Your Time. God's Time.

When I was younger, I used to think I can easily plan my life out. I thought that if I put my mind into it, and probably work hard for it, the things I want will easily fall offf my lap. And boy, I was wrong. Very wrong.

There are things that will be given to us because of our hardwork and persistence. But not all. This I have learned, in the years that I sail on this journey, that life is all about the perfect timing.

Timing is everything. As what was said, "many are the plans in the person's heart, but the Lord's plan shall prevail." I will say it again and again, even if it may sound repetitive, that there are things we meticulously plan, but may not happen. In the course of those heartbreaks, rejections, unanswered prayers, and disappointments, it is but normal to be disheartened. We feel that it may never happen or be given to us. But, if we hold on and ponder over, we might come to realise this: "Just because it is not happening does not mean that it's not meant for you. Maybe the answer isn't a "No," but "not yet."

Perhaps, there are things we don't see that we still need to discover and develop. I can still vividly remember how I envision myself at the age of 25. Back then, I thought, I have already married by that age and by the age of 30, I probably have kids, a house, a car, have finished my masters. To be honest, none of them has happened "yet," but I am not frustrated anymore, because as I grow older, I learned to trust the timing of things in my life.

Yes, I will be married soon, at the age of 29, and I may be late from the original timeline I have set for myself. But even if the timeline was not exactly followed, it is not a reason to fret. In fact, I realised, that the events in my life are perfect as it is. I was able to work abroad at the age of  27 and met the love of my life at the same age. If I had met him a little earlier, maybe I will not be where I am right now. And I guess, the delay in my love story is my journey to self-discovery, and I would say, those years of trial and errors are the greatest gift I ever gave myself.

I have had series of failures and disappointments, but instead of sulking over, I wore those wounds with pride. I was able to overcome and reign victorious over those battles and hurdles. Here I am today, standing still, growing grateful each day. I thank the Lord for allowing me to experience heartbreaks, for it made me know what to pray for and look for in a man. I thank God that it took me a while to build my career, for it enabled me to push myself further and go outside my comfort zone. And I will always be indebted to God, for building my character and for increasing my faith all those years. If I am happy and content in love and life right now, it's because I earned this by patiently waiting. If I did things my way back then and be reckless, this may not be the life I have right now. So if you felt you were rejected or clueless as to where your life will tread, learn to trust in the process and in God's timing for your life. If we will only look at life in that lens, we will live more joyfully each day, knowing that every adventure comes with a purpose.

So what to do now? Sail on, travel, learn a skill, meet new people, discover what the world has to offer. Life is too short to waste it by stressing over a timeline. Ditch the timeline, and instead, make good use of your time. Stop comparing yourself with others, that is their time, not yours. Your time will come, too. The Lord is developing something within you, and He is preparing to launch you to greater heights. At the end of the day, be reminded that, "his plans are not meant to harm you, but to make you prosper."

With the Lord by your side, you're in good hands. And one day, when what you have been praying for have been answered, you will look back at those days you have been waiting. By then, you will be at peace and tell yourself, "now I finally understand."

dear calendar

My desk calendar here at work had been my constant companion and partner this year. It has been a living witness as to how busy I was and still is until now, and up to the future. Looking at the things I have to accomplish and had accomplish made me smile and I thought then that the times spent had been so worthwhile.  It has also been a witness as to the things I looked forward to and celebrated back then, like birthdays, reunions, gimiks, get-togethers, family gatherings, out of towns, and so on. Thus, I came to realize how the year has been so busy for me. I did a lot actually. And I would say 2012 has been a very fruitful year.

I guess my calendar also made me realize how my relationship this year had been so fleeting, transitory, ephemeral. I met him, we dated, he vanished, went back to my life, patched things up, tried things out together, then called it quits, and he wanted to be back, till he was gone again. All in a span of even less than a year. It was the most whirlwind of all relationships, I would say. It was like yesterday when I met him, and before I knew it, in a blink of an eye, he was out of my life. :(

But the good thing about looking at it is I was able to breakthrough and write more goals for each month. As it is, there is just one month before the year ends, and I would say that I am facing each day with a happier heart. I have just made my November goal almost come true, and the one for my December is soon to be a reality. I'm becoming less of a pessimist right now, and that's one thing I am proud of.

The year is about to be another closed-chapter and I have to change calendars again. I am not really sad about how 2012 turned out despite the heartbreaking things which happened. Instead, I am overly excited about the surprises 2013 has in store for me. As I prepare myself for a new calendar for the upcoming year, I also am anticipating for the new things to accomplish and look forward to. I can feel it that something ultra-mega special will take place next year. 2013 is the year to LOVE. :D

So thank you dearest calendar. You have really served your purpose well. Cheers to a great year spent with you. One more month, and we can make my dreams come true.

and of course,

Hello 2013!!!

Always,

Len :P

the calling

If I would be asked what's my ultimate dream if life, a lot of people would actually be surprised. Because I was a consistent honor student from gradeschool to college, people think that I dream big. But actually, No. As I once told a friend, I just want to live simply and with contentment. And when asked what's my calling in life, I can answer with conviction, "to be a mother and a wife."

I would not actually mind if I end up as a housewife if there's a need for it. Taking care of my the family my husband and I will build is "heaven" for me. Waking up in the morning to cook my family's meals, preparing my kids to school and husband to work, doing the laundry and washing the dishes, preparing for the family's Sunday lunch outs and picnics, decorating the house for Christmas, wrapping gifts for my hubby and kids, taking care of them when the don't feel well, I know I can do all those with love. It may sound a monotonous life, but as for me, I'd gladly do that all for the love of my hubby and kids.

This dream is something that "I won't give up." If that means I have to work hard on it or pray everyday, I will willingly do it. That's why today, I am preparing myself to live hat calling of being a mother and wife. And part of it is working on my weaknesses and knowing myself better, because it takes a whole and complete woman to make a good mother and wife. If I will just be a crybaby and a confused lady, I may live that dream but I cannot give myself a hundred percent. And so everyday, I strive to resolve my issues and live each day with joy that overflows so I would be the same when I get married.

Perhaps the reason why I am single for the meantime is because God is preparing and making the way for my noble call. It is not easy to be a devoted mother and wife. It will even take your life and energy, and that means being selfless all for the sake of your family. Thus, I would enjoy my life as a single lady for I know there would come a time I would have to give up all my good-time with friends and going home extremely late. As I have said once, I am just knowing myself better, but not forever alone.

And one day, I know, that man will come into my life, too. The year  2013 will be it.

Ask, believe, and receive.

I claim all these.

Amen