. When the heart is crushed, our mind and body somehow undergo this state of "paralysis." At this point, it may be harder to see the colours in our life.

But, this may just be a phase. As cliche as it may sound, time will heal the wounds. After going through several heartbreaks, one may give up, may park the quest for love in the meantime, or let the heart rest until it is ready. Whatever the choice is, what matters is, to give the heart ample time to heal and recover from pain, until it can finally wholly welcome love again.

We cannot really tell how many heartaches you will have to go through before true love will find its way. One cannot really fathom the mystery of love, and how it will be lead to you. But despite the pain of rejections and the fear of the unknown, there is one thing that we hope for. If you have been through painful heartbreaks, I hope you will let your heart heal and still believe in the beauty and power of love. It is a rocky road and path, one that is venturing to the wild. It may take some time  and maybe you will grow tired that you are no longer waiting, but at least, give it a chance and believe that it will come. No matter how dreary and weary, just trust in the process that it will happen. Allow life to surprise you and maybe one day, when you are no longer waiting or hurting, it may pass by you. And it may never leave you again.

But all this will happen, if you still believe and if you open your heart to the beautiful possibilities of still finding love, no matter how difficult it may seem.

A love so true and beautiful

There will come a point in your life when you will grow tired and weary of chasing after people who can't love you in the same way that you do. It is just but pointless to cry over an unrequited love, more so, to search for answers and reasons why there are people who are not meant to stay in our lives. When we stop questioning and simply just embrace life's uncertainties, and be more optimistic that things do not happen at the present because a better future awaits, we are giving ourselves one big favor- that is to fully enjoy the moment and just accept life as it is, with imperfections and all.

For in reality, at one point in our life, there will always be that one great love that we wished we could have ended up with back then. We may have spent countless nights wallowing in tears, in agony, longing to be with that someone. That may be a time in our life when all we think about is the rush of emotions and perhaps, the wrecklessness of our youth. Our heart is a tide that keeps racing, wanting to find its way to the shore. For whatever reason we did not end up with that someone, know that, wherever you are at the present time, is always for the best.

In the end, life does not always give you what you want, but it will give you what you need, what is right, and what is best. A love so true and beautiful is our calm in the midst of a storm. It is finding serenity after going through a rough patch of heartaches and hearbreaks. It may come when you least expect it, but it will finally give answers to your heart's lingering questions. It is the love you rightfully deserve and have waited for, and will give you the certainty in the midst of a world full of doubts and skepticism.

This love is well-formed and is true. It is not perfect, but is the kind of love you have longed for and believed that is worth waiting for. This is the love that will not make you question your worth, for finally, this will make you feel secure. And in the arms of this person, you will have no fears, for all those you will cast aside and face the world head on. For the longest time in your life, finally, you will never feel alone, and with the love of this person, you will find your home.

It may take some time before this love will find its way to you. But know that, if you have experienced the pangs of rejection, it's not the end of the world. Every rejection is a redirection. And this redirection is a journey to a promising and more glorious destination. When you finally found that love, there might be days when you will look back at the painful past, but it may no longer sting that much. There may be a little wistful feeling as you look back. But your heart will be more thankful instead at where you are lead to. Is there still room for pain and tears for the love that was not yours, once in your life? Those are just bygones. What matters most is the one you are with now. For with the love that is real and is given in the perfect time, only happiness and hope abounds. Your heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude for the blessing that you have, and with finality you can say, "I am fully happy at where I am right now. And past is past."

#FinalLenFoundSAMone

Lately, I have not been posting much because of work. As a teacher, there is indeed so much on my plate and maintaining this blog has been out of the loop. But if there is one thing that I am excited about, it is our upcoming big day on December 2019! I find time to search for cpncepts and pegs and I cannot contain my happiness every time I get to talk to our coordinator. At the moment, I just want to enjoy every single step of the preparation phase. I will be a bride chilla and avoid stressing myself out of the things that are beyond my control. 

As an OFW bride, perhaps one of my biggest worries is how to plan and ensure that the preparation will be smooth. I am grateful that my groom is hands on and as OC as I am! Usually, brides will do all the planning and will pay more attention to details, but even before we started planning out, Sam has been very vocal that he wants to be greatly involved in the preparation. In fact, since I am working here in Indonesia, Sam will be the ones mostly in charge of doing the leg work! Haha! Sorry, mahal. But thank you for making sure everything is in place. I couldn't be any happier knowing that I did not only find the one my soul loves, but I also got a team mate in him. 

It will still be a year and a few months before I bid goodbye to my single days. Each day, I cannot hide the fact that I am closer to that day when we will finally exchange our I dos. And for every day that I am with my love, I always thank God for the greatest gift He has ever given me. 

Let us enjoy this journey together, my love! 

When you were vulnerable

I love you, is an easy thing to say
perhaps when it's all sunshine
and not a cloud was gray.
I love you is as natural as breathing
when all seems to go your way.

But I learned to love you more
not when you are wearing your best smile
Instead, I knew I love you even more
when I saw that teardrop falling from your eyes.

It was on that moment that I yearned to hold your hand
And make you feel warm and secure
Just as you always do
whenever your hands clasp with mine.

I wanted to calm your weary heart
vanish the fears away
by whispering words to ease your pain
while our fingers are tightly intertwined.

Maybe love reveals its truest self
when someone is at his weakest state
And I don't need you to be an everyday superhuman
Instead, I want to know what's your kryptonite.

And while I can't promise to work magic on your fears and hesitations
Nor bury deep your troubles and frustrations instantly
What I am certain is I will be there
As you face this world full of the unknown
You will never hurdle those battles on your own.

And I learned to love you more
Not because you are perfect
Instead, I loved you more each day
for you aren't afraid to show your frail and delicate side
which is unbeknowst to many.

For in trusting me with your susceptible self,
I have internalized that love does not only love for perfection
But accepts one's flaws, blemishes, weaknesses and struggles
As if they were your own.

I love you even more today
That amidst the welling eyes
It's not your fear that I see
But a love made strong and beautiful
Once upon that time when you are vulnerable.

I am enough

Looking at my facebook feed lately can be both entertaining and sometimes frustrating. Surely, I get to be updated about friends and relatives what abouts. I get to be informed as to the latest buzz anywhere around the world. But that's actually at the surface level.

There are times when I am not fully entertained by what I see in social media. Truth be told, there are many and countless days that instead of feeling happy about what I see, I end up feeling frustrated. In reality, I think, this is what social media is all about, portraying a life that is seemingly perfect, until you dig in to the deeper truth behind every post. Jealousy, envy, insecurity can creep in once you see someone who is way prettier, sexier, or more successful than you do. How come he/she is able to afford such travels? How can she maintain that look and body at that age? Oh dear, he/she has a new car/ house (again). And here I am drowning in work. Not a pound lighter, not a penny richer.

Until then that I realised that you have to be learned to be secure on your own, regardless of what you have or do not. After all, the pressure kicks in if you see life as a constant competition. In reality, no matter how hard you work, there will always be someone better than you. No matter how beautiful you may be, there will always be someone who you feel is way superior than you in looks (and in body). It's easy to feel a tinge of jealousy and wallow in self pity after browsing thru your feed. But the real question is, "will you let it get into you?" Will you be affected or rather shrug it off?

At the end of the day, life is all about acceptance and setting of realistic expectations. The sooner you accept your current status or situation, the better. You will be able to let go of ill-feelings and you won't harbor an ounce of bitterness towards others. Besides, those people are not at fault if they have such abundance in life. I can still clearly remember what our preacher said years back  that sometimes "God will let you see how He is blessing other people." I believe He does not intend to make us feel down or bad. Maybe, it's a way of Him telling, "if I can bless these people, so do you." And if ever you still don't feel any better, just remember this: "everyone lives according to his/her own timeline," and "comparison is the thief of joy."

I know it's hard not to fret or compare. But will it add a day to your life if you worry about things you do not have at the moment? Of course, it will not. It will only stress the whole out of you, and turn you into a grumpy monster. So when I am tempted to compare, maybe, I will breathe deeply and proclaim with conviction "My time will come. Maybe not now, but in due time, it will." I believe that hardwork and pure intentions will always be rewarded at the end. You just have to be open that there is an ocean of blessings that await you.

And when you are tempted to sulk into loneliness and despair, I hope we all take time to remind ourselves, that while beauty and riches offer happiness, not all those are bound to last forever anyway. Let our security be not tied to things that are superficial and ephemeral. Beauty will fade and money can be gone (especially when mishandled). While it is good to invest in those things, I hope it will not make us lose sight of what really matters- good health, a sincere, contented and thankful heart, and a mind that's always focused on the good things, no matter what life throws on you. Those are life's priceless treasures. Those are what will really count. When you finally fully internalise what that means, it's then you can proclaim: that "I am enough."