Love when you're ready :)

Although I have fallen in love several times in my life, I have really only been in love once. Doesn’t seem to add up, does it? Well, I have only fallen in love one time, at a point in my life when I wasn’t especially lonely. It was when I was much younger and when, to be honest, I was doing just fine without a female companion to share my life with. That was the first time I truly fell in love – and now that I think about it, the last.

This happens to all of us who have had no choice but to give up on a first love. It’s a sad truth: Once you’ve fallen in love deeply, you yearn for that love; you wish to find it again. You become lonely. You begin to fantasize and create a reality that doesn’t actually exist. Then you fall in love with someone unworthy of it.

That first time you fell in love can’t entirely be described in words. It’s as if the emotions, the state of your being and your state of mind became a different entity entirely. You go from being you, to being this other person — this person who needs this other person to survive. It’s as if you were just introduced to an organ that you rely on for life, which you never before even realized existed.

“Soul mate” is an understatement; it’s as if you have found a part of your soul that you didn’t know you had. It’s all incredibly overwhelming, to say the least. It is by far the most amazing, most intoxicating, most horrible and excruciating feeling in the world. And the second we get that first taste of it, we become addicts for life.

Unfortunately, as most stories go, we are forced into a withdrawal. I would like to say that more often than not it’s our own fault, but it’s never actually that simple. It’s you. It’s him or her. It’s the timing. It’s the situation. It’s the mistakes you made. It’s the mistakes you weren’t willing to risk. The stars didn’t align at the right moment in place and time, and hence, the two of your hearts cracked — metaphorically, of course. Physically cracking you’d expect would be swifter and less painful.

So you go on living your life the best you can, never truly forgetting about that taste, that incredible aroma that filled your soul. We never forget those perfect moments we lived with the person we loved. Then we spend the rest of our lives looking for our next fix.

Loneliness is a strong motivator. It moves us to make — I’m sorry to say — some very, very poor decisions. I can tell you right now that I am very likely to make yet another poor decision in a few hours, in the hopes of maybe, just maybe getting lucky enough to meet someone who I’ll not regret seeing when I wake up in the morning. Although we may love every single other aspect of our lives, being human makes us need the companionship of other people. And if we were lucky or unlucky enough to get a taste of real love, we’re going to search for that next fix until we find it.

Which is how we fall in love without ever actually being in love. “Falling into infatuation” would be more fitting terminology, but not quite as poetic. We meet someone who is great, beautiful, fun, interesting enough. And thanks to our brains being able to imagine grandeur and provoke emotional responses, we can take that previous feeling of love and warp it to fit the new mold.

The funny thing is, we actually believe we are in love. We think about the person throughout the day with intense positive feelings. We imagine ourselves with this person for the long run. We feel a need to see him or her and to spend time together. Yet, more likely than not, we eventually realize we aren’t compatible; loneliness had us raise our hopes up very high.

Things only get trickier as you go through these episodes of loving and mock-loving. After a few runs, you begin to question each new relationship and begin to anticipate the falling out. Then, the question is, would it have worked had your mind been in the right place, or were you really not compatible to begin with? Are your standards unrealistic? Or are you actually selling yourself short and settling?

The truth is, you won’t know until you find the next person you truly fall in love with. At that moment, your perspective comes into focus and you clearly see that most, if not all, of your previous loves weren’t actually loves. Until that point, you are likely to try to revert and reach out to past failed lovers in hopes that you can rekindle the flame.

So, do you hold yourself back from loving until you’re sure it’s real? No. If it ends up being real, then you’ve made it. If not, then you surely had a good time for a good stretch, and because you now know you weren’t in love, moving on will be easy. Live and love as much as you can. Those will be the stories you tell when you’re old and wrinkled.

Reposted from: Elite Daily

when the heart speaks

The most disappointing thing that can happen in life is when the person who you thought will never hurt you did otherwise. There are people who you thought are worth pinning your hopes, yet, at the end, they end up breaking your heart just the same. It's frustrating that sometimes, you will end up thinking that no one will really keep to that ideal, and ideals after all, do not exist. I do not want to give up that there are people who are worth waiting for, with innate goodness and the purest of all intentions. Sadly, my heart was broken and crushed this time.

Perhaps that person is not yet there, because if there is, then it should not feel so wrong at the beginning. The least that one can do is to settle, because you would not want to end up regretting it forever. Every girl deserves to be loved, appreciated, and respected, and if a man can't do it now, how much more when you are married to him? It is not selfish to guard one's heart, so that when the right one comes, you have all the love to give. Guarding one's heart does not mean you keep it locked inside the box, it is more of acting prudently and being vigilant enough, just in case users or jerks are hovering around the corner. At the end of the day, what becomes of our life is a consequence of the decisions we made earlier on. It is about making choices where you will be happy and at peace with yourself. And when you know that you can sleep without doubts and regrets, most likely, the choice was right.

It will do no good to sulk and to blame who's who on why things didn't work. I should have known better, actually. I should have learned from my mistakes, but the hurt and pain was even worse than what I have experienced, I would say. But I'm not left empty-handed; in fact, a promise of a better life is beckoning me, even if that means without him. My fear is how to start over again, when you get used to going out with someone, watching movies together, texting in the morning and before you go to bed- all those have to be deleted from my system. I am reprogrammed and reformatted, and I am back to square 1. But I'd rather start anew than be doubtful if I'm doing things right and constantly ask myself if it's worth all the pain. And besides, love is a two-way traffic. Maybe, we are both not ready yet. He has yet to grow up, and I have to work on my self, too. Either way, maybe it won't work. It's saddening, but it's the reality. Hence, the letting go part.

Even if you tried to be brave and face the reality, sometimes it does not go on your favor, too. I'm not a scaredy-cat in dealing with confrontations anymore, though I warm up, usually, and take my time before I face the person. I want to deal with it in a very mature manner; sadly, he didn't want to. I was left hanging, and hurting more. But when left on your own, what are you to do? Lady, no guy who is manly enough will left you hanging like that. I believe that a man faces even his own fears,  no matter how challenging that may be.

Starting all over again is frightening, indeed. In a dog-eat and uncertain world, how could you ever survive being around with predators?  But what is better, to be with someone who you are not sure if you want to spend a lifetime with, or would you rather start from scratch and wait? It's hard, right? Questions will linger such as: "what if I made the wrong choice?," "what if I never find him/her?," "what if I just tried to make it work?."

But no matter what questions you come up in your head, actually it's only your heart who can give the answer. And when you follow your heart and your gut, most likely, you know where you'll be heading, you know what will make you happy, you know you have the hope to live for today, and be excited for tomorrow. It's the heart that knows when you're finally home, back to where you truly belong. And if the heart tells you that the time it's not yet ripe, then it's time to take a retreat. But if the heart whispers that "this is it," then by all means... go for it, no matter what it takes.

7 signs your relationship won't last

#I happened to read this article from yahoo.ph this morning. Out of curiosity, I read the article and I guess it pretty much answered why my previous relationship didn't last. Anyway though, I know someone better is coming my way. Thanks for this article, another lesson learned!

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It’s not uncommon to find yourself in a dead-end relationship and wonder why you’re there. Sometimes things aren’t working out but you just can’t put your finger on why. If you feel like your romance is doomed but you aren’t sure whether it’s time to call it quits, we’ve got seven signs that your relationship won’t last.

Sign of a break-up 1: The relationship is turning mean

While “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” may sometimes be the key to attracting that special person, if you’ve been with your loved one for a while and you’re still being treated mean then it’s unlikely that your partner’s objective is to keep you keen. While most couples tease each other by being ‘mean’ in a playful/flirtatious way, if their main intention is to hurt or demean you then the respect has evaporated from the relationship and it’s going to end in tears. 

Sign of a break-up 2: You choose not to spend much time together

Relationships thrive when both members of a couple create the right balance between spending time apart and spending special time together. If you find yourself spending a large amount of time without your partner and you’re not even missing them, there’s a good chance you’re just not that into them and your relationship is probably headed for the rocks.

Sign of a break-up 3: You’re not introduced to family or friends

When you’ve met that special someone who you really love, you have butterflies in your stomach and you want to shout about your romance from the rooftops. If you’ve been with someone for a good few months and they still haven’t introduced you to their family or friends then you’ve got to question why they aren’t making your relationship public information...

Sign of a break-up 4: They’re controlling

Does  your other half want to know your exact whereabouts and exactly what you’re up to at all times? While you might enjoy the attention to start off with, this can become pretty annoying after some time. If your other half is exhibiting behaviour like this, it’s a signal that they are jealous by nature. You’ll only be together for as long as you can put up with this for but even if you stay together, you will end up feeling smothered and this isn’t the recipe for a happy relationship.

Sign of a break-up 5: You have nothing in common

Yes, we know that opposites attract but when you’re so opposite that you can’t even have a decent conversation because you have nothing in common, we’re pretty sure that polar opposites repel in these situations. Of course, you don’t want to be with someone who is exactly the same as you (yawn!) – having different interests can be exciting. When it gets to the point where your conversations are boring though, we can pretty confidently say that this isn’t going to work out.

Sign of a break-up 6: Where’s the commitment?

If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and your other half has shown no signs of wanting to commit, it’s worth wondering why. Of course, some romances take a long time to develop by nature, but make sure you don’t end up being strung along by someone who doesn’t see a future with you. A relationship where one person wants to commit and the other doesn’t seem interested is destined for disaster.

Sign of a break-up 7: Too busy to call

Of course, it’s normal for people to be too busy to call their partner a lot of the time – life is busy! However, if the phrase “I’m too busy to call” is becoming all too familiar, then your other half needs to prioritise. If they can’t do that, you’re going to end up feeling pretty rubbish. Everyone needs to feel special and if your other half doesn’t make you feel that way, it’s time to ditch them for someone who does!