happiness

I don't want to think I am alone because I am not.

As the Law of Attraction states, you attract what you think.

Think of sadness, and you'll feel lonely.

Think of emptiness, all the more you'll be hollow.

Think of frustrating things, and you'll be down in the dumps.

Our mind has a strong influence on our actions and what our life becomes.

I want to be happy, so I am.

If I always have to give and share just so someone will be with me, I would look at it in such way that I am so blessed to give. Someday soon, I don't need to beg off so that people will be with me.

If God is emptying your life, He is preparing you for something big, so you need to have that hollow space, just in the meantime.

My life is still undergoing a major renovation. But believe it or not, I am happy and contented with my lot.

I am thinking of happy thoughts. And nothing can stop me from being optimistic. :D

new directions

After all that I've been through lately (the hurly-burly and ups and downs of emotions), I finally mulled-over that I cannot be the cry baby that I was and still am. It's freaking hard to change overnight, but I have that irking feeling that I want to transform myself. It is really difficult to let go of the things you are used to, just as it is difficult to let go and forget that person you loved so dearly. But then again, at the end of the day, I may end whining and tearing and sulking, but my happiness is still up to me.

Complaining will bring me nowhere, just as worrying is like a rocking chair that keeps moving but stays at the same place. If I cannot change the way things are, then might as well I change my mindset about them. The pressure of finding my one true love bugs me. I tried to grab the opportunity when there was one, but ended up in vain. Believe it or not though, I am not regretful nor bitter. Why do I have to keep crying about something which is over? Even if he did not really give me the closure I deserve, it is a challenge for me to move forward on my own. Indeed, you will always have yourself to depend on, and to rely on others will fail us, more often than not.

I am not afraid to fall inlove again. If it will happen (which I know will happen, sooon :) ), then it will and I will gladly accept it with arms wide open under the sunlight. I have no fears, doubts, and hesitations. I am not rushing things. It's just that, this time, I know that my love tank is overflowing with love that I would share it without hesitations to that someone. As Toni G. puts it, "one day, that man will come into your life and will make you forget that your heart was ever broken." So I am not setting my dream of finding my one true love aside. It is too early to give up. Much has happened but that does not entail letting go of such a noble and wondrous dream. Besides, things do not happen only twice, but mistakes are repeated unless they are learned. If I failed again and again, then I will dust off my knee and stand again and again. What's wrong with that huh? Nothing. I am sometimes weak, frail, losing judgment, but that does not make me less of a person. i am human after all. I do not brag that I am invincible. This warrior will always be a child longing for her dear parent's love and affection. But despite all the struggles, I have proven that I become strong when I am at my weakest point.

So what's there to be afraid of, honestly? Nothing. Worrying still about tomorrrow? Maybe, yes, but that will not ultimately cloud my vision. A bright future is ahead of me, and it's glaring my eyes because I feel there's so much, I just have to seize every opportunity that comes my way. And for all the hurdles, the pain, tears, and heartbreaking moments I have been through lately, I have nothing but gratitude because the Lord entrusted me with all those. He believes in my resilience and in my ability to breakthrough. Thus, is there still a need to fear. Definitely, No. No matter how hard it may sound, I'll do everything in my power not to fret about the future. Let tomorrow take care of itself. What matters is the present, that you have the willingness to do everything that you can today so that you will have no regrets in the future.

God is always good to me, today, tomorrow, and until the end of time. If there is something that I will hold on to tightly, that is my faith in HIM. It will remain unceasing and unwavering, and I know by keeping the faith aflame, that day will come when God will answer all my prayers, and He will grant my heart's desires, even better than what I have asked for.

And I believe that whatever it is that you asked for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. I claim it in Jesus' mighty name. Amen :))

Motivational Quotes

An article from Yahoo! Stay motivated!!!

1)It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog − Archie Griffen.

2) Nothing lasts forever. Not even your troubles − Arnold H Glasgow

3) There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle − Albert Einstein

4) Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave – Mary Tyler Moore

5) Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections − Margaret Woodhouse

6) If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place − Nora Roberts

7) I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed − Michael Jordan.

8) The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary − May V. Smith

9) Where hope grows, miracles blossom − Elna Rae

10) A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing − George Bernard Shaw

11) Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent  − Eleanor Roosevelt

12) It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes − Sally Field

13) I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down  − Allen H. Neuharth

14) Hope never abandons you, you abandon it − George Weinberg

15) Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you − Ralph Waldo Emerson

16) Awards become corroded, friends gather no dust − Jesse Owens

17) People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within − Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

18) Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance − Bruce Barton

19) Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it − John Maxwell

20) Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway − Mary Kay Ash

embracing the pain

Do you know how painful it is when you have been through something which is hazy and uncertain? It pains terribly, that you are left to question your worth as a person. They say that you have to stop nourishing the pain and do not think about it anymore, but after all that’s said and done, I have to go through the same experience again. I realized though that I live in a world of pretensions, and as of the moment, I am not a hundred percent okay. I am keeping my faith and sanity intact, because people always say that a number of good things are in store for someone like me. I’m trying to believe them, honestly, though sometimes I feel that those are just words of consolation. I’m feeling that… it pains to wait again, as always.

                Sometimes, I just cannot help but ask a lot of things which really bug me. At the end of the day though, I do a lot of self-correction because it is not right to question God why I have to undergo a lot of pain. I mean, it’s just difficult though to comprehend why things would have to be this way? After all that I did, I don’t really think I deserved to be treated like a trash and be dumped, and when he feels  like picking me up again, he would. For goodness sake, I know I am more than what he thinks of me, apparently, he never sees me that way. And it’s painful when everyone around you treasures you like a precious gem, and that person you really cared about will just break your heart as if, you are a nothing, a zero, a rubbish. We accept the love we think we deserve (From The Perks of Being a Wallflower). Maybe it’s true, I’ve lowered down my standards so much, and I thought all will be okay, when in fact, it was not, and it isn’t… still.

                I told myself that I will have to grant him forgiveness, which I think I did. And why was it so easy for me then? Am I a silent suffering martyr who can just yield to whatever circumstance is presented to me? Or maybe I am really meek and humble by nature. I know I do not deserve such pain coming from him, the way he treats me and sees me, but for the time being, I will just succumb to the suffering because I know I will eventually learn. I just hope that I have a time machine right now, I want to maneuver my life and fast forward it to my future, to that day when I will be giving a sigh of relief for all is finally well. But I am asking for the impossible again, so here I am still suffering silently, stuck in the same platform.

                I would like to cry and shed tears again just to let go of the pain. Everything is still painful for me, though they said I should not take it seriously. But when I try to think of why I allowed myself to be wallowed into such a situation, it all boils down to the fact that I have just been hoping for having a happy ever after story with that person I really cared for. Maybe it really is not meant to be. I wish I could just close my eyes and never remember the terrifying sadness that haunts and kills me every now and then. It is too much to bear for me. I am trying to be strong, as always, and by all means doing all the possible things that can make me happy, carefree, and productive as ever. It gets different though when nighttime comes, and you lie down on your bed, and the stillness of the night hovers.

                To fall into a deep slumber is a comfort. And I wish then that I can just sleep and let it all go. But even before I close my eyes, a number of things ran into my mind and my head. I just cannot stop it, and I still am getting impatient. If only I can just slap the person responsible for making me feel this way, but I know when he’s in front of me, I cannot.  My hands are too weak for that, or maybe I just wouldn’t stoop so low, or I guess I just can’t really hurt him just the same. Or do I still care for him that much? It’s vexing to think that I still have good faith in him, when I really shouldn’t. Why should I still believe that he has still that goodness in him when the whole world is telling me that he is a good for nothing jerk? Maybe my heart and head is as hard as a stone, and I am refusing to accept the reality. But until when, up to what point, to what extent?

                Or maybe I should not hurry at all. I have to go through all the pain, but not really nurturing or taking care of it. There’s no need to pretend that I am a hundred percent okay when I am not. If I’d like to cry in the middle of the night, I will. I wouldn’t care if people will find it odd or eccentric, besides, they do not know the hell I am going through. So what right do they have to judge? I will embrace the pain for now, and in time I know time will heal all the wounds. Time can tell what’s really in store or when I can say with finality that I’m over thinking about him. The more I tell myself to let it all go, the more I do the opposite of what I think. It is still all here and no words of encouragement can ease the sadness and frustration that I am experiencing right now. But on a positive note, it is really wonderful to see that there are a lot who is helping me along the way. However, I know that even if they do encourage and have faith in me, things are still not perfectly better.

                I will do nothing special to forget the pain but be my usual self- trying to be happy, cheerful, positive, courageous, and resolute despite all life’s hurdles, obstacles, storms, and adversities. The sun will soon shine on me, and the darkness will take its flight and leave me. I deserve to be happy, too. After all that I’ve been through, I know, someone will love me the way I want him to. Someday, someone will treat me the way I should be, and that someone will take care of me and never ever let me go, and will never allow me to doubt my worth.

                And no matter what happens, even if for the time being that person made me doubt my value, I know, I am precious, I know I am worthy to be loved, it’s just a matter of time. I am not trash, not now, not ever. 

:( sad ttttthoughts

I hate the feeling of being sad for no particular reason. I feel like I'm stuck doing the same things again, and  my life is routinary that I want to evaporate. Seriously though, I've died a million times already. Am I bored? Yes I am. I want to fly and break free.

Sometimes I'm tired of being good too. I am not a slut, but how does it feel to be like one? I cannot always be the goody-too-shoes girl as I have been overly abused lately. I have to let go of all those who hurt me consistently. Sometimes dying is easy. But that's a crime.

I'm bored. Super duper duper bored that I want to just fly away or die. I'm tired of being the same me, talking about the same things, doing the things which I have been doing. I'm tired of being alone and always waiting that someone can give me his/her time. I'm tired of waiting for someone to finally notice or appreciate me. I'm tired of doing things for other people, and after all the good that you do, they will just leave you like a trash. I'm tired of being the wallflower that I am- left alone and rejected all the time.

Maybe I need to reinvent myself. So this is what I get for working so damn hard years ago. I studied so well and burnt myself out later. I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die.

heartspeaks

After all that's said and done, things aren't still clear between him and me. I am really at a hazy and crazy stage right now. Though I am thinking about it lesser as compared to the first weeks of the so called "break-up stage." Apparently, he said he did not break up with me; thus leaving me bewildered and perplexed as to what he really wants to happen. He said we will talk, and in my heart, I want to, honestly. I'd love to see him, though I know it might lead to another heartbreaking encounter

Right now, I am becoming more open to the possibilities of letting him finally go, because as of the moment , it might be the best for the two of us. Since he told me that he cannot really give me his time, then might as well I don't harass him anymore and leave him all by himself. That way, maybe we can rethink and make our lives easier. As for him, he can focus more on his work, and as for me, I will no longer expect and get hurt. Sometimes it is really better to move on and to separate ways. That does not mean though that I love him less. I love him too much that I can give him his freedom if he wants to. Maybe by then, if he really loves me, he can take time to contemplate on how to make things better. The time apart may allow us to grow mature, and should we decide to try it again, it may intensify the love we have. Or it may lead us to finding our one true love, somewhere out there :).

I wish I can really talk to him. My heart is in a hurly-burly and whirlwind state. At one point, I feel calm and serene that I know I can handle the situation with ease. Then at some points, I will feel annoyance, disgust, and loathing. It's not easy to be in such a state, that I wish I can just evaporate. I know this bouts of unbalanced emotions will soon pass, the moment we talk, perhaps. I just hope and pray fervently that we will be both enlightened when we meet again. I am praying that he will say no honey-sweet words, but just the truth. If he cannot commit his time and effort, then  I need it to hear from him, so I will no longer expect and get hurt.

I realized then that love works when two people are committed to make it last. It's a two way traffic, that needs the cooperation of the parties involved. It's just that you have so much to give and apparently, he is not at par with what I have right now. I can do so much for him, even if that means forgiving and letting go of the past. What's hard though is that I still have trust issues, and every time I do not hear from him, I am paranoid of his whereabouts and he might disappear again. He can be really enigmatic and complicated, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot understand him a hundred percent. I won't proclaim though that I am perfect. I am full of flaws as a girlfriend. I can be childish, irksome, suspicious, inquisitive, illogical, irrational and inexpressive  I still have a lot to learn, but that does not mean I rest my laurels on being the imperfect one that I am. As it is, life is a work in progress, and the more I commit mistakes, the more I learn on how to make things right. To be totally mature will take time, and now is not yet the moment for that. I am learning and constantly trying to work on my frailties, that's what I can commit. I am aware of my weaknesses, and I have the willingness to make them as strengths, slowly but surely.

God knows when will be the perfect time for us to talk. But my heart hopes that it will be soon. I am hanging by the thread still. I want to tell him how I felt, feel, and am still feeling right now. Maybe he'll listen intently and realize. Whatever it is that he will realize then, is already up to him. What I just want to is vent out all my grievances, pain, hurt, agonies, and concerns. The next step, I'll leave up to him. But if it's just my choice, I am open to letting it all go.

from a guy's perspective

Something to make guys happy

1. sweet nothings - kahit feeling mo walang kwenta yung sinabi mo, ang mahalaga marinig ko boses mo

2. your understanding - although this takes time. it's like the line from a song - "isang tingin mo lang at ako'y mapapaamo. yakapin mong minsan, ay muling magbabalik sa yo nang walang kalaban-laban". Yung ganyang effect. No words. But full of understanding.

3. when you stand by our side. sometimes, i don't need too much - your comforting words, warm hug, consoling kiss - sometimes, just being there by my side is all i need.

4. magaling humirit. someone who's spontaneous and can make boring things seem interesting. di naman pang-stand up comedian yung galing. basta ba may sense of humor. 

5. honest. if you really don't like things that i'm doing, say it the first time. guys are people who just do things spontaneously. sometimes we have terrible manners/etiquette. in some aspects, we may act like untamed, wild, undomesticated wild beasts. tell us. sometimes, all we need is an honest remark. and we appreciate if my gf will tell me what she doesn't' like about me.

6. set your rules. i'll set my rules... in this relationship. kung anuman di magtugma, pag-usapan natin. 
and this will go a long way. it's not just because i want this and 'everyone is doing this and that' doesn't mean 'we' need to do it too... like sex. i'll be honest. regardless of virginity and/or past relationships. refer to number 5.

7. once numbers 5 and 6 are set in motion, next is moderation. guys like to be in control. but it doesn't mean that we have to be in control for everything. that's why this is called a relationship. it's not dictatorship or slavery. 

8. compromise. matutong makipagtawaran. di lang naman sa dv or sa kumpisalan ito uso. kahit sa relationship. you can't have everything. minsan pati sched sa work, family, and/or church nagkakaroon ng clash sa relationship. 

9. speaking of tawaran. nakakataba ng puso pagkatapos ng away,tampuhan,LQ, or kung anuman ang bagong tawag sa ayaw ng magnobya, forgiveness and reconciliation. sometimes, kailangan lunukin ang pride. sometimes, kailangan ako ang mag-sorry. kung kayang wag palakihin at ayusin, mas ayos. the three steps for patching things up - i'm sorry, please forgive me, what can i do next time? 

10. self-importance. we like to be in control but it doesn't mean na magpaka-martyr kayo. it boosts our ego. it opens the potential for seeing other girls and giving rise to jealousy issues. and eventually, a big cold silent war. 
kung pasaway ako, iwanan mo ko. malay mo matauhan ako at malaman ko kung gaano kalaki ang mawawala sa akin pag hinayaan kung mawala ka sa buhay mo. maliban na lang kung bato ko. kasi pati kidlat, wa-epek.

11. unless i'm a very spiritual person who feels God and His presence, i will be happy if you will not force me to incorporate your religious rituals in my life. i have my own set of beliefs. i see religion in my own perspective. i can accompany you but i won't promise that i will feel very comfortable every time. 
in other words, if di ako pala-simba, don't force me. you can trick me but it's still the same. pero baka isipin mo na kung mahal ka talaga ng guy, dapat samahan ka niya sa church. then again, as i mentioned, i have my own beliefs. 

(this is just another perspective esp for non-religious people. i want people to understand you. it's like going to the same place but taking another alternate road)

11. (alternative) a different version of number 11. i would love if you'd attend some religious rituals with me. again, if you're not comfortable, refer to the being honest entry. this would set boundary and i need to respect it.  

12. appreciate change. it's hard to adapt to change. but it's part of life. if kailangang mag-adapt, although nahihirapan ka, para sa sarili ko at para sa relationship natin, kailangan nating gawin to. if the relationship doesn't work, then again, appreciate change. maybe it's not meant to be. maybe nagloloko na lang ako or di ko na na-set nang maayos goals ko. maybe it's another reason. or maybe it's for the better. kaya siguro ako nasa ibang bansa para pag-ipunan married life ko with you 

13. lastly, the most important thing that makes me happy is....
what else?
or should i say...
who else?

of course, you

even if you haven't put on your make up. even if you're only wearing house clothes. even if you haven't fixed your hair yet. i don't care. the moment i see you, i am already happy.
sometimes, you're makulit, to the point that i might think you're nagging. but since i love you so much, i'd consider it part of your lambing.
i may have the man's pride. but if i see that your eyes began to look watery, i'd swallow that pride. i don't want to see you cry. i would do anything because i love you more than anything.
if i make you feel uncomfortable, forgive me. if you think that i'm going beyond how i should treat you, give me a cold shower or splash a cold water to my face. maybe it's my hormones or it's part of human nature. or i feel pressured. whatever my reasons are, please remind me that the principle of love precedes everything else.

and lastly, to answer the comments of those who posted in the previous thread. girls, you've done nothing wrong. 

sometimes, if you think that you're saying too much or acting too much, it doesn't matter. you matter most.

*****credits: kerygma forumer: thirteenflip